Reviewer: ermireallydontcare (Signed) · Date: September 17, 2010 12:03 PM · On: Chapter 15 - There is No God, the Wicked Saith, Pt. III

I completely didn't catch on to what Chelsea was doing to Carlilse until Edward did.

I can't wait for the next chapter :)

Author's Response:

Thanks! I'm glad that the mystery was preserved, but look out... there's more manipulations ahead. *cackle*

Reviewer: miaokuancha (Signed) · Date: September 16, 2010 11:57 AM · On: Chapter 15 - There is No God, the Wicked Saith, Pt. III

Oh God, have I told you how much I utterly LIVE for this story? When I saw the update notice in my inbox I let out a war-whoop of joy.

And oh, how you deliver!

First of all, your prose. 

The way that you describe the movements of these ... BEINGS ...

Chelsea sped to the porch in a storm of gray fabric 

...

the three Volturi guards, who glided down the stairs in single file, somber and graceful. Birdsong hushed as they shimmered away into the woods.

guh!

Their environment:

Twilight was dwindling away now, a mere purplish glow filtering through birch and pine. A few brave crickets had taken up nearby and were chirping hesitantly.

The COLORS in that image! Purple, deep shadowed greens, and the scattered slender white like ghostly maidens in the woods. Wow.

...

Nor do you neglect the other senses ...

Cedar, birch, decaying leaves mired in soil, spruce, traces of woodsmoke, tangled webs of shed bird feathers, the pungent slime of slugs, squirrels, rabbits... 

So lushly beautiful.

And then there is your characterization of each and every character. Completely distinct. I love:

Chelsea's irritation about the ruining of her dress (prev chapter)

Santiago's "Merda!"

Fletcher's "I can't even think of feeding without you running off like some pansy."

And Demetri's estimation of American literature: "Pft."

{{ I have to confess that I have it bad for your Demetri. Even though he can be cruel in his superior disregard for humans, there is something about his self-deprecating humor (no one [in Volterra] takes me seriously any more) that is strangely appealing. I haven't figured him out yet, but I suspect perhaps more than meets the eye.  }}

And then there is your use of Twain.

"So endeth this chronicle. It being strictly a history of a boy, it must stop here; the story could not go much further without becoming the history of a man. When one writes a novel about grown people, he knows exactly where to stop—that is, with a marriage; but when he writes of juveniles, he must stop where he best can..."

...

"...Most of the characters that perform in this book still live, and are prosperous and happy. Some day it may seem worth while to take up the story of the younger ones again and see what sort of men and women they turned out to be; therefore it will be wisest not to reveal any of that part of their lives at present."

As with all of your little bits and pieces drawn from the great storehouse of literature this is so rich in meaning for the story. I am still rolling around your use of the drinking song from La Traviata in my heart. And is not our Edward just such a barefoot boy as Tom, whose story is suspended forever in his lost youth? Gah! Just kill me again.

And this:

Demetri sighed. "Eh, it had its moments, I suppose, but it lacks sophistication."

"It's for children," Carlisle said quietly.

"I'd forgotten it," Fletcher said, his thoughts drifting, trying to find old human memories that were permanently gone. "I think I read it when I was kid, but I don't remember much about any of that."

"Most human adults say the same thing about their childhood memories," Carlisle replied with a wan smile.

What a stunning sight of Carlisle's deep and compassionate soul.

Lastly let me pay both homage and appreciation to how you have carefully woven the threads of the subterranean struggle for souls that has been going on this entire afternoon. Yes, an afternoon that has spanned the length of three chapters and as night falls is not done yet. Carefully, precisely, you have woven the web whose strands only now are coming into view. Fletcher's predicament so poignant, so tragic. Carlisle so valiantly taking the brunt of the assault to himself, yet in so doing risking his relationship with Edward, who may not want to be so protected. Yet perhaps it will end safely after all, since now Edward's dander is up:

Something fiercely protective had been welling up inside in the last few moments ...

I also am deeply intrigued by the interest that is sparked in the guard, as well as in their prisoner, at Edward's statements about how hunting animals is more challenging than hunting humans. Wouldn't it be interesting if they were all tempted by the chase ... ?

What a rich and wonderful story. I am completely enthralled.

Author's Response:

Well, Mia, if this review of yours consisted of mere adulation, simple thanks would be an appropriate response, but that's not the case. Not only is your praise high, but you also (as always) manage to hit on aspects of the story that I truly treasured as I wrote them. Once again, you just get it.

So it's high time you got some extra insight; a real glimpse, if you will, behind the scenes.

As you know, this story is an exercise in discovering how Edward became the way he was when we met him in the Twilight saga. It started somewhat differently, though, with And Death Shall Have No Dominion as a one-shot; that obviously changed, for several reasons. The most primary reason was that I'd discovered how vividly Edward came across to me, and there was so much to his journey. However, that impetus wasn't enough by itself.

With Edward on the brain, I couldn't help but see him in so many things in everyday life, and it's one of those things that really gave the story legs to stand on. That's where the poetry and literature comes in.

One of the most fundamental things that inspired MLY was -you guessed it- a stanza from a poem. I first heard it recited in a film called In the Bedroom (one of the best and most profound films I've ever seen; the scene the poem is in is just astounding). When I heard that stanza, and the way the actor delivered it... not only was it perfect in the film (the themes of which are mostly unrelated), but it gave shape in my Twilight-occupied brain to everything about Edward's tale, and provided the inner werewithal to tell it. That's how this story happened; it wouldn't exist if it weren't for just a few lines of poetry.

The poem in question hasn't been used yet in MLY; it'll show up an appropriate time later on. However, I'm including for you a YouTube url to a clip of the poem's appearance in In the Bedroom. I don't think you'll find it a spoiler, because it doesn't allude to any specific future MLY events, and besides, you already understand this story's themes perfectly.

What would be spoilerish, however, is telling you why it's being recited in the movie itself, since you may want to see it sometime (if you haven't already). It's safe to watch the clip - it doesn't spoil the film - but the viewer comments do, so you might want avoid scrolling down to them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpyOCIEvyN0

I really can't thank you enough for your stunning reviews, so instead I offer up this tidbit as an expression of gratitude.

Reviewer: guineapig (Signed) · Date: September 16, 2010 10:36 AM · On: Chapter 15 - There is No God, the Wicked Saith, Pt. III

Ah I can't wait for more :)

Author's Response:

And if all goes, well, you won't have to wait long. :)

Author's Response:

And if all goes, well, you won't have to wait long. :)

Reviewer: Pocketcage (Signed) · Date: September 10, 2010 12:57 AM · On: Chapter 14 - There is No God, the Wicked Saith, Part II

This has been one of the most enjoyable reads.  Everyting was entirely believeable, and it answers so many questions that Twilight left out.  Your use of words is well thought out and  beautifully done.

Author's Response:

Thanks! When I set out to write this, I hoped to provide an illuminating look into Edward's mind, which we didn't truly get to see in the books. I'm happy he's coming through.

Reviewer: mousekitty (Signed) · Date: August 16, 2010 05:50 PM · On: Chapter 14 - There is No God, the Wicked Saith, Part II

This is a very good backstory.  I'm looking forward to future chapters.

Author's Response:

Thank you, and welcome to the story.

Reviewer: Alby Mangroves (Signed) · Date: August 05, 2010 07:18 PM · On: Chapter 14 - There is No God, the Wicked Saith, Part II

Fascinating! I can't imagine that Fletcher's dabbling in vegeterianism would make the Volturi very happy. What a wonderful insight into the life of the guards! I know they're all ruthless in Aro's service, but it's great to read them as more defined characters, with wants & needs of their own. It's also cool to read about Edward's early interaction with them, well before events set in the books :)

Author's Response:

Admittedly, I'm stretching arguable canon boundaries with this set of chapters. The books never establish that Edward had direct interaction with the Volturi prior to the events of New Moon (he never met the triad, that much is certain), but they never establish that he didn't, either. :D

Thanks for the comments!

Reviewer: AbruptlyChagrined (Signed) · Date: August 05, 2010 05:19 AM · On: Chapter 14 - There is No God, the Wicked Saith, Part II

Uh-oh....they won't like Fletcher warming up so much to Carlisle and his "ways".

It's been so long since I read about their guests' arivval, that I didn't realize Edward was unaware of Chelsea's power to mess with people's bonds and alliegiances.

I'm STILL chuckling over Edward's little trick on Demitri (and Demitri's reaction) from last chapter! ROFL

How long will/can Fletcher stay in Edward's form?....was that question already answered before?

The discussion between Carlisle and Edward about mates was interesting, as poor Carlisle didn't know he would ever have his Esme, nor Edward his Bella.

Beautifully written as always. Thank you.

Author's Response:

And thank YOU for the wonderful comments.

Yep, Edward is still in the dark about Chelsea's power.

It hadn't been mentioned specifically, but Fletcher can stay in Edward's form indefinitely. Once he touches another vampire male who's within a foot of his height, his body "memorizes" the structure of that other male, and he can transform at will. When it comes to human males, he must ingest their blood to be able to change. He can't take on the psychic or mental gifts of another vampire, but the next chapter reveals another facet of his talent. *grins evilly*

 

Reviewer: Oberst2 (Signed) · Date: August 05, 2010 12:28 AM · On: Chapter 13 - There is No God, the Wicked Saith, Pt. I

Hi Edward,

I just wanted to join all those before me, and tell you just how much I have loved this story . . . It is great!

I am also happy to read in one of the other reviews, that you plan on this story ended up with at least thirty-five chapters . . . I very much look forward to reading all of them.

Not to throw Stephanie under the bus (because without her stories, and characters, I would not be reading your version of them), but your writing is better than hers . . . so much so, that I hope that you just keep going with your story, when he meets Bella, whether or not you stay canon or not. It would be a real pleasure to read your version of that story (Twilight), since you convey so much about what the character "is", and what they are thinking/experiencing by the he (or she) acts . . . like your scene when Carlisle is throwing that pail of baseballs to/at Edward . . . the actions and reactions . . . convey "why" they are beautiful, and worth knowing, without simply saying that they are "impossibly beautiful".

Best of luck finishing it.

Author's Response:

Hello Oberst2,

Thank you for speaking up! I'm happy you're enjoying the story so much.

Whether my writing is better than Stephenie's or not is definitely in the eye of the beholder, but I concede that it is different.

I'm grateful as can be that she created these incredibly compelling characters. After reading the Twilight series, what sparked my imagination most was how Edward came to be the vampire we met in that first book, and how this family started, and My Lost Youth was born. It's a 95-98% canon tale. The current Volturi visit is the farthest I'll be stretching arguable canon boundaries (Steph's tale offers so much to work with as it is), and the story itself will end before Rosalie joins the family.

I have a few EPOV Pre-Twilight one-shots rolling around in my dusty brain, but I won't be doing anything about them until this monster is finished.

All that being said... you may be pleased to know that the epilogue of this story jumps into Twilight itself. So, even though you won't get a re-telling of Twilight from my writing, you'll get a very good idea of how I tie this into the original books.

Thank you again for the lovely comments.

 

Reviewer: bethc_88 (Signed) · Date: July 18, 2010 07:24 PM · On: Chapter 13 - There is No God, the Wicked Saith, Pt. I

It was great to see an update! I hope RL is more gentle with you in the coming months! I really enjoy this little look at the early part of Edward's life with Carlisle. It's interesting to see his journey. Can't wait to read more and I appreciate you sharing this story with us! :) Keep up the great work! :)

♥BethMasenCullen (that's my Twitter name too if you use Twitter!)

Author's Response:

I hope RL is gentler with me, too, lol. Thanks for the patience, and for reviewing.

Reviewer: scarlet (Signed) · Date: July 17, 2010 06:33 AM · On: Chapter 13 - There is No God, the Wicked Saith, Pt. I

Really great!!

Author's Response:

Thanks again. :) I hope you like the rest of the story.

Reviewer: BlueRegard (Signed) · Date: July 14, 2010 05:47 PM · On: Prologue

Wonderfully detailed as usual!  I am right there in the story, every word, every thought!  I love those pictures you create in my mind. 

But now I really, really want to know about Carlisle's theory...  Really.

Author's Response:

*lol*

Good.

I think you'll find it interesting.

I'm especially happy to know that everything is coming across vividly. Thanks, Blue. :)

Reviewer: firesphinx (Signed) · Date: July 14, 2010 10:23 AM · On: Chapter 5 - The Fire Soul

Finally!!!

You know, this was how I always expected it to be. I never agreed with the stories about how Edward willingly accepted his new life and then turned rotten when Esme showed up. This is about how I expected it.

Author's Response:

Thank you! I'm happy you liked it.

Reviewer: miaokuancha (Signed) · Date: July 13, 2010 01:42 AM · On: Chapter 13 - There is No God, the Wicked Saith, Pt. I

Ok, first of all, I would wait for this story until the cows came home, and then some.

Your choice of the aria is absolutely numinous.

"the goblets of joy adorned with beauty"

What humans are to the vampires. Oh my God.

And of course I know where you are going with Carlisle's sculpture.

This story is just so filled with everything that I would wish for from a tale in this mythos.  And so beautifully written.  I adore it, and adore you for writing it and sharing it with us.  Thank you thank you thank you!

How delicately you are weaving Edward's fall. All the little lures: feelings of kinship, vs alienation from his human origin, the oh-so-reasonable-compassionate-even request. Carlisle trying to do the right thing by not binding Edward to him.  Ahh! We must walk this lonesome valley, and either come out the other end saved through our errors and tribuiations, or not.

And you paint each character so carefully and so distinctively.  I love Demetri's whimsy, even as I am chilled by his nonchalance about the lives that he takes. That is amazing.

I've just gotten on twitter, so off I go to tweet your story to anyone who will listen.

Author's Response:

Wow, mia. Just wow.

You just dazzled me, dang it.

Pardon me while I go deflate my ego now...