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Reviewer: jimmyd (Signed) · Date: October 05, 2013 03:43 AM · On: All Fall Down: Part Two
I just came up on this story and read it through in one shot! I loved how you chose to make the characters' journey difficult instead of easy, it makes the ultimate victory much more satisfying. Katrina is a good character. She can sympathise with Jake and can be a great source of comfort or love(if you choose to go in that direction).
EDward is right; Bella needs to make a real choice. A relationship can only go so far if your heart is not completly in it. The what-ifs can be a real strain. Also playing around with people who love you equally always causes more damage then good. I hope Bella treads carefully on her way to her decisin. Please post again if possible, the story is intigueing!
Reviewer: carlysweety (Signed) · Date: May 10, 2009 12:56 AM · On: All Fall Down: Part Two
Hey, berryblue100. I just got finished reading your story so far. I just wanted to say it's fantastic! You did an amazing job on it. Although, it seems you haven't updated in a while. Have you been busy? I hope you update soon. I really miss this story! I want it to be continued. This is a very unique idea for a fanfiction story. I've never heard of a vampire seductress. xD It's a wonderful story so far.
Although, I just have one pointer I wanted to share with you. It seems throughout your story, you have been switching perspectives a lot. It's a great idea to get in everyone's head - to see what they are thinking about the current situation. One thing I noticed was that the tone of the thought of each person were the same. If you could change the tone or mood of each person, it will actually feel like you're inside the head of each person.
I only noticed this when you tried to get in Jacob's head. To me and Stephanie, Jacob is a fun, carefree guy most of the time. The way he's thinking now seems totally out of character for him. He seems all serious. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's just I thought Jacob would care for this situation in a more angry, childish way. Maybe the serious Jacob is what you want; I don't know. It's a great story all the same.
Okay, enough of my blabbering. This is a very original story and I hope you finish it soon! Good luck and happy writing!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I see what you mean about the Jacob situation. I guess I just figured that Jake is so upset with the current situation that he is acting somewhat out of character. He will get more fun loving as the story progresses. I appreciate the imput.
I'm glad you enjoy the story so much. Yes, its been quite some time since I've updated. I've been planning on updating for quite sometime now, but I have just been so busy between university life, work, and writing my own original work (I'm working on my second novel)- not to mention I just got engaged! I just got out of school for the summer and will have much more free time until the fall. I'll try to update more frequently =)
Reviewer: Tayanna-Ushlee (Signed) · Date: April 13, 2009 06:31 AM · On: A Beautiful Mermaid?
I'm sorry (this isn't a review). I already reviewed but I need to ask a question that's tugging at my mind. What is a round robin and what do you do with it? I saw the little bird and knew this is a round robin story. Just need to know :) Thanks.
Author's Response: Round robin just means that the rating isn't exact. The story is rated NC-17, but it's round robin because its not quite as graphic and sex filled as other NC-17 stories that aren't round robin. It's kind of in between R and NC-17. Hope that answers your question =)
Reviewer: Tayanna-Ushlee (Signed) · Date: April 11, 2009 11:29 AM · On: All Fall Down: Part Two
I haven't been reviewing but I have been reading since I want to know what will be happening to Katriona. I actually don't like Bella at this point because she's always messing things up. I mean, leave Jacob alone. No need for Bella and Edward's point of view. I want to know about the wolves.Not about them. I like Katriona's and Jacob's point of view.
Keep up the story. As you may have noticed, I am not a great fan of Bella. I enjoy your tale so please update soon. xoxo-Tayanna-Ushlee
Author's Response: Glad you like it. Yeah, I seem to be getting a lot of requests for less of Bella and Edwards POV. As of right now, its necessary for the plot line. There will be less of them as the story progresses and we get further into Jake and Kat. No worries, I'm not a fan of Bella either haha. That probably comes across in my fanfiction since I make her so ridiculous lol. I will try and update soon. Glad to hear people are still reading it. =)
Reviewer: TwitchySquirrel (Signed) · Date: April 04, 2009 07:58 AM · On: All Fall Down: Part Two
I wish Bella's and Edward's Point of View weren't featured so much. I'd rather just go along by what Jacob and Kationa's POVs are. Other than that, it's all good.
Author's Response: Yes, I seem to have a lot of requests for that lately. Bella and Edward's POV are necessary though, at least for the next little while until we get further into Jake and Kat's story. But, I'm glad you like it. I'll try and update as soon as possible =)
Reviewer: TwitchySquirrel (Signed) · Date: April 04, 2009 03:52 AM · On: A Beautiful Mermaid?
Well, the suspense is on now.
Reviewer: AppLeOfMyyEyee93 (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2009 08:13 AM · On: A Part of My Heart
AAAARRRRGGGHHHH~!!!!!!!!
Reviewer: EclipsedbyJacob (Signed) · Date: January 01, 2009 04:52 AM · On: All Fall Down: Part Two
Oh! Poor Jake! Please update soon! I love this story!
Author's Response: Thanks! I will try to update soon. I'm starting chapter nine today.
Reviewer: Floridaman222 (Signed) · Date: December 28, 2008 08:05 AM · On: All Fall Down: Part Two
Great chapter beautiful! Update soon
Author's Response: Thanks David!
Reviewer: Lisa3 (Signed) · Date: December 27, 2008 04:09 AM · On: All Fall Down: Part Two
Squeee!!! Great job! Poor Jake. He totally is the back up man for Bella. You hit the nail right on the head with that one. I was a little nervous for a sec when I thought Edward was going to actually cross over into La Push. Cam you imagine all four of them on the beach together? That would have been interesting!
Author's Response: Oh gosh! That would have been a fiasco haha. Yeah, I have always felt bad for Jake because Bella treats him that way. I did that with my boyfriend when I was younger. I was always chasing after the bad boys and leaving him on the sidelines. I finally wisened up four years ago though haha.
Reviewer: BlueBella (Signed) · Date: December 27, 2008 02:00 AM · On: A Beautiful Mermaid?
More please, this is intriguing.
Author's Response: Thanks!
Reviewer: Lisa3 (Signed) · Date: October 13, 2008 07:01 AM · On: All Fall Down: Part One
Holy smokes he's going to the rez! Be careful Edward! Poor Edward! Shoot, poor Jake and Bella too. As usual, very well written. I can't wait to see what happens next!
Author's Response: Thanks! Btw, I have an idea for an AU-Human that I'd like to bounce off you if you don't mind :-D
Reviewer: EclipsedbyJacob (Signed) · Date: October 11, 2008 08:23 PM · On: All Fall Down: Part One
Oh, too short! Can't wait to read the next installment!
Author's Response: Haha, I'm sorry. Yeah, that was a rather short chapter, but I will post the next one as soon as I can. If I manage to get all my homework done I will possibly write the next part tonight. Glad you're enjoying it!
Reviewer: happymoon35 (Signed) · Date: October 09, 2008 03:16 PM · On: All Fall Down: Part One
As an Edward fan, and as a reader who never liked Jacob, this story is painful to read! ;-) But you're a good writer, so I'm interested to see where this goes. Can't wait for another update!
Author's Response: Awww!!! No Jacob love at all? Are you cool with Jake as long as Bella is happily with Edward, and Jake's the best friend? Or do you just hate him altogther? lol Don't worry, everyone assumes that since I write about Jacob that I hate Edward, but I actually don't. I really don't prefer one over the other. I just write about Jake one: because there are so few fanfiction authors that write stories with him as the main focus and two: because I just find it easy to write from his POV for some reason. Thank you very much! Thats a very nice compliment- especially if you're not a big Jacob fan :-D
Reviewer: Cavriola (Signed) · Date: October 02, 2008 08:51 AM · On: Decisions
Katriona using vamp charm on human men is very amusing. Nice cliffies! Really, I like them. Rosalie is very real, I think. Emmett is good. I don't exactly see how Katriona could seduce Edward into changing Bella. How does the plan go? Also, why does she change tack in such a short time? As fore Edward, I just don't believe him and his decision. I thought we were clear after 'New Moon' that he wouldn't go be an imbecile again? I liked Jake's morning, it was written very nicely. Also, Edward just turned into something of a Peter Pan: "And would I ever truly stop hoping that someday he would again show up at my windowsill; as beautiful as ever and eternally seventeen, ready to whisk me away into a world filled with unfathomable fantasies?" (That means a good thing for me.)
Author's Response: I'm glad you like it. About the questions you had, Katriona would be able to seduce Edward simply because she is a succubus. Its the nature of the of creature she is. Thats not to say that Edward wouldn't have been able to resist her, he might have. The Volturi was simply counting on Katriona's power of persuasion with men. Succubus can almost put men under a spell, like some sort of witch, where they'll do as they say basically. As for Katriona, she had such a quick change of heart, because she never felt any sort of loyalty to the Volturi. As she says, they never treated her very well and more of her story and why she would turn on them so quickly comes out later. Also, the reason she takes such a liking to Jacob is that she understands his heartache. She has been through a similar experience, which will be elaborated on later. I see what you mean about Edward after New Moon, and I've had a lot of response like this. In the next chapter, I am going to try and make it more clear for everyone. Edward is not leaving Bella. He's simply telling her that they need to postpone the wedding and any major decisions about changing her until she is absolutely certain. I think its a very Edward-like move, one: because Edward has always wanted Bella to remain human and two: because we all know how self-sacrificing Edward is and he would rather have Bella be certain of who she wanted and happy then rush her into a marriage that she might regret later.
Reviewer: Floridaman222 (Signed) · Date: October 01, 2008 02:24 PM · On: Decisions
Wait! I just noticed....why is this story not rated at a five star?! It should be.
Reviewer: Floridaman222 (Signed) · Date: October 01, 2008 02:20 PM · On: A Part of My Heart
I never commented on this one. My jaw dropped! I can't believe Edward would leave her again, but I have a feeling that since you brought Katriona into the picture that she will come into play in this whole love triangle as well. Should be interesting.
Reviewer: Floridaman222 (Signed) · Date: October 01, 2008 02:17 PM · On: Decisions
Wow!!! Steamy! Nice dream there. Can't wait until the next chapter.
Reviewer: EclipsedbyJacob (Signed) · Date: October 01, 2008 11:01 AM · On: A Part of My Heart
WHAT?!?! He's leaving her again? No, Edward, don't do it! I have the feeling this could backfire in his face and that tears me in two. On one hand, I love Jacob and it would be nice to see him get the girl for once. On the other hand, Bella and Edward were made for each other. The whole thing seems very blasphemous. Is it wrong that I love it?
Reviewer: EclipsedbyJacob (Signed) · Date: October 01, 2008 10:02 AM · On: Sex Symbols
OME! Great chapter! I can't wait to see what's next! So far your plot had me captured. (It's easier to do when Jacob is involved.)
Reviewer: Lisa3 (Signed) · Date: September 19, 2008 04:16 PM · On: Decisions
Woohoo! Nice dream Jake had there. Hot, hot, hot! Let's round up a posse and smack some sense into Edward! Great job!!
Author's Response: Haha! Thanks! Jacob is very imaginative lmao! Yes, Edward is being his usual over-dramatic self. Hopefully he will get ahold of it soon. But Edward shouldn't take all the blame. I blame Bella for being an idiot and playing games with both Edward and Jacob haha. She needs to make up her mind.
Reviewer: TeamEdward1234 (Signed) · Date: September 13, 2008 04:35 PM · On: A Part of My Heart
gasp ! When I finished this chapter my mouth was literally hanging wide open, and it stayed that way for about a minute before I regained composure. wow. That. was. Intense. I cant believe Edward would leave! Please please please please please update soon. That was a HUGE cliffhanger and I will be very dissapointed if the next chapter has nothing to do with Edward or Bella. SO PLEASE ! Dont let me down ):
Author's Response: Lol! Don't worry that next chapter does have to do with Edward and Bella so no worries. Chapter six is finished and will be posted when I get it back from my beta. Glad you enjoyed it!
Reviewer: twilightspell (Signed) · Date: September 07, 2008 08:35 AM · On: A Beautiful Mermaid?
nooooooooo!!!! you cant have edward leave! that will absolutely KILL bella! AH! i cant wait to read more! update soon please!
Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad you're enjoying it. I will update as soon as possible. I have a Modern Western Civ exam coming up and plus we're celebrating my birthday today, so I haven't been able to finish the chapter. It will be soon though. Thanks for the review!
Reviewer: eringobraugh (Signed) · Date: September 02, 2008 06:46 PM · On: A Part of My Heart
I hope you do update soon... ;-) keep sharing this!
Author's Response: I will update as soon as possible. I promise!
Reviewer: eringobraugh (Signed) · Date: September 01, 2008 03:06 PM · On: A Part of My Heart
I wouldn't mind reading about what's going to happen next...hint hint! ;-)
Author's Response: Lol! I will try to update soon. It took me a long time to update chapter five because I had so much going on. Things have settled down though, so I will post chapter six sometime this week. Glad you're enjoying it!
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