Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 45

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 45

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 46

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 46

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 47

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 47

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 48

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 48

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 49

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 45

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 45

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 46

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 46

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 47

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 47

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 48

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 48

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 49

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 45

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 45

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 46

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 46

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 47

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 47

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 48

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 48

Deprecated: Function eregi() is deprecated in /home/twilight/public_html/header.php on line 49
Twilighted :: All-Inclusive, High-Quality Twilight Fan Fiction






Your donations help keep this site running,
thank you very much for the support!
Reviewer: 24601 (Signed) · Date: April 08, 2009 05:56 PM · On: Meeting the Cullens

Thanks for shortening the departure time in Chapter 2 - Your're right, it does move the story along more quickly.  Love what I've read so far!

Reviewer: 24601 (Signed) · Date: April 08, 2009 05:42 PM · On: The New Kid

I just picked up this story - the first chapter is fantastic!  Excellent writing

Reviewer: CullenDreamer (Signed) · Date: April 08, 2009 04:31 PM · On: A Skidding Van & A Savior

Not to belabor my original point *but* what I was trying to say was the terminology Alice was using was off.  Meaning there would be NO fight because Jasper is a vampire and Bella is a human.  Any confrontation would be, for lack of a better word, murder.  I know why Alice didn't want Jasper to fight, I read Twilight.  I was pointing out the word choice used was not the best because it didn't make sense in the Twilight world, even the AU one you've created.  It would read better as:  This settled our conversation, as Alice refused to let Jasper go after Bella - she was looking forward to being her good friend. Alternatives:  take Bella out, take care of Bella, etc.

The 'refused for Jasper to fight' is awkward sounding in general, never mind the bit about fighting.

Author's Response:

Alice refuses for Jasper to fight Bella because she wants Bella to live. Obviously she doens't think Bella could hurt Jasper, it's completely the other way around.

"This settled our conversation, as Alice refused for Jasper to fight Bella—she was looking forward to being her good friend."

Exactly. It's not because Bella killing Jasper would veto a relationship with Alice -- it's because Jasper killing Bella would veto a relationship between Bella and Alice.

CullenDreamer's Original Review:

"This settled our conversation, as Alice refused for Jasper to fight Bella"

Okay, I have to ask...fight Bella?  Jasper's a vampire, Bella's human.  Where exactly is the fight?  Wouldn't it be pretty much dinner time for Jazz?  Maybe Bella gets off a witty verbal put down before Jasper sinks his teeth into throat but I wouldn't call that a 'fight'.

I'm just saying....



Author's Response:

Alright, I admit that Jasper fighting Bella may not be the best word choice, but it would most likely end up being a fight as Edward would protect her. Although Jasper would end up calling her, it wouldn't be without a fight from at least one other Cullen.

I think the sentence "Alice refused for Jasper to fight Bella" makes sense. She refused for her husband to fight.

"I refused for my husband to fight." I mean, it could be reworded to "My husband fighting was something I refused him to do" but they're essentially the same thing

Reviewer: CullenDreamer (Signed) · Date: April 08, 2009 04:05 PM · On: A Skidding Van & A Savior

"This settled our conversation, as Alice refused for Jasper to fight Bella"

Okay, I have to ask...fight Bella?  Jasper's a vampire, Bella's human.  Where exactly is the fight?  Wouldn't it be pretty much dinner time for Jazz?  Maybe Bella gets off a witty verbal put down before Jasper sinks his teeth into throat but I wouldn't call that a 'fight'.

I'm just saying....



Author's Response:

Alice refuses for Jasper to fight Bella because she wants Bella to live. Obviously she doens't think Bella could hurt Jasper, it's completely the other way around.

"This settled our conversation, as Alice refused for Jasper to fight Bella—she was looking forward to being her good friend."

Exactly. It's not because Bella killing Jasper would veto a relationship with Alice -- it's because Jasper killing Bella would veto a relationship between Bella and Alice.

Reviewer: sweetcrimefighter (Signed) · Date: April 08, 2009 03:39 PM · On: A Skidding Van & A Savior

Aw, I love love love this story! I can't wait to see how it developes further! It's so amazing! Waw, even I am scared of Laurent and James coming back for Bella as I read the story from her POV. I'm even scared when she's with the Cullen, rediculous, right ? I hope you UD really soon, I couldn't bare waiting very long! Anyway, awsome job!



Author's Response:

Ha - I know! That's how I feel! " I'm even scared when she's with the Cullens". I have a lot of people asking for more ExB and for her to tell him everything all ready, but from Bella's frame of mind, talking to Edward is the last thing on her mind to do. Yeah, things would be all beautiful and peachy keen if Edward knew, but Bella doesn't know that. She's scared to death of him and his family.

&& I'll be updating asap! I just finished TDG chap 4 today (then sent it to my coauthor for her to look over my additions) so this long weekend I should be able to get it done. (:

I'm glad you like it! I love this review. I have never had anyone told me they're scared of the Cullens, they're always the opposite "oh, bring the wonderful cullens in to sweep bella off her feet" is basically what people say, but really -- from BPOV -- they're not that wonderful. ^.^

Reviewer: Nashi (Signed) · Date: April 08, 2009 02:14 PM · On: A Skidding Van & A Savior

Wow, I love the suble change you bring to the dialog just by chaging the reasoning behind it. When it comes to the moment of truth, Edward is going to be blow away.

Reviewer: JohannaL (Signed) · Date: April 08, 2009 11:21 AM · On: A Skidding Van & A Savior

I just read your story and I really like it. It is different and you have written so well about her feelings and terror towards them.

Please keep writing :)

Reviewer: karentwilighted (Signed) · Date: April 08, 2009 10:24 AM · On: Meeting the Cullens

Jasper seeing her in the cafeteria should have felt pure terror rolling off her - enough to mention to his family I would think. They seems a little too oblivious of her.



Author's Response:

yes - if it wasn't for the fact Jasper can't feel her emotions. you see, as ive mentioned, alice's visions of bella are hazy to nonexistent, due to her mindshield. jasper feels emotions, which aren't something a normal person can feel of someone else because they're emotional, not physical. therefore, jasper cant use his gift on bella, and alice can only barely. i dont remeber if ive explained about jasper yet in the story, but thats what's going on with his gift.

Reviewer: Anazarel (Signed) · Date: April 08, 2009 09:58 AM · On: A Skidding Van & A Savior

This fic is very interesting. I've asked myself the same question, too (What if Bella knows the Cullens are vampires?) so I'm glad you're writing this fic.

Will she fall in love with Gregory? She won't, right? She'll fall in love with Edward. Well, I hope so.

I'll stay tuned! Update soon, please!



Author's Response:

Yeah - i asked myself that question, and with the help of some other ideas this story emerged.

And no; she will not fall in love with Greg. He's just, well, Greg. :) And I shall update soon!

Reviewer: snowwolf (Signed) · Date: April 08, 2009 09:48 AM · On: A Skidding Van & A Savior

I love this story and the way youve wrote it!

Reviewer: snowwolf (Signed) · Date: April 08, 2009 08:43 AM · On: The New Kid

the first chapter was awesome awesome awesome!

Reviewer: kng1986 (Signed) · Date: April 08, 2009 07:47 AM · On: A Skidding Van & A Savior

Even though it was like SM's, the fact that Bella knows what they are and is terrified of them changes everything of course.  Poor Bella is so scared and confused. I hope she has fun with Greg and the band.  I can't wait for Alice to further baffle her with all her enthusiasm. 

Reviewer: snowgood (Signed) · Date: April 08, 2009 07:39 AM · On: A Skidding Van & A Savior

Well, same but different.  I can't wait until the big reveal!

Reviewer: Sweetheartwithfangs (Signed) · Date: April 08, 2009 05:09 AM · On: A Skidding Van & A Savior

I <3 your story! Please update soon!

Reviewer: LordXeenTheGreat (Signed) · Date: April 08, 2009 04:21 AM · On: A Skidding Van & A Savior

NIce

Reviewer: RedRedRed (Signed) · Date: April 07, 2009 11:48 PM · On: A Skidding Van & A Savior

hey cool chpater loed the ending could i be falling for a human =]

Reviewer: Rahveryn (Signed) · Date: April 07, 2009 09:43 PM · On: A Skidding Van & A Savior

Yeah, I admit, that was entirely too much like the cannon; I was curious waht you were trying to do here.  However, I'm liking Bella's PoV's. I was thrilled that you finally moved off with that final line about "if you had a heart".

Looking forward to the next chapter :)

Reviewer: Aille (Signed) · Date: April 07, 2009 09:37 PM · On: A Skidding Van & A Savior

I'm still really enjoying this.  I actually like Bella's thoughts on how she's trying to 'say' that she knows what they are, without saying it or giving away that she really does know.

I'm already looking forward to the next chapter. :) I can't wait to see where you go with this.  His saving her is going to mess with his brain.

Reviewer: Bella_Cullen884 (Signed) · Date: April 07, 2009 08:03 PM · On: A Skidding Van & A Savior

Interesting chapter. Poor Bella. Tormented by her past.

Please update soon?

Reviewer: snowgood (Signed) · Date: April 07, 2009 05:24 PM · On: Biology Rendezvous

Well, after reading your other fic and you mentioning this one in your reply, I just HAD to check it out!  I actually think it's very cool!  You are using actual dialogue from Twilight and Midnight Sun, mixing in your own plot and adding in your own scenes-Twisted!

Reviewer: Beanie-Loser (Signed) · Date: April 07, 2009 11:06 AM · On: Biology Rendezvous

This is such a great story! I love it! Please update it soon! And your banner is fantastic!  =)

Reviewer: CullenDreamer (Signed) · Date: April 02, 2009 04:13 PM · On: Biology Rendezvous

I was enjoying the first two, and the premise of the story, but this chapter had waaay too much dialogue directly from the Twilight novel.  I can empathize with you that you wanted to utilize the elements of that scene, but was it really necessary to use it word for word?  When fanfic authors do that, you'll have to pardon me, but it feels like cheating.  I really admired the originality you came up with in the first two chapters and I was a bit disappointed with the first part of this one, at least the part taken directly from the novel - dialogue-wise.  Please, trust yourself and create your own scenes and don't rely on S.M. so much.  If the rest of the story is just going to be Twilight with a slight twist then why bother?  It's been done before so many times.  Branch out!  You can do it!



Author's Response:

Yeah - when I get the chance I need to rewrite this. When I originally began I had decided to do it with similar dialogue, then changed my mind. It really does change a lot after, though I'm afraid the next chapter is quite similar to SM's. When I get a chance, though, I really should rewrite this. It annoys me, too, that it has so much SM dialogue. I barely use any of her dialogue later, though. (I've written the first 7 chapters thus far and have begun posting them). So, before I post more I'll try to find time to edit this.

Thanks for telling me, though. Not many people mention it, but the ones who do I'm like "yeah, you're definetly right." So... yeah. I shall make myself find the time to do this! (:

Truthfully, I don't know why I kept it so close to SMs. Stories that do that are really a lot more boring to read. I vow to change this, though (:

Reviewer: SaraCGeorgeBob (Signed) · Date: April 02, 2009 10:03 AM · On: Biology Rendezvous

I like the banner! And this chapter. I remember being in an industrial freezer *shudder* It always freaked me out that the door could get stuck.

Reviewer: Aille (Signed) · Date: April 01, 2009 07:12 PM · On: Biology Rendezvous

Oh I loved their little chat in Bio & how they both had the same but different things on their mind.  Edward is in for such a surprise when he finds out she knows what he is, and her question about the eyes had NOTHING to do with the whole black to gold, but the where the heck is the red?

So she's going to be helping out with the band at the dance is she?  That will be interesting to see. :)

So Tyler is aiming at her with the van again is he?  Well... I wonder what her reaction will be to being saved by a vampire instead of tormented by one...

Reviewer: piratehannelore (Signed) · Date: April 01, 2009 05:44 PM · On: Biology Rendezvous

Ok, seriously this is one of the more original stories I've read as of late. Can't wiat for the next update and I love the banner. :D

You must login (register) to review.




Share/Save/Bookmark


© 2008, 2009 Twilighted Enterprises, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Unauthorized duplication is a violation of applicable laws.
Privacy Policy | Terms of Service

All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the intellectual property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.