It had been damn near impossible for me to stay away the entire day. Since returning from Phoenix, Bella and I had been inseparable. Her father had imposed curfews and visiting hours, which I frequently circumvented. My overwhelming urge to protect her was cemented by the near-tragedy of the events that unfolded in that cursed ballet studio. In theory, the danger had passed: James was dead and Victoria had fled, ostensibly forever. Bella was, for all intents and purposes, safe. Still, I kept her in my sight every minute I could. When I had to hunt, I left Alice in charge of watching over her. Even that sat rather uncomfortably with me.
Even so, the separation today was necessary. Really, I'd been planning this night nearly since the first day I met Bella, months ago. After she turned down a successive string of would-be suitors, I'd allowed myself the audacity to hope that she would let me be the one to go through this human ritual with her. I knew her well enough by now to know that I couldn't mention it by name, that I had to carefully... well, trick her into going.
Prom.
I'd been to many high schools over the years, but I'd never gone to one of these dances before. I couldn't recall anymore if this ritual even existed when I was young and human, nor could I recall ever going to any sort of formal dance like it. I certainly never had cause to attend as a vampire. I could only imagine the agony of being surrounded by the thoughts of so many hormonal teenagers at once – it would be the lunchtime cafeteria magnified by a hundred times. Alice and Jasper, and Rosalie and Emmett all had gone at various times. They enjoyed the excuse to dress up, to dance, to exchange public displays of affection. I never had cause or capability for such things until now.
Until Bella.
“At what point exactly are you going to tell me what's going on?” Bella's voice broke me from my thoughts. I glanced over at her again, my eyes raking over her body in that gorgeous dress Alice had fitted her in. Feeling like a bit of a cad, I quickly adjusted my line of sight to make eye contact with her.
“I'm shocked you haven't figured it out yet,” I murmured. I grinned at her, unable to contain my elation at being with her, about to embark on this memorable evening with her.
I'd seen in enough human minds to know that – if it was romantic enough – humans remembered this night for years afterwards. A spectacular prom rang out in their memories along with other memorable occasions: weddings, impressive dates that led to more, happy moments that lingered. True, many humans remembered this occasion bitterly, an event ending often with a backseat or hotel rendezvous that left much to be desired. Not my Bella. She would have the night of her life tonight, and I would see to that. I looked at her appraisingly again. Alice had chosen a beautiful dress in that perfect shade of blue that I so loved on Bella.
“I did mention that you looked very nice, didn't I?” I kept grinning at her like a lovesick fool.
“Yes,” she said. Her voice was shaky as she took in my appearance as well. I'd enlisted Alice's help in choosing a tuxedo for the occasion. I knew the designer label she'd chosen complimented my form rather nicely, and I felt a swell of pride knowing that Bella might appreciate it. I would never cease to be overwhelmed by the thought of Bella finding me attractive.
“I'm not coming over anymore if Alice is going to treat me like Guinea Pig Barbie when I do,” she muttered. I laughed happily in response. I knew from Alice's thoughts – weeks leading up to this day, in fact – that Bella had indeed endured an insufferable day at Alice's hands. I knew she didn't mind it too much, but I hoped I could make it up to her, make her forget about it tonight.
Suddenly I felt my cell phone vibrate and begin to ring in my pocket. I pulled it out and glanced cursorily at the caller ID before flipping it open to answer.
“Hello, Charlie,” I said. Despite the fact that I was a vampire with nearly a century of experience as a lethal predator, I still had the same hesitations and concerns as any young boyfriend wishing to impress his girl's father.
Bella looked over at me with concern. “Charlie?”
“Listen, Edward,” Charlie said gruffly. He hesitated, and I worried briefly that he was going to tell me he'd changed his mind about letting me take Bella to the prom. “Tyler's here...” He paused again. I felt my concern lift and couldn't contain the laughter that swelled up as Charlie continued. “He seems to think he had a date with Bella for tonight.”
“You're kidding!” I continued laughing. Oh, this was too rich. I knew Tyler had never taken Bella's rejection to heart, but I didn't realize he was truly this dense. We only ever separated for the few classes we had apart. How could he still think he had a chance with her?
“No, unfortunately, I'm not.” Charlie sounded terribly uncomfortable.
“Why don't you let me talk to him?” I couldn't hide the note of satisfaction in my voice. For all my attempts at being a gentleman, at being a modern-thinking man, there was very much a possessive streak in me that wanted to mark Bella as my territory. I was going to relish putting this child in his place. I heard the muffled noises of Charlie giving the phone over to him.
“Hello?” Tyler's voice on the other end of the line sounded confused.
“Hello, Tyler, this is Edward Cullen,” I said. I infused my voice with a friendly tone, lacing it with just a hint of the venom I felt pooling in my mouth. I forced myself to stop the mental images I'd seen in Tyler's head months ago when he asked Bella to the prom. In the corner of my eye, I caught Bella taking in the extravagant French dress Alice had fitted her in, and I knew she was starting to figure out the plan for the night.
“I'm sorry if there's been some kind of miscommunication, but Bella is unavailable tonight.” I bit my tongue for half a second, willing myself to stay in control. It never got any easier for me to be confronted with the idea of Bella with another man, even if a boy like Tyler would be much safer for her. I couldn't contain the edge of loathing – and immense satisfaction – that seeped into my voice as I continued. “To be perfectly honest, she'll be unavailable every night, as far as anyone besides myself is concerned.” I held back the snicker that threatened to break out. “No offense. And I'm sorry about your evening.”
I snapped the phone shut. There, I'd been cordial, at least. I couldn't be held responsible for the consequences if Tyler didn't heed the warning. I felt a smile fill my face again as I thought for perhaps the thousandth time this hour that Bella was my date to the prom. Bella was mine.
I could smell the flush of blood filling Bella's face as she began to blush furiously. I could taste a hint of salt in the air and I knew she was starting to cry. I immediately felt remorse for my antics on the phone. Of course Bella would be put off by my possessive, Neanderthal display. “Was that last part a bit too much? I didn't mean to offend you.”
“You're taking me to the prom,” she blurted out. She looked furious. Cute, but furious.
Willing myself not to exhale a patronizing sigh, I pressed my lips together and glared through the windshield. “Don't be difficult, Bella.” Really, I was surprised it took her so long to figure it all out. It was the end of the school year, and the posters had been plastered in the hallways on campus for weeks. I know we were preoccupied a bit after returning to Forks, but she had to know...
“Why are you doing this to me?” Her voice was petulant.
Motioning to the tuxedo I was wearing, I rolled my eyes at her. “Honestly, Bella, what did you think we were doing?”
I watched her response carefully. She seemed to sputter for a moment, and then the blush continued from her face into her neck and across her beautiful shoulders. Her face crumpled as her tears began to flow freely. I knew she didn't like surprises, but this was extreme, even for her.
“This is completely ridiculous. Why are you crying?” What I wouldn't give to be able to read her mind! For all the comfort and solace I found in her silences, I would never get used to the anxiety of not being able to anticipate her reactions to things. Wasn't it every girl's dream to have a romantic evening like this? I'd certainly seen it often enough in the minds of our classmates. Of course, Bella had never been like the rest. It followed suit that she would make this excessively difficult for us both.
Bella went on to gripe and moan about being dragged to prom. I was forced to “dazzle” her, as she called it. I knew I wasn't playing fair, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
“Fine,” she sulked. She was so adorable when she pouted. I wanted to pull that puffy lower lip into my mouth and... Dammit, Edward! I turned my attention back to Bella. “I'll go quietly. But you'll see. I'm way overdue for more bad luck. I'll probably break my other leg. Look at this shoe! It's a death trap!” She extended her cast-free leg into the air to demonstrate her point, but all I could focus on was the creamy flesh of her leg as it extended up and under her dress. This was not helping my train of thought.
“Hmmm,” I hummed happily. I continued to stare at the luscious sight before me. I scanned down to the offending shoe, which framed her lovely leg perfectly. “Remind me to thank Alice for that tonight.”
She quickly changed the topic and we discussed further the agonizing experience that prom would be for her. I tried to reassure her by telling her my siblings would be there as well, but this only seemed to increase her horror.
As we pulled up to the school, I felt a tightening in the muscles of my stomach. For all my confidence that I could and would make this night romantic and memorable for Bella, I had my trepidations. It's odd how she seemed to think this all came so naturally to me. I'd never courted a girl before, and every step we took in this relationship was just as new to me as it was to her.
Yes, I was nervous. I was nervous like hell. I had to keep it together, though. For Bella. Always for Bella.
I stepped out of the car and walked at an agonizing human pace over to Bella's door. I opened it for her and extended my hand, hoping I played the part of the debonair gentleman just right. Bella stayed in the car, her arms crossed over her chest and that succulent lower lip extended in a pout.
I sighed. “When someone wants to kill you, you're as brave as a lion,” I groaned. “And then when someone mentions dancing...” I trailed off, shaking my head. After everything we'd been through, didn't she trust me? I would easily die before I would ever let any harm befall her again. “Bella, I won't let anything hurt you – not even yourself,” I added. “I won't let go of you once, I promise.”
She gazed up at me through the dark fringe of her lashes – darkened by Alice and her makeup, no doubt, which gave them a seductive smoky edge. I had to swallow back the surge of love and lust I felt for her. This girl would be my undoing. But, still, she at last seemed to relent.
“There now,” I murmured gently. I reached into the car and wrapped my arm around her waist and lifted her out of the Aston Martin. As insanely alluring as she looked in my “special occasion” car, I had plans for us tonight. “It won't be so bad,” I assured her.
After locking the car and securing the alarm – as if anything would happen to it here, of all places, but I was taking no chances with that car – I lifted Bella gently and half carried her toward the gymnasium. At least she was graceful about accepting my assistance in this.
As we entered the gym, we were both stunned by the scene before us. It was every tacky teen movie wrapped into one: balloons, crepe paper, glittery signs. It was hideous, and to top it off, I was assaulted by the raging scents of body odor and hormones. I held my breath for a moment to try to adjust. This was worse than gym class. I leaned over and buried my nose in Bella's hair, drawing in her scent. I'd grown accustomed to the smell of her blood, especially after the events in Phoenix, but I'd take the slight remaining burn of Bella over the sweaty gymnasium any day. I lost myself in Bella and tuned out the noise of the many juvenile minds around us.
“This looks like a horror movie waiting to happen,” Bella snickered. At least she was amused. I decided to play along with her joke.
“Well, there are more than enough vampires present,” I whispered into her ear as we approached the ticket table. She shivered a little as my cool breath swept down her neck. I loved to watch the delicious undulation of her muscles when I had that effect on her. She composed herself quickly.
Leaning into me conspiratorially, she whispered, “Do you want me to bolt the doors so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?”
I raised an eyebrow and gave her a disapproving glance. The ease with which she took my true nature sometimes disturbed me. “And where do you fit into that scheme?”
“Oh, I'm with the vampires, of course,” she murmured. The light dancing in her eyes told me this was best left for another time.
“Anything to get out of dancing,” I suggested. She agreed, and I couldn't help but be amused.
I bought our tickets and tried to lead her to the dance floor. She dragged her awkward cast on the ground and refused to be any help as I tried to move forward.
“Edward,” she whispered harshly. “I honestly can't dance!” I could hear her heart fluttering in her chest as she began to panic. Would that sound never cease to make my chest ache?
“Don't worry, silly,” I whispered back to her. Trying to reassure her, I took her arms gently in my hands and wrapped them around my neck. “I can.” I put my hands on her hips and lifted her slightly, positioning her feet on top of mine before setting her down again. Her heart fluttered again at my touch, but the change in her breathing led me to believe it was for a different reason now. I let that thought sink in briefly and pushed it aside.
I held her close to me and we moved effortlessly across the floor. I was suddenly grateful to Esme for her insistence that I remember how to dance properly. I'd always assured her that it was unnecessary, that there would never be an occasion for which I would need to know how to dance. How wrong – how gloriously wrong – I was! And how I loved this feeling of Bella pressed close to me, being surrounded in her smell, in the soft sound of her heartbeat – of knowing that I was the lucky one who could share in this night with her. It filled me with a giddy sense of joy every time I let myself truly realize that this goddess of a girl had chosen me. I took in a deep, heady breath of her scent again, only to find... Something was off.
Immediately, my head snapped up and my eyes flickered to the doorway. The smell was that boy, the Quileute who'd inadvertently informed Bella about vampires. His scent was strange, pungent, and overwhelming. Almost inhuman with its overpowering nature. I couldn't contain the snarl that rumbled from my chest as he walked towards us.
“Behave!” Bella admonished me. I bit my tongue, hard, to keep myself steady.
I glanced through the boy's thoughts, dismayed to find he was resolute in his motive. “He wants to chat with you,” I said dryly. As the boy – Jacob, wasn't it? – approached, Bella seemed happy to see him. He asked to cut in and I fought every instinct in my body as I gently set Bella down on the ground. I didn't trust myself to speak, with the venom flowing freely in my mouth and my only desire to grab Bella and never let go. I could barely contain the rage I felt at the thought of Jacob holding Bella in his arms – and that was the only thought in Jacob's mind at that particular moment.
“Thanks,” Jacob said as I stepped aside. I nodded, continuing to scan his thoughts. His father had sent him here, telling him to ask Bella to stay away from me and my family. I relaxed a little, knowing he didn't know the truth about us – and knowing that Bella did. She knew what I was, and she chose me anyway, as dangerous as that was for her. I walked away, positioning myself against one of the walls of the gymnasium. I kept my eyes on them as they moved awkwardly to the music, listening to their conversation from afar. Even with the music and the chatter surrounding us – and the very loud, rather lewd thoughts of a teenaged girl eyeing me – I could hear their voices perfectly.
I listened as Jacob delivered his warning, hearing in his thoughts and in his voice that he felt ludicrous about it. As they continued to talk, his thoughts drifted from the task at hand and he began to admire Bella's appearance. He told her she looked pretty tonight. A low rumbling began in my chest as I watched his eyes drift to the slight amount of cleavage her dress allowed. Mine, a voice inside me snarled. As the song ended, I propelled myself from the wall and over to where they were now standing still. Jacob asked her if she wanted to dance again just as I made it to them. I knew I'd moved too quickly, but I didn't care about my human guise in that moment. I just needed Bella.
“That's all right, Jacob. I'll take it from here.” I let my voice show a hint of the menace I felt toward him. He flinched as I stared him down, and then he quickly excused himself. He at least had the decency to apologize to Bella before he made his exit. His thoughts were disjointed, bouncing between notions of Bella's beauty and wondering if his father's superstitions were entirely wrong after all.
As I put my arms around Bella again, I couldn't bring myself to care about Jacob anymore. I was enveloped in her warm scent of freesia and strawberries, and it grounded me. All that mattered was Bella. I could feel her heartbeat raging in a pulse point on her hip and I pressed my hand there more firmly to feel it under her dress. She leaned into me, sighing as she rested her head on my chest. We relaxed into one another and danced slowly, out of time with the music. I didn't care. Heaven itself could not compare to this moment and nothing could pull me away.
“Feeling better?” Her voice surprised me, reminding me of the conversation and thoughts I'd just witnessed.
“Not really,” I exhaled. I tried to sound calmer, more confident than I really felt. I didn't want to ruin this night for her with my jealousy.
She sighed. “Don't be mad at Billy. He just worries about me for Charlie's sake. It's nothing personal.”
I couldn't help the hint of anger in my voice. “I'm not mad at Billy,” I said. “But his son is irritating me.” I pursed my lips, knowing I was letting my jealousy get the better of me. I couldn't help it. Bella had to know what it did to me to see her in the arms of another man. She pulled back and studied my face. I willed my eyes to show my love for her instead of my petty jealousy.
“Why?” She looked at me incredulously.
“First of all, he made me break my promise,” I said. I knew I sounded like a four year old, but I couldn't seem to help myself. She looked at me with confusion, and I couldn't help it as the corners of my mouth lifted at the adorable sight. “I promised I wouldn't let go of you tonight,” I reminded her.
“Oh. Well, I forgive you,” she chirped happily.
“Thanks. But there's something else,” I said. I began to frown. Again, Bella looked at me with confusion clouding her beautiful features. “He called you pretty,” I murmured. My face was turned into a full scowl again at the memory of the boy's inadequate words. “That's practically an insult, the way you look right now. You're much more than beautiful.” I felt a sudden grief as I realized my own words were far too inadequate to describe my Bella.
She laughed, though the blush coloured her cheeks as ever. “You might be a little biased,” she muttered.
“I don't think that's it,” I said. “Besides, I have excellent eyesight.” I tried to lighten the moment with a joke, feeling the intensity rising up in my chest. It was too much.
“So are you going to explain the reason for all of this?” She looked up at me through those unbearable eyelashes again. For a moment, I couldn't figure out what she meant, and then she rolled her eyes at the ridiculous prom decorations. Suddenly, the room felt too close; there were too many people around us, intruding on what I needed to be a private moment. I needed to take Bella away from all of this, to be alone with her even for a few minutes. I whisked her up quickly and made my way out of the gymnasium. As we walked, I vaguely registered the thoughts of her friends as we passed them. Mike Newton's typically lewd thoughts rang the loudest, and as we reached the exit I frantically pulled Bella up fully into my arms and pushed through the doors. I relished in the feel of her weight against me as I walked us to a nearby bench. I settled her down before taking the seat next to her, afraid to make eye contact with her in this moment.
“The point?” Her soft voice beckoned me back to her. I wasn't ready yet, this moment felt too big, too surreal. Her mortal minutes were slipping by us, ever faster. I looked up at the moon instead of looking at my beloved Bella.
“Twilight, again,” I said softly. An overwhelming sadness began to fill me. “Another ending. No matter how perfect the day is, it always has to end.” How could I make her understand everything I wanted for her? She was still so young, yet, with so much life ahead of her. I could only vaguely remember when I was mortal, her age, but I knew I was much the same – eager to march off to some unknown destiny without a second thought. She didn't need my assistance in that department too.
“Some things don't have to end,” she said bitterly.
“I brought you to the prom because I don't want you to miss anything.” I spoke slowly and softly, trying to convey to her everything I wanted her to understand. “I don't want my presence to take anything away from you, if I can help it. I want you to be human. I want your life to continue as it would have if I'd died in 1918 like I should have.” Those last words felt like poison on my tongue, for I could not imagine this alternate reality in which I'd never met Bella. It was unbearable. But I knew that what I was saying was for her own benefit, not for mine. As I'd said to her in the very beginning, if I could take myself away from her for her own good, it would mean I truly loved her. And if I could remove the evil touch of my kind from her life, to protect her, to keep her beautiful heart beating, I would do it. I was far too selfish to leave her now, but I wanted to at least make her life continue as normally as possible.
She shuddered visibly as I spoke and I could hear her heartbeat speed up as she turned to me angrily. “In what strange parallel dimension would I ever have gone to prom of my own free will?” Her voice was demanding, and on this point, at least, I knew she was probably right. Still, if I'd never come along, she might have eventually said yes to Mike or even Tyler. “If you weren't a thousand times stronger than me, I would never have let you get away with this.”
A vague, half-hearted smile formed on my lips. Did she not enjoy the evening? Had I failed her miserably in this, too? “It wasn't so bad,” I murmured hopefully. “You said so yourself.”
“That's because I was with you,” she said softly. I still couldn't bear to look at her, knowing that if I did, all I would want to do is gather her in my arms and kiss her for all eternity. Instead, I busied myself with an investigation into the small craters of the moon. I began to wonder again at the events before we arrived at the prom, at what Bella may have thought was going to happen tonight. I had to know.
“Will you tell me something?” I asked her gently. I risked a glance at her and looked away quickly. After all this time, she still took my breath away.
“Don't I always?” She seemed put off that I questioned her honesty with me. Still, I had to be sure. Unable to read her mind, I often had to settle for the censored version of her thoughts.
“Just promise me you'll tell me,” I pushed. I could feel the smile form on my face as I looked at her again.
“Fine,” she muttered.
“You seemed honestly surprised when you figured out that I was taking you here,” I said. I watched her face closely for a reaction. Her eyes narrowed.
“I was,” she said flatly. I pushed on.
“You must have had some other theory... I'm curious – what did you think I was dressing you up for?” I watched her purse her lips in response, and I prayed she would not edit her thoughts for me.
“I don't want to tell you,” she said shakily.
“You promised!” My voice sounded nearly like a whine but I couldn't help my reaction. I hated when she kept things from me.
She said that she thought her idea would upset me, or make me sad, but I couldn't imagine anything the lovely girl before me could do that would evoke either reaction from me. Didn't she realize by now that she was my everything? I begged her, pleading with her to unveil her mind to me for just a moment. Finally, she relented.
“Well... I assumed it was some kind of... occasion.” She hesitated. “But I didn't think it would be some trite human thing... prom!” She rolled her eyes as she spouted the words.
I heard the message loud and clear. “Human,” I repeated. I felt the anger swell in my chest – not at Bella, but at the ridiculous difference in thinking between her mind and mine. Here I'd been excited that we were going to enjoy a romantic, normal evening together, and she'd hoped for something more... supernatural.
She fidgeted nervously before finally blurting out the rest of her thoughts. “So I was hoping that you might have changed your mind... that you were going to change me after all.” She was breathless as she spoke and she refused to meet my gaze.
My mind reeled, traveling at top speed through all the varied reactions to her ridiculous idea. She thought I was going to change her tonight? In a single beat of Bella's heart I flew through anger, sadness, raging against the idea of taking her life from her, of sending her to the eternal damnation I was surely destined for. Didn't she realize? Didn't she understand by now? I struggled to calm myself, and settled on the vague hint of sarcastic amusement at her naiveté.
“You thought that would be a black tie occasion, did you?” I let the sarcasm hide the pain in my voice. I forced a smile onto my face and she scowled at me. The beautiful pink blush filled her cheeks. Such a human reaction. That relaxed me and the smile on my face became less forced.
“I don't know how these things work. To me, at least, it seems more rational than prom does.” She huffed. I fought back a laugh – truly I would never understand how Bella's mind worked. Sometimes it was like she was from a different planet. “It's not funny,” she complained.
Suddenly I felt the smile slip from my face. “No, you're right,” I said sadly. “It's not. I'd rather treat it like a joke, though, than believe you're serious.” It was true. I felt a physical, tangible pain in my chest at the very thought of Bella lying cold and lifeless. It was unlike anything I'd ever felt, and I would do anything to keep that pain away.
“But I am serious,” she said quietly.
I exhaled loudly, not realizing I'd been holding my breath. It was pointless, breathing, but it felt natural. “I know,” I said. I looked at her. “You're really that willing?”
She merely nodded at me, her eyes shimmering slightly with hope.
“So ready for this to be the end,” I said. “For this to be the twilight of your life, though your life has barely started.” I knew I was waxing poetic, and that Bella would not understand the weight of my words for many years to come. “You're ready to give up everything.” The words felt heavy and cold, like me.
“It's not the end,” she said quietly. “It's the beginning.”
I wondered then what she saw in me. I certainly didn't know. I'd given her hints at the monster that lay beneath the facade of the man, but the hints alone should have been enough to scare her off. She knew I'd killed ruthlessly, she knew my eyes were once as red as the nomads' eyes, yet somehow she didn't seem to care. As much as I cherished every minute with her, I still believed in my heart – dead as it was – that she would be better off when she finally did run screaming from me.
“I'm not worth it,” I said. It was all I could bring myself to say.
“Do you remember when you told me that I didn't see myself very clearly?” She looked me in the eye, her face alight with the question. I nodded, my vampiric memory serving me well. I could recall the way her breathing hitched as I spoke, the way her scent changed with the hormones that shifted in reaction to me. I remembered far more of that conversation than she did. “You obviously have the same blindness,” she finished.
Oh, silly girl! She was comparing a bloodthirsty monster to a self-conscious – and undeniably good, pure, and beautiful – girl.
“I know what I am,” I said simply.
She sighed, giving up again for the moment, and I felt guilty for bringing the mood of the evening down with my brooding. I looked her in the eye and tried to believe for a moment that she understood all the consequences of her way of thinking.
“You're ready now, then?” I asked. I looked into her eyes as I heard her heartbeat begin to pound in her chest. I could hear the constricting muscles in her throat as she swallowed audibly. Her pupils dilated, perhaps out of excitement or perhaps fear – the adrenaline rush that coursed through her body could be caused by either sensation.
“Um,” she said. She hesitated, and then said, “Yes?”
I smiled as I saw through her bravado, through her raging hormones, through her youthful idealism. Still, in this moment, I loved her even more than I possibly ever had. She put this show on for me, to convince me that she loved me and wanted me for eternity. How could I not be grateful?
I inclined my head gently toward her, and softly pressed my lips to the spot where her jawline met her throat. “Right now?” I whispered. I let my breath out against her warm skin, her blood pulsing furiously just beneath my lips. She shivered, and I wasn't sure if it was from my cold touch or something else.
“Yes,” she whispered. Her body began to react to my proximity, trembling beneath my touch. She followed the familiar pattern of trying to restrain herself against me: her tiny fists balled up to keep themselves from burying into my hair, her heartbeat thudded loudly in her chest, her breathing became spastic.
I laughed then, and pulled back. It was too much. For a second, I almost believed it too. I teased her to make myself feel better. “You can't really believe that I would give in so easily,” I said. I hoped she didn't realize how fragile my grip on this issue really was. I was resolute in my goal of keeping her human, of living out her human days with her and then following her into the darkness. Yet there was a part of me – a dark, unbidden part – that longed to bring her into eternity with me. If she ever knew that there was a hint of that part inside me, she would never let it go.
“A girl can dream,” she said softly. This surprised me. It shouldn't, but it did. She never ceased to keep me guessing.
“Is that what you dream about?” I goaded her. “Being a monster?”
“Not exactly,” she said. Her beautiful face fell into a frown. “Mostly I dream about being with you, forever.”
I couldn't help the ache in my chest at her words. How did this tiny human girl manage to constantly echo my own emotions? How could her fragile, mortal heart possibly hold as much love as my unbreakable, eternal one?
“Bella,” I breathed. I reached out and touched her full lips gently, tracing the route I longed to touch with my own lips. “I will stay with you,” I promised. “Isn't that enough?” I begged her with my eyes, to please just let it go. To let me do this my way.
She smiled into my fingertips. “Enough for now,” she said.
I couldn't help the light growl that escaped me in my frustration. She would never understand what it was she was asking of me, demanding from me. I had been tested to my limits in Phoenix, when I had to taste her blood to pull her back from the edge of death. I had come so close to either losing her, or to letting her face eternal damnation. I knew what it felt like and I would never feel it again. Not if I could help it. Her eyes softened as she took in my frown.
She reached out to touch me, bringing me back from the dark place in my heart. “Look,” she said as she stroked my cheek gently. “I love you more than everything else in the world combined. Isn't that enough?” I felt my resolve weaken, and I couldn't help the smile that filled my face at her confession of love for me.
“Yes, it is enough,” I murmured. Oh, if my still heart could beat again... “Enough for forever.”
I pressed my lips to Bella's throat again, enjoying the feel of her strong heartbeat beneath my touch. I would never take this from her.
Never.
