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Penname: ahlesstennes [Contact]
Real name: Connie
Status: Member
Member Since: August 25, 2009

[Report This]
Reviews by ahlesstennes
Summary: Feature



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Edward can’t believe it when Bella, sitting in his car with him, suddenly starts to bleed. He is horrified until he realizes it’s only her “time of month” and there is nothing to worry about. Unfortunately for him, this does nothing to dissuade his heroin-like craving, especially when there are veritable goldmines of Bella’s sweet blood, just sitting there in her trash! Can Edward really go through with his plot? Won’t Bella notice her missing garbage? How will the Cullens escape detection now?

Find out in: The Maddeningly Marvellous, Magically Mysterious, Majestically Malodorous Maxi-Pad Misadventures of Edward Cullen and the Crimson Tide!

Thanks to SubtlePen for the idea and permission to use it. Everyone should go read her stories right now! (after this one)

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Thanks to Mama_Marinara and EmmettIsMyTeddyBear for the great banners!

Categories: Twilight, Crackfic Characters: Alice, Angela, Bella, Carlisle, Charlie, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jacob, Jasper, Jessica, Rosalie
Series: None
Chapters: 8 Completed: Yes Word count: 13134
[Report This] Published: June 21, 2009 Updated: September 05, 2010

Reviewer: ahlesstennes Signed
Date: July 26, 2010 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2: Fresh Air, Ravioli, and Illegal Substance Abuse

snicker,snicker! I laughed so hard at the image of Edward sniffing the seat.

Reviewer: ahlesstennes Signed
Date: July 26, 2010 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3: Edward's First Time

Oddly enough, I always wondered why Edward DIDN'T have problems when Bella or any female had her period. But I suppose Ms. Meyer wouldn't address THAT as it would be too sensitive a subject. I am really enjoying this story as it is very much my type of humor. Thanks for the grins and giggles!


Life in a maternity unit is full of ups and downs!  

Bella Swan, an experienced midwife at Forks Hospital meets the new obstetrician, Edward Cullen and the attraction is instant.

As their hands touched, she gasped softly as she felt the shock of electricity that seemed to pass through their skin.  Dropping his hand abruptly, her brown eyes wide in surprise, Bella stepped back.  Without volition, Bella felt her face flame with another cursed blush.  Damn, she was 26 years old.  When was she going to stop blushing like a schoolgirl? 

Banner by Twimom817 @ TA

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Bella, Edward
Series: SMUT - Best of the Best - Edward and Bella
Chapters: 37 Completed: Yes Word count: 226754
[Report This] Published: July 13, 2009 Updated: September 12, 2010

Reviewer: ahlesstennes Signed
Date: January 08, 2010 Title: Chapter 15: Chapter 15

Any one of them would be just fine, but Edward? YES!!!

Facebook Friends by GreenPuma Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 1208]

Bella is shocked when her sexy but standoffish lab partner, Edward, friends her on Facebook.  Will her best friend, Alice, convince her to accept Edward’s friend request?  Or, will she write it off as a prank of the conceited, spoiled rich kid she knows Edward to be?

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Bella, Edward
Series: None
Chapters: 18 Completed: Yes Word count: 71379
[Report This] Published: August 26, 2009 Updated: April 24, 2011

Reviewer: ahlesstennes Signed
Date: October 14, 2009 Title: Chapter 7: Counting on You

I know, I'm an old lady, but I saw Il Divo this summer and they were phenominal!  I do have great memories of some of the songs you mention though.

Love the story line!


Bella has grown from an orphaned sixteen year old raised by her older brother Emmett and his friends affectionately known as ‘her boys’, to an up and coming first year medical intern. When a day in the ER turns dangerous can her boys, now members of the best SWAT team in Chicago save her? Eventual Canon pairings. Rated 'NC-17' for strong language, lemons.


Newest fanmade banner that I thought was cool and had to add by Twilighted's ebonyy:



Outtakes Now posting on Twilighted.  This banner by yours truly :)

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Bella, Edward, Emmett
Series: None
Chapters: 71 Completed: Yes Word count: 482203
[Report This] Published: September 17, 2009 Updated: March 22, 2010

Reviewer: ahlesstennes Signed
Date: April 16, 2010 Title: Chapter 14: The Inner Sanctum

Love this story! It's great to see a character like Edward turn his life around and start a committed relationship.  Also loved this chapter when they talk about going to Camp Ripley since I live about 90 miles from there- have  watched the boys arrive from all over every summer of my life and head to Ripley. Have done some camping near there also.

What did you mean when you talked about the problems going on in fanfic? I have read other author's comments and they have alluded to issues also.




Bella wants Edward...the only problem is, he's a counselor at her summer camp. And although Bella has always been one of Edward's favorite campers, that's all she'll ever be to him...right? When Bella returns as a counselor, can she change his mind?

Rated NC-17 for a whole slew of badly behaved, promiscuous, and foul-mouthed characters.  Not your typical love story.  Don't say I didn't warn you.

Thanks to EvilAngel67 and CassieWH for their fab banners :)  ILY guys

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Alice, Bella, Edward, Emmett, Jacob, Jasper, Rosalie, Seth
Series: Always Human
Chapters: 30 Completed: Yes Word count: 223215
[Report This] Published: September 24, 2009 Updated: November 10, 2010

Reviewer: ahlesstennes Signed
Date: January 06, 2010 Title: Chapter 11: Chapter 11 New Faces

Love the "Cedric Diggory" references! Thought they were hillarious....

Author's Response:

haha thanks - i may or may not have been watching goblet of fire as i was writing.....

Bubblegum Pop by AzureEyedI Rated: PG-13 starstar [Reviews - 37]

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Categories: Post-Breaking Dawn Characters: Bella, Edward, Renesmee
Series: None
Chapters: 6 Completed: No Word count: 19107
[Report This] Published: September 24, 2009 Updated: June 12, 2010

Reviewer: ahlesstennes Signed
Date: September 29, 2009 Title: Chapter 1: Bubblegum Pop

Please continue.... this is an interesting concept! Love the fact that Nessie is a daddy's girl.  Also need to find out where the Edward/Tanya thread goes!

Author's Response:

Hi, and thanks for taking the time to read/review Bubblegum Pop!

I will be expanding this into a series after the completion of the Les Femmes Noires competition on in December - this is my entry.

Didn't care much for SM's writing style (too wordy and lord she needed a better editor); thought that being half vamp/half human would be interesting once the Spawn With The Goofy Name became a teenager - which way do you go? Vamp or Human?

And hoo boy, is she a Daddy's girl. Oh yes, indeedy do, she is!


Here We Go Again by xrxdanixrx Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 629]




All through high school, Bella was in love with her best friend who was in love with her, too.  Both never expressing their feelings and never knowing how the other felt.  In the end, Edward decided to go across the other side of the country leaving Bella with only one memory of him: his journal. Heart-broken and confused by it’s content, she casted it aside. Years later, Edward moves back home, but Bella wants to move on with her life.  Can they really stay away from each other, or will history repeat itself?

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Alice, Bella, Edward, Emmett, Jacob, Jasper, Rosalie
Series: None
Chapters: 23 Completed: No Word count: 118790
[Report This] Published: January 15, 2010 Updated: October 23, 2010

Reviewer: ahlesstennes Signed
Date: February 11, 2010 Title: Chapter 5: Don't Be A Bass

Gotta be Jasper's naked self portrait?



Special thanks to pkitten21 for the awesome banner!!

Pediatric ICU night nurse Bella Swan blogs about her work experiences via "The Nightingale Journals." When Dr. Edward Cullen is named the PICU's newest Fellow, their immediate attraction to one another is undeniable. They are both trying very hard to maintain their professionalism, appreciating one another as colleagues. Despite this predicament, Edward is determined to get to know Bella; when he learns that she is writing a blog, he makes it his mission to read every entry to find out just what it is that makes nurse Swan tick. Epic banter and UST result. Will they ever be able to admit their magnetic draw to each other?

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jasper, Rosalie
Series: None
Chapters: 41 Completed: Yes Word count: 212767
[Report This] Published: February 09, 2010 Updated: February 19, 2012

Reviewer: ahlesstennes Signed
Date: July 08, 2010 Title: Chapter 4: Ten Reasons to Love a Nurse

Am so loving this story! I brings back reminders of my own days (more than 35 years ago) in a peds unit of a major university hospital. Loved huffing those babies. I also spent a few years in Zcoil shoes! Not then, of course, but at my last job as a supervisor in long term care. 

Author's Response:

You have no idea how happy it makes me when people who are in the medical field enjoy my stories! It's a tough audience to write for, and it thrills me to no end when they're satisfied.

Dude, bb huffing is like the eighth wonder of the natural world. No other smell like it. It brings instant calm.

Thanks for reading and for your kind words! They made my day.

Reviewer: ahlesstennes Signed
Date: September 06, 2010 Title: Chapter 16: Goodnight, Sweet Prince

I am grateful that you returned to this story. I am reminded of my days, many years ago, as a peds nurse at the Univerisity of Minnesota Hospitals. I, however, did cry when we lost one of our precious children and again at their funerals. We all made a point to get as many of the staff to the funerals as possible. I can't imagine losing  child!

This is one of the better Bella/Edward stories so I hope you finish it.

Author's Response:

Oh my dear, I will absolutely finish this story--it just takes longer for things to post on Twilighted than it does on, because of the validation beta process over here. I have the entire story outlined, and I promise it will end. Happily.

Some of my colleagues go to the funerals, but to be honest, I do not. It's just too much to handle, on top of dealing with the death. Again, we all have our protective mechanisms, and the funerals make everything real and crashes in on you. I do everything for my patients from a foundation of love, but I say goodbye to them in my own way, on my own terms. I hope that makes sense.

Thank you for reading, for being so loyal, and caring whether or not I finish the story. I assure you, it will be a very happy ending for these two.


When Bella met handsome stranger Edward she had no idea just who she was dealing with, and how he would effect her life.

All Human/Alternative Universe


banner by the amazing Sunshinelollypops

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Edward, Esme
Series: None
Chapters: 34 Completed: Yes Word count: 80307
[Report This] Published: February 17, 2010 Updated: October 10, 2010

Reviewer: ahlesstennes Signed
Date: July 08, 2010 Title: Chapter 23: Chapter 23

Love it, can't wait for the next chapter! Hurry!

Behind the Lens by jakeward Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 1113]


"Once upon a time, there was a girl that wanted to get swept off her feet. Little did I know my co-star would be the one to do it. Not only did he sweep me off my feet, he managed to completely carry me away."

Where one story ends, another begins. Under a watchful eye, they live . . . Behind the Lens.

Sequel to Behind the Reel.

A fictional tale of Rob & Kristen.


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Categories: Other Characters: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson
Series: The Robsten Files
Chapters: 37 Completed: Yes Word count: 199827
[Report This] Published: April 12, 2010 Updated: May 31, 2012

Reviewer: ahlesstennes Signed
Date: March 09, 2012 Title: Chapter 34: Chapter 34

Love this story. It's so intimate, I feel like I'm spying on them! Can't wait for the third in this series. Maybe "Behind the Scenes?"

Broken by jarielynn Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 444]


Three people, two brothers and one girl. The Cullen brothers both love the same girl, Bella Swan. Emmett is her high school sweetheart, He has loved her since he was sixteen years old. Edward is the man who helps her with her college pre-law classes. Edward finds himself falling for his brother's girl. Guilt, shame, and desire build within him. Sometime's when he looks at her he swears he sees it in her too. 

Rec'd by:!/twilightfanfic


Categories: AU-Human Characters: Bella, Edward, Emmett
Series: None
Chapters: 33 Completed: No Word count: 83035
[Report This] Published: May 29, 2010 Updated: March 19, 2012

Reviewer: ahlesstennes Signed
Date: July 10, 2010 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 1 - Young Love

Nice change of couples!  Different feel to the characters. Always enjoy the young versions of these characters.


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All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the intellectual property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.