And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
My family was close. Even as my brother and I went from kids to teenagers to adults we stayed close.
Shawn was the golden child. I was black sheep. Shawn loved school, I couldn't stand it. Shawn made straight A's, I passed with a C- minus if I was lucky. Shawn was into sports, they weren't worth my time.
But we were close, too. Despite our differences, we were still brothers, we were still twins. Nothing could pull us apart.
Senior year. Everything was going great. Shawn was going off to collage in a few weeks and I was about to take over the family business. As a family we spent our last week together. Even when Mom started to pull out our baby pictures and cry we stuck around.
Until the last night. We went back to old traditions and rented a movie for Friday Fright Night and gathered around the living room eating popcorn and drinking cokes. We were supposed to go out and eat together afterworlds, but I blew them off to go to a party with my friends. It was the first time I'd ever done that.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you just know that something went horribly wrong? You don't know what or when or how even, but you know that it did? All night I couldn't shake that feeling. It stuck to me.
It didn't matter what I was doing or how distracted I was that feeling kept coming back. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I had to make sure everything was ok. I figured I was just being silly and everything would be fine as soon as I could call home.
No one answered.
I tried both Mom and Dad's cell phones, even Shawn's though I knew he probably didn't have it with him. Still no answer.
By now I was nervous. And that feeling was stronger than ever. I told my friends I had to go out and I'd be back later. No one stopped me, no one asked what was going on, no one asked to come along.
Our house is a little out of town so there's not five or six ways to get to it. There's one. And when that road was blocked off I was absolutely sure that something was wrong.
I drove my car off the road, parked it, and climbed out. Red and blue lights were flashing, people were out standing on the side of the road, and every person would stop talking and give me the saddest look as I approached.
By the time I finally got to the wreckage, I didn't have to ask what had happed. One car I didn't recognize, the other was Shawn's brand new Mustang. There were three covered stretchers lined up and a very drunk and bloody guy sitting on the street corner. I didn't have to ask if my family was ok. I already knew that they weren't.
And then that feeling went away.