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first light by blondie






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During the days that followed, Edward and I went everywhere within ten miles of the house.  We ran, climbed, and tracked animals.  We hunted a couple of more times, finding moose and another bear that I got to try.  I had never seen Edward so relaxed and happy.  This really was a great honeymoon.

Saturday morning rolled around again, finding us inside for a change.  I was reading one of the few books I'd brought, and Edward was watching the nearly silent TV.  Everyone else was out and about.

I leaned over against Edward and he wrapped his arm around me.  He glanced down at what I was reading. 

"Anne of Green Gables, eh?  She gets into nearly as much trouble as you do."  He snickered as I looked up from the book.  "How many times have you read this one?"  He touched my ragged copy and turned off the TV.

 "A few.  I don't have a lot of choices here, you know."  I saw something mysterious in Edward's eyes as I spoke, but ignored it for now.  "So this was published when you were a kid, right?"

"Yes.  I think it came out before 1910.  Why?"  His eyebrows rose with curiosity.

"I was wondering if anything in this story was similar to how you grew up.  Do you remember anything about being a kid?"  Reading the story again had made me curious about Edward's childhood.

"I do remember some."  He held out his hand, and I took it in mine.  Edward had never revealed this part of his life to me before.  "You have to remember that I grew up in Chicago, a city of two million people, not on a farm."  He closed his eyes, and I could see the city.  Edward remembered different locations, the river, the high rises, horse drawn carriages, street cars.  I saw the theater, Christmas lights, and then he lingered on a baseball game.  We looked around the stadium, and I saw the scoreboard:  World Series, White Sox vs. Cubs.

"Wow, you went to the world series as a kid?  No wonder you love baseball."  I was impressed.

He smiled.  "Yes.  My father took me to Game 3.  It was in 1906, I was five.  It still is the only time that the Sox and Cubs ever met in the World Series.  That's one of my strongest memories."

"Do you remember what your parents looked like?  If it doesn't bother you."  I waited.

The baseball memory continued.  We looked up at the man next to us; his face was shaped exactly like Edward's.  Only his hazel eyes were different, and he had deep brown hair and a mustache.  He wore a tweed business suit and a hat.  As Edward's memory scanned the crowd, I could tell his father was very well dressed compared to everyone else.

The memory changed, taking us to a dark place.  Edward was lying down, looking up at someone.  We could hear coughing and retching, and the smell was nearly unbearable.  We focused on the face above us.  I knew in an instant that it was Edward's mother.  Her hair color was identical to his, as were her eyes - only a brilliant green.  Her face was softer, rounder, and filled with love as she mopped his brow with a damp towel. 

I recognized the sparkling heart dangling from her neck; it was the same multi-carat diamond that Edward had given me for graduation.  I could feel the cool compress she placed on Edward's forehead.  She sang as she tended him, a soft, old melody.  As the memory faded I saw a man stand behind her and just glimpsed Carlisle.

Edward's hand slipped out of mine.  As I looked up at him he turned away, and I could tell that he missed his mother more than he'd ever let on before. 

"Thank you.  She loved you very much." 

He nodded slowly.  "She would sing to me all the time, right up to the end." 

I put my head on his chest and held him tightly.  There was nothing I could say.

Edward took a deep breath.  "After Carlisle changed me I could read his memories of my mother, and how she sacrificed herself trying to save me."  He pulled me close and kissed the top of my head.  "Until I met you, I didn't think I would ever find a love that strong ever again."

I looked up and saw that his sorrow was fading.  I kissed him gently.  "Thanks for finding me."

We sat silently listening to each other's breathing, but were interrupted when Edward's cell phone vibrated.  I released him so he could answer.  He squinted at the number before he answered. 

"Yes..."  He listened for a minute.  He looked down at my face with an expression I couldn't interpret then said, "Today would be fine.  Thank you."  He pushed end, then said "Carlisle" into the phone.  I looked up at him quizzically, but he just smiled mysteriously at me.  "Are you available today?  ...It's here...  Yes, that's what I was thinking.  Around noon...  And if you get a chance, could you pick up another book or two for Bella?  Thank you."  He hung up the phone and looked at me, smug.

"What was all that about?"  I looked at him suspiciously.

"Nothing, really.  I was just scheduling a delivery."  Edward continued to keep me in suspense.

My birthday was next week.  "So my present is ready, is it?"  I assumed he was arranging for Carlisle to deliver my new car.  I had agreed not to complain about the gift, but I still loved my slow truck.  "Can I keep my truck, too?"

"Of course you can, since that wasn't your car."  He smirked again.  "It is actually my traveling piano.  I had it shipped here from storage."  Edward couldn't resist a chuckle at my embarrassed face.

"Fine.  Carlisle and Esme are coming to babysit, then."  I muttered.

"Not exactly."  His face grew serious.  "I'm having the piano delivered here.  I have to be here to sign for it."  He waited for my brain to absorb the information.  Delivered.  By a human. 

I froze.

Edward put his arms around me, his voice soft.  "Carlisle and Esme will be here with you.  The whole thing will take no more than ten minutes.  It's time you started to get used to the scent of humans."  I tried to imagine making it ten minutes without attacking the innocent delivery man, having Carlisle and Esme hold me back.  I wouldn't let myself think what would happen if they let go.

"Bella, you can do this, I know you can."  Edward encouraged.  I tried to relax.

"Was it hard for you, the first time?"  I turned to look in his eyes, but he tilted his head away.  His first contact with humans must not have been a positive one. 

I tried again.  "How old were you?"  He didn't move.  "Please..."  I started to move my hands to touch his skin, but he held me tighter, stopping me.

Edward's words came fast.  "I was ten days old to this life.  It was nearly two a.m. and Carlisle was at work.  A man came to the door, bleeding, begging for help.  He knew that Carlisle was a doctor.  I wasn't supposed to answer the door, but the smell..."  I could see that the memory haunted him.  Was I doomed to repeat it?

"I don't know if I'm ready.  I should just go out into the woods until he's gone."  I tried to get up, but Edward still held me tight.  "You know I'm stronger than you," I warned. 

He released me, but then stroked my cheek.  You are stronger than me, Bella, in so many ways.  I won't let you make a mistake like that.  Trust me.  He smiled and kissed me. 

"I'm afraid, Edward.  I'm afraid that I'll lose control and hurt you or Carlisle or Esme if you try to stop me.  I could smell blood as a human, can you imagine what that will be like now?"  I was starting to panic.

"That's right, I'd forgotten about your sensitivity to blood as a human."  He thought for a moment.  "I wonder how that will change your reaction.  This should be interesting."  Edward didn't seem concerned at all.  My hands started to shake with fear.

"You won't hurt anyone, I promise."  He kissed me again, long and strong, trying to erase my panic.  He reduced it to manageable fear.

We both had to catch our breath when he let me go.  "Can we at least go hunt before he gets here?  That helps, right?"  Neither of us was thirsty, but I wanted all the help I could get.

"Sure, let's go."  He smiled, happy that I was going along with his plan.

 

When we got back, Carlisle and Esme were home.  We went and cleaned up.  As I brushed out my hair, I looked at myself in the mirror.  I was so full of animal blood that I actually had a tint to my skin, making me look like my old human self...until I looked at my eyes.  They were light orange, very unnatural.  As I stared in the mirror, Esme tapped on the open door.  "How are you doing?"

"I was just thinking that I look almost human, except for my eyes.  They at least are getting more yellow, I think, but definitely not human."  I scowled.

"I brought you something for that."  She smiled warmly as she held out her hand.  In her palm was a pair of lightly tinted blue sunglasses.

I was touched by her thoughtfulness.  "Thank you, Esme."  I immediately tried them on, and they muted the orange-yellow to a more natural brownish-green.  They actually looked great on me as well, and the tinting was so light they wouldn't attract attention being worn indoors.  "These are perfect."  I turned to hug her.  "Thanks again."

We walked back out to the family room and sat down to wait for the guinea pig delivery man.  I was sure there was nothing in the FedEx manual about deliveries to vampires.

As we waited, Carlisle and Edward rearranged the tables and shelves in the living room to make space for the piano.  It was actually a high end Yamaha synthesizer.  Anything bigger wouldn't have fit in our small home without removing furniture.  I started on one of the new books that Carlisle had bought me in town while Esme flipped through her favorite architectural magazine, making sketches on a notepad.

Too soon we heard the delivery truck amble down the long road to the house.  Carlisle sat down on the other side of me, and I put on my new sunglasses.  Esme put her hand on my leg.  "You'll be fine, Bella.  We'll help you." 

Carlisle rubbed my back before picking up his newspaper.  "Just relax."  He sounded calm, not worried in the least.  I took a deep breath as I heard the brakes of the truck squeak and picked my book back up.  Edward looked over at me, confident, as he stood up.  He waited for the doorbell before opening the door.

He pulled the door open quickly, forcing the scent of our visitor my direction.  At first I held my breath, but Carlisle quietly scolded, "Bella," in my ear.  Slowly I took a breath. 

The smell was complex.  It wasn't like how Edward remembered my smell at all, and that surprised me.  I flinched as I realized the smell reminded me of grilled steak, very rare.  I could hear the man's breathing and his heartbeat.  I waited for my instincts to kick in, but nothing happened. 

I took another breath, and could separate the smell of blood from the smell of the man.  The sweet blood still had a rust and salt component, but it was pleasing, not stomach turning.  My throat felt warm, but not burning.  I hazarded a glance up, realizing that only a few seconds had passed.  Edward was still greeting the man.  He turned back from the door as the man went to retrieve the package, the paperwork done.

Edward peered at me intently, reading my face.  I smiled carefully up at him through my glasses and shrugged.  So far so good.

Now the test got harder.  The synthesizer box was a large, heavy, silver road case, and it took two delivery men to bring it in.  I heard both their heartbeats before they came through the door.  Their breathing was labored; the synthesizer was heavy.

Edward waved them in, then watched me.  The first man's scent was still in my brain when the second man's scent floated in.  It was similar, like the steak was marinated instead of grilled, and his blood was sweeter.  My throat felt warmer than before, and I swallowed. 

Again, I waited for the monster in me to appear, for my brain to show me how I was going to attack this prey, but it stayed quiet inside me.  I watched the men set the box down, noting that I could actually see their pulse when their throat was exposed.  Just as my mind started to wonder about their taste, they went back to the truck.  I took a careful breath.  "Is that it?"  I looked at Edward.

"Not quite.  There are a couple more pieces they have to bring in.  How are you?"  His tone was more excited than curious.

"I'm okay."  I was still surprised at myself. 

Edward appeared before me and grabbed my hand, pulling me up off the sofa.  Carlisle hissed at him, but he glared back.  Do you trust me?  he thought.

Did I trust myself?  "I don't know."  I looked in his eyes.  Then I heard the men come in again, each with another, smaller road case.

Edward held me tightly around the waist, sneaking a touch under the edge of my blouse and pulled me toward the door.  The men stacked the boxes next to the synthesizer case and stopped in front of Edward and me.  My throat got hotter and I swallowed again.  Edward held out a tip to the first man and as he took it, the second man held his hand out to me.  What a lovely girl, his thoughts said. 

I looked at it and could see the rhythm of his pulse in his wrist. 

Don't break his hand.  Edward thought. 

I gingerly held out my hand and he took it.  Very gently, I matched his grip strength.  It would be so easy to crush his hand; it felt less substantial than packing peanuts in my fingers.  Then I looked in his face, and was reminded that this was not an animal, this was a sentient person.  His thoughts were still registering my frigid fingers. 

"Sorry, cold hands."  I smiled weakly.

The man gave me a friendly smile.  "Just like my wife.  Have a good day."  Then he was gone. 

Edward closed the door and let go of me.  I didn't move until I heard the truck drive down the road.  Then I put my hands on my knees, trying to release the tension my body felt.

"Edward, you shouldn't push her."  Esme scolded.  He rubbed my back.

"I knew Bella could do it."  Then to me, "I'm proud of you, you did great."

I took another cleansing breath and felt the human scent dissipate.  I straightened up slowly. 

Carlisle still hadn't said a word, but was watching me closely.  "How are you, Bella?"  His voice was clinical.

"I'm okay.  Better than I thought I would be.  Just trying to relax."  I swallowed again, my throat beginning to cool.  I still couldn't believe that I didn't seriously think about killing those men.  I looked up at Edward.

The pride in his face was still evident.  "Penny."  He didn't bother to finish the phrase.

I went and sat down, still trying to calm myself.  "I didn't try and kill them.  I smelled them, and my throat got hot, but I didn't even imagine killing them."  I shook my head, amazed at myself.  "How did you know?"

"I know you.  Your control is amazing, and we prepared you for the challenge.  I trust you."  He squatted down next to me to look directly in my eyes.  "Remember, you trusted me with your life, over and over again, and you smelled much more appetizing than those guys."  He smiled.

I looked at Carlisle again.  He was still analyzing me, but smiled back.  "How did you feel when you shook hands, Bella?"  It seemed like Carlisle was trying to make a decision.

"Edward reminded me to be gentle, which was a good idea, and I focused on that.  I could see and then feel the pulse in his hand, and I did realize that I could easily break every bone in his body.  His hand was so warm and fragile.  It reminded me of the day we held baby ducks in kindergarten."  I smiled, embarrassed at my childish comparison.  "But then I remembered he was a person, not an animal."  My voice faded as I remembered, still not sure how I controlled myself.

"That's very descriptive, Bella.  Quite remarkable."  Carlisle looked at Edward.  I could see that he was telling Edward something, but I didn't care.  I could actually imagine living a semi-normal life, eventually. 

I had been so focused on controlling my new self that I hadn't thought about the rest of the world at all.  Simple things like shopping or attending college were now real possibilities in my future.  I hadn't realized how much I had given up or forgotten about.

I was ignoring everyone else in the room, lost in my thoughts.  When Edward touched my arm, I jumped.

"Bella, I'm sorry, are you okay?"

"Sorry, I was thinking."  I looked up at him, trying to tell him I would explain later.  "What were you saying?"  He nodded toward Carlisle.  I turned to face my father who had moved next to me.

"Bella, I think it's time for us to head to Idaho.  Your progress is fantastic, and I think that you and Edward will be fine alone.  Will you and Edward come to visit us at Thanksgiving?"  As Carlisle spoke, I could see pride in his eyes, too.  I looked at Esme, and happiness filled her face. 

"You're leaving... so soon?"  I was confused.

"You don't need our help any more.  You need to finish your honeymoon with your husband."  Pride also colored Esme's words.

Suddenly, I felt like I was graduating from high school all over again.  I didn't know what to say.  I stood up, and hugged Carlisle tightly.  As he held me he whispered in my ear, "Well done, Bella.  I'm very proud of you."  We relaxed and I looked in his face.  His expression echoed his words, and he stroked my cheek.  He stepped aside, and I hugged Esme next. 

"Don't let Edward tease you too much.  I'll be looking forward to seeing you in November."  I kissed her on the cheek, and she returned the gesture.  Carlisle offered her his arm, and they went to the door.

"We'll see you soon," Carlisle said, and they left.  Edward put his arm around me as the car drove away.  We were alone.

It all happened so fast, I was stunned.  I stood, looking at the closed door, trying to understand everything that had happened in the past few minutes.  My mind was numb.

Edward wrapped both arms around me and looked in my eyes.  He started to lean in to kiss me, but my expression confused him.  I realized that my mouth was hanging open.  "Bella, are you alright?"  He squinted at me, then reached up to move a wayward lock of hair behind my ear.

"What just happened?"  I stammered.

"Carlisle only intended to stay until we didn't need him to help you maintain control.  You showed today that you have control.  He is extremely impressed with you."  He lifted my chin and pressed his lips to mine, holding me tightly.  My blank mind responded immediately, and he scooped me up and took me in the bedroom.  He set me gently on the bed.

"Was that some kind of graduation?"  My brain was still reeling.

"You could say that."  He started to nuzzle my ear.  "Would you like to celebrate?"  He pulled me close, and I didn't need words to answer him.

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