My mind wandered back to Edward. He’s never far from my thoughts, he’s always there. That’s the thing, when you find the person you just…click with, on every possible level, you can’t get away from them, they engulf your every thought. They become a part of you, embedding themselves in your mind.
I have been friends with Edward for as long as I can remember, I struggle to find a time when he hadn’t played some small part in my life.
Over the years, I found that I couldn’t delude myself where my feelings for Edward were concerned. I’d been in love with him for a long, long time. During our childhood, he felt like the older brother I never had, although, because of my age, I was oblivious to that attraction until puberty hit. That was when the feelings, yearnings and needs all but exploded within me. The pull I felt towards him was like the opposite ends of two magnets, only, whilst his end was pulling me towards him, my side appeared to be malfunctioning.
It was an incredibly difficult position to find myself in. I couldn’t help but wonder how things might have panned out, had I simply told him how I felt. When your love for someone is unrequited, its hard, extremely so, to be around them, but you need to, it hurts not to. He never gave me the slightest signal of his feelings towards me, his body language gave nothing away.
Looking back on my childhood and early adolescence, I remembered the happy times, the happiest times of my life, I cherished those memories. I wouldn’t swap them for anything. Well…apart from the memories of unrequited love, they hurt like hell to think about. To be so close to someone and yet to have, nothing.
I was living an almost perfect life, a happy life, a life that I loved deeply.
Then, life decided to be a bitch and screw everything up. Big time.
Like I said, Edward and I were the best and closest of friends. We were inseparable, you didn’t get one without the other. We spent every spare moment together. Always up to no good. We shared wicked smiles and had secret code gestures. No one ever got it, you had to be part of the pair to fully understand it properly. Our friendship had a certain quality to it, a quality I found to be rare and special. Most people don’t understand each other, at all.
Our teachers hated us with a passion, a single pupil can be controlled and disciplined, but a team like Edward and I, one strong unit, we were their worst nightmare. They weren’t able to control such a team, not even if they had eyes on the back of their heads, had the ability to read minds and had the advantage of an extra brain.
Unfortunately, one day it bound to happen, we took things one step too far, we’d crossed that line one too many times. We were caught doing something terrible. To us, it was nothing but a bit of fun, but to them it was disruptive, disrespectful and disorderly. We’d become careless, stopped thinking of all the details, overlooked one tiny, minuscule point.
That minuscule point had the biggest impact on both of our lives.
The teachers took the chance they’d be waiting for, we’d fallen flat on our overly smug faces. It was a million to them, whilst our deal would indefinitely be nil.
It was their turn to be smug, they came for us during one lunch period, parading us through the tables in the canteen, making a blatant example of us. Once we were in the corridor, they quickly separated us. I’d already decided what I was going to do, there really was no question about it. Love does that to you, you don’t think about the consequences of your actions, you do what’s best for the object of your affections. I couldn’t and wouldn’t let Edward be brought down by this. He was too bright, with too much potential in his future. I wouldn’t let him throw it all out of the window for something as stupid as this.
The saying, "Love conquers all", finally made perfect sense, in a situation that was anything but perfect.
With me out of his life, he could move forward and start to fulfil some of that potential. Our bond broken, he was free to follow the straight and narrow path. He could study hard, get the grades he deserved and start building towards his very bright future, for me it would be the end of life as I knew it, but for him, it would be the start of a new one.
Returning home that night, my mum - having heard a blow by blow of events from the principle, - had finally found out how I spend my days at school, was waiting for me at the foot of the stairs. A cold, stern, un-motherly look upon her face. It was further confirmation that I had pushed the boundaries too far. Our relationship would never be quite the same again. The next thing I knew, I was being sent upstairs to pack. The next day I would be leaving for a "prestigious" boarding school in London, England.
I couldn’t do or say anything in defence of my actions. The tears were coming fast and hard. Welling up and pouring down my face. They were silent tears, tears I had brought upon myself. I had to start accepting responsibility for my actions. I was no longer a child. I had to start my initiation into the world of adulthood.
There wasn’t time for me to call or say goodbye to Edward. At 6.30 am the next morning, I was boarding a plane to England. What kind of friend was I? I‘d run away from things without even explaining it to him.
The night before I left, I remember looking at the school’s prospectus on their website…
"Sculpia's Academy of Excellence, more commonly known as “The Academy”, is one of the World’s leading boarding schools. With a reputation for academic excellence and an impressive record in music, drama and sport, Located just outside of London, it educates the children of the world’s most elite.
Ateara Hall, as the Boy’s boarding department is known, is situated on campus and fosters a warm and closely knit community.
Didyme House, is a gracious building, set at the south end of The Academy, which accommodates our female boarders.
All boarders begin life at Sculpia's in a dormitory, and when they reach Lower Sixth, they move to on-campus apartments that accommodate for three persons. The purpose of this is to prepare our students for the independence of University life.
All boarders have access to year common rooms, which include reading rooms, computer suites, games rooms and Libraries.
Scholarships are awarded based on the results of an examination taken on-campus."
It all sounded so elaborate. You could tell it was one of those schools you paid your way into. A place for stuck up, nose-in-the-air, over privileged brats to be shipped off to. I knew immediately, that I would most definitely be out of my comfort zone here.
Yet, surprisingly, my first two years at The Academy went exceptionally well. I met and made some of the greatest friends anyone could ask for. They didn’t necessarily fill the gap left by Edward, but they filled it as much as they could, for that, I owed them more than I say.
For the first time in my life, I was given responsibility, I was appointed captain of various teams and was selected, alongside the most academical students in my year group, to become a prefect, something my Mother was extremely proud of and couldn't help but gush about to all her clients, friends and family.
Being away from Edward seemed to be helping me take the first few steps on that straight and narrow road. My grades were beyond good, I was top of the class in several subjects and my parents, well, they were finally started to fully accept me back into their lives. One step at a time. My life was starting to look up again, for the better. My smile was brighter and I was able to laugh freely again. I’d got my confidence back. I was in a good place, a place I thought was just going to keep on getting better.
But then I started Upper Sixth…
