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Story Notes:

I sadly do not own these characters, Stephenie Meyer does, I just make them do funny things and go visit the wonderful Dr. Benjamin Dover!

This story is the property of vjgm. Copyright 2008. Any posting of this on other sites without my express written consent is prohibited.

Author's Chapter Notes:
A big thanks my McSchmotty sisters for wanting me to write something so ridiculous. Love you ladies! And to Leria who gave it a once over to make sure it made sense.

Special thanks to blondie AKA robin for betaing this and not being afraid to use her red pen this time!!

I hope it makes you smile.

Picking Charlie’s Brain

Charlie POV

She got bit, she got bit, she got bit… I kept chanting in my head, the thought playing in a constant loop in my brain. A man’s voice barely registered, until he cleared his throat and repeated himself.

“So, Chief Swan, how about you tell me why you’re here today.” The doctor bellowed from behind the giant mahogany desk in the center of his office, trying to get my attention. He shifted the papers on his desk and pushed the frames of his glasses a bit higher up the bridge of his nose in anticipation.

Mahogany, like Bella’s hair…

I took a deep breath and leaned back in my seat, “Well, doc, I have to tell you, I’ve had the craziest week of my life and no one believes me.” I glanced around the room up at his diplomas that hung in the walls, hoping someone would finally believe the outrageous tale I was about to share. If not, I was doomed to be the town kook ‘Crazy Charlie’ for all eternity.

Eternity… the word had real meaning.

My stomach clenched at the thought of Bella’s immortality. “My daughter is a vampire!” I blurted out without thinking, unable to contain the secret any longer.

The doctor froze his eyes wide in shock. “Your daughter is a vampire?”

I slowly nodded my head. “She got bit.”

“Bitten, by a vampire. So there’s a vampire in Forks?” His tone turned flat.

“Actually, 7… well 8 if you count…Bella.” Her name caught in my throat as I tried to suppress the sob that threatened to escape.

“Have you seen these so-called vampires?” Dr. Dover asked as he scrawled something down onto his notepad, his eyebrows arched high when he looked back at me.

“Of course I’ve seen them. Heck, one of them works right here at the hospital!” The anger in my voice made the doctor pause.

“So your daughter is a vampire, bitten by one of the vampires that currently live in Forks.” He rapidly tapped his pencil on his desk as he stared at me.

“Yeah, that’s about it, thanks for listening. So can I get my walking papers now? I’d really like to get released sometime today.”

“Wait, Charlie, I’d like to hear more.” The doctor motioned for me to stay. “And how do you feel about your daughter’s… conversion?” The doctor studied at me as he asked his ridiculous question, now clutching his pencil so tightly his knuckles were turning white.

“How do I feel about that?” I roared from my seat. “How do I feel?” I paused mid-rant to mull it over in my head. She was happy, she told me so herself. She chose that life, she chose to leave me and the rest of her human life behind, she chose Edward and her eternity with him, but how did I feel about my little girl being a vampire? The anger evaporated and I slumped back into the chair.

“I honestly have no idea…” I whispered.

“Why don’t you start at the beginning?” Dr. Dover said as he settled back into his seat and turned on the recorder that sat on top of his desk, to make sure he got every word of my outlandish story, probably wanting to publish in some psychiatry journal.

“My daughter moved to Forks two years ago, and fell in love with a vampire, Edward Cullen. He’s Dr. Cullen’s son, and apparently, a vampire.” Dr. Dover scribbled furiously on his paper when he heard the name Cullen. “Been one for almost 100 years from what I understand, but the boy doesn’t look a day over 18!” I could tell the words were rapidly falling out of my mouth, and the sense of hysteria in my voice wasn’t helping me make my case sound rational to the doctor.

“Do you like your son-in-law, the vampire?” Dr. Dover asked, his brow furrowing as he watched me tense up.

I took a deep breath and tried to slow my now ragged breathing. As I calmed myself down, the blood stopped racing through my veins and I could think more clearly.

Blood… my Bella drinks blood.

My temper got the better of me. “Well, I sure as hell wouldn’t have let him anywhere near my daughter if I knew he was a vampire, that’s for sure! What kind of father do you think I am?” I sat in my chair, my jaw clenched as I still struggled with the fact that my son-in-law was vampire, a blood drinking killer, and the one person on the planet I knew, without a doubt, would go to any length to protect my daughter.

I sighed.

“What’s wrong Charlie?”

“He loves her. He would give his life for her. He almost did….” I grew quiet remembering Edward throwing himself at the Volturi as they tried to take Bella away. Edward’s screams of pain still haunted me.

“So the vampire is a good guy?” I could tell by the way he asked the question he was humoring me.

“Yeah, the vampire is a good guy, I guess. I would have preferred she married someone with a pulse, but the only other guy she was remotely interested in ended up being a werewolf, so I guess it didn’t really matter. I was destined to have a freak for a son-in-law!” I ran my fingers roughly through my hair. Forks is supposed to be a quiet, normal town, not the travel destination for every Tom, Dick, and Frankenstein on the planet.

Bella should have stayed with her mother, I lamented sadly.

Dr. Dover looked at me over the top of his glasses, waiting for me to continue.

“I know this sounds outrageous, but seriously, my daughter moved here, she fell in love with a vampire. He left her to keep her safe and let her have a ‘human life’, which is when she started to have feelings for a family friend, Jacob Black.”

“The werewolf?” Dr. Dover said tentatively.

“Yeah, Jacob’s the werewolf. Long story short, she chose the vampire over the werewolf, and agreed to marry Edward even though she was opposed to the institution of marriage. So at 18, my baby decided to marry a vampire.”

“Was it a big wedding?” The doctor asked. My hands balled into fists.

“A big wedding? What kind of stupid question is that? What does that matter?” I asked, my temper starting to get out of control again. “I’m telling you my daughter’s a vampire, and you’re asking about the wedding?”

“Calm down, Charlie, I’m just trying to understand the entire situation.” His voice was quiet and soothing. “I was just wondering who was invited to this, vampire wedding?”

I could have sworn the corner of his mouth twitched when he asked that question. “We invited our family and friends and the Cullen’s did too, so it was a good sized wedding…” I glared at the doctor waiting to see what exactly he was getting at.

“And how many of the guests were vampires?”

“I don’t know! I didn’t walk around saying Hi, I’m Charlie the father of the bride. Are you a vampire or a human?” I said tersely through my clenched teeth. ”As a matter of fact, I didn’t even know he was a vampire at the wedding.”

“Was anyone bitten?” He covered his mouth waiting for my answer, and I knew he didn’t get it.

“Yeah, my daughter got bit, doc! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you…” I threw up my hands in frustration.

“He bit her at the wedding? In front of the guests?” the doctor asked in horror.

“No, God, what kind of man do you think Edward is? He didn’t savagely attack her on the dance floor, if that’s what you’re asking. No one got bit at the wedding. It was after the wedding that she was …changed.” If only I’d known, I could have stopped him.

No, Bella begged him to do it… My heart ached at how far she’d drifted from me. Renée was right, I wasn’t cut out to be a father.

“So he waited until everyone left, then he bit her?” Dr. Dover leaned forward in his seat, waiting for my answer. I took a deep breath and forced the next words out.

“Not exactly. They were…ugh... they were ‘consummating’ their marriage when it happened.” My face felt warm all of a sudden.

“Well Charlie, maybe the ‘bite’ mark you saw was just, shall we say, one given in the throes of passion, and not an actual vampire bite. Doesn’t that seem more plausible?”

I let out an exasperated sigh, “There was no ‘bite mark’. She has superhuman strength now, doc. I saw it after they took care of the Italians, when Edward brought her by to say goodbye. She damn near tore the door off of my police cruiser. Cost me $500 to get that thing put back on…”

“The Italians? The mob? Is your son in law involved with the mob?” Dr. Dover was literally on the edge of his chair, finally showing interest in my answer.

“No doc, not the mob.” I shook my head in disgust, “The Volturi. They are Italian vamps, and really mean ones at that. They only drink blood from humans.”

“So these Volturi vampires, they caused trouble at the wedding?” He slowly rubbed the scruffy facial hair along his jaw line, watching me closely as I shifted in my chair.

“Yeah, the bastards tried to kidnap Bella. Something about a deal Edward had made with them in Italy that he didn’t fulfill.” I watched Dr. Dover’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “I’m telling you, it wasn’t a mob thing. They apparently wanted to turn Bella into a vampire themselves when she went to Italy last year to save Edward, but he managed to buy her some time, trying to find a way out of it. He…. he tried to protect her.”

It nearly killed me to admit it, but Edward did love her. He took on the Volturi, with the rest of his family at his side, and they fought for each other, but most importantly, they all fought to protect Bella.

They loved her… But I love her, too.

“So your son-in-law, and the rest of his vampire family, tried to protect Bella from the Italian vampires, who came to town intending to do her harm. Edward stopped them, and was severely hurt in the process. Is that correct?”

I nodded my head, too choked up to speak. “Luckily, he heals fast…” I mumbled.

“Then why bite her? Why change her into vampire if he got rid of the Volturi?”

“She was still in danger, one of them got away and is still out there. Truthfully, she wanted him to….” It came out as barely a whisper. “She actually had been asking him to change her for a while now. She wanted to become one of them; she wanted to be with him forever.”

I never really knew my daughter, did I?

“Instead of with you?” The patronizing tone in his voice infuriated me.

“I’m not jealous, if that’s what you’re implying. How would you feel if your daughter, Miss May Dover, the little girl you took fishing with you all the time, ran off with a vampire?”

“How I feel is irrelevant, we’re talking about you and your family, Charlie,” the doctor said sternly.

“Sure, sure, doc. Listen, I know in my heart she’s happy, I know that it’s what she wanted, but it doesn’t make it any easier to accept. I’ve lost my little girl; he took her away from me, forever. Stupid vampire.”

“She got married Charlie, she’s on her honeymoon for a week or two, then she’ll be back.”

“She can never come back. They moved all the way to Alaska!” I buried my face into my hands, the enormity of Bella’s choice beginning to hit me.

“Why? To get away from you?” Dr. Dover glanced over at the clock on the wall, then back to me.

“No, not to get away from me! They moved to get away from well, everyone. They can’t be near humans while Bella’s… a newborn vampire.” Even I rolled my eyes as I listened to the story I was telling.

My daughter’s a vampire… I miss her so much.

“OK, forgive my ignorance, but if she’s actually a vampire, and they drink blood, then why can’t she be near humans? Aren’t they her food source?” Again the edges of his mouth twitched, making me really want to slap him.

“The Cullens don’t drink human blood,” I spat. “They have made the choice to live off of animal blood, but apparently that takes time and when you change into a vampire, for the first few years you have a hard time controlling your ‘urges’ for human blood. They don’t want Bella to kill anyone, accidentally.” I watched Dr. Dover’s mouth fall open slightly as he tried to take in what I was saying.

He quickly composed himself, “So they took her to Alaska for her own good, right? To keep her safe?”

“Well yes, but I still want to see her and he said I can’t!” I pounded my fist onto the arm of my chair.

“Because she could kill you?”

“Yeah, I guess. It didn’t go so well when I saw her last time.” I gnawed on my bottom lip as I remembered how tightly Edward had to hold Bella around the waist after she ripped the door off the cruiser to keep her from lunging at me.

And those red eyes… She really wasn’t mine anymore.

“But Edward kept her safe. Hell, he kept both of us safe so she could say goodbye…” The ache in my heart grew bigger with the admission.

“So, your son in law looked out for both of you, he protected you, and gave you the opportunity to say goodbye to your daughter before they left?” The ‘Charlie be reasonable’ tone in his voice infuriated me.

“He turned her into a bloodsucking vampire with superhuman strength!” I roared, jumping to my feet and pacing back and forth in front of his desk. “And he moved her to Alaska!” The emotion of it all hit me like a ton of bricks and I fell back into my chair. “I’m never going to see her again…”

There was a knock at the door and Stephenie, Dr. Dover’s secretary stuck her head inside. “Your 4:30 is here, Dr. D!”

“Thanks, Stephenie.” He watched her give him a quick salute, then close the door behind her. “You said a minute ago that she could never come back, what did you mean by that? Is there a hit out on her?”

My hand hit my forehead with a slap. “NO! There’s no mob hit on my daughter.” I took a deep cleansing breath, trying to get my frustration under control. “They, the vampires, can’t come back because they bit Bella. It broke a treaty they had established with the werewolves who are all members of the Quileute tribe and friends of mine.”

“So you’re friends with Jacob, the guy she turned down, and the rest of the werewolves, who hate the vampires?” He asked in disbelief. “I’m just trying to follow all of this.”

I nodded my head, “They are some of my best friends, but I just found out about them being werewolves the same time I found out about the vampires. In all the years, I never knew.” I chuckled, remembering the last time I had dinner at Billy’s. “Of course it does explain the size of those La Push boys and their love of red meat.”

The doctor flipped the pages on his notepad, peering at his writing. “So your daughter married the son of someone, who is a sworn enemy, of everyone you love?”

I nodded my head slowly, again.

“I see…..” Dr. Dover folded his hands across on top of the papers on his desk, his fingers tightly interlaced as he stared at me.

“Soooooo,” I fidgeted in my chair waiting to see what the doctor thought of everything I just spewed from my mouth. “What do we do now?”

“Honestly, you look like hell, Charlie. I think you need to get yourself some rest. I’d like you to spend the night here so I can prescribe something strong to help you sleep. Then we can talk again in the morning. Does that sound ok to you?” He reached over and clicked off the digital voice recorder that was still running.

“Yeah. Ok. Sleep would be good, it’s just that when I close my eyes, all I see is Bella with these big fangs, covered in blood, slaughtering everyone in Forks, and sleeping in a coffin.”

That’s only in the movies… Edward’s voice echoed in my mind.

Dr. Dover picked up his phone and began dialing. “Yes, I have a patient I’d like admitted for observation overnight. I’ll call back with orders once he’s settled in, thank you.” He stood up and patted me on the shoulder, “Someone will be up in a little bit to take you downstairs. We’re going to get this figured out Charlie, don’t you worry.”

“Thanks doc, I know it sounds crazy, but I swear it’s all true.”

“We’ll help you deal with this, not to worry. It’s a big change when your only daughter gets married, and it will take time to adjust and for you to be able to look at things realistically when it comes to Edward. In your mind he is the enemy, he took your little girl away from you and you are struggling with that. I think that’s where a lot of your, ‘issues’ are coming from. ” Dr. Dover opened his door and ushered me into a chair to wait for hospital transport to come up and take me to a room.

At least he didn’t put me in a straight jacket. I thought to myself as I picked up an old issue of Newsweek off the table, and waited.

“So, I couldn’t help but overhear you son-in-law is a vampire,” Stephenie whispered from behind her desk.

I looked up at her and refused to respond. Instead, I watched her eyes grow huge, and waited for the inquisition to start.

“How could you not know? Didn’t you see his fangs? Do you know where he sleeps? You could always stake him in the heart or drag him out of his coffin into direct sunlight and fry him…” She was visibly bouncing in her chair as she continued rambling on about vampire lore, “Crosses, holy water, garlic… any of those could have kept him away from your daughter. I’m sorry it’s too late for her, now that she is his eternally damned bride.” I flinched at the word damned. “But maybe next time you run across a vampire in Forks, you’ll be better prepared now that I shared all of this information with you. You could be next, Charlie, watch your back!” She smiled politely, and then quietly went back to pecking at her keyboard.

And I’m the one being admitted to the hospital for observation…. I rolled my eyes and went back to reading my magazine.


Dr. Dover POV

I opened the garage door and was welcomed home by my eighty five pound black lab, Zero. “Hey Z, how was your day?”

The dog wagged his tail and followed me into the kitchen where I found a sandwich sitting on the counter that Eileen had left out for me. I grabbed a cup from the cabinet, poured myself a tall drink of milk, then sat down at the counter to eat my late dinner.

“Long day, dad?” My daughter, May, shuffled into the kitchen and sat on the stool beside me.

“Yeah baby, long day.” I kissed her on the cheek and offered her a sip of my milk.

“So, any good stories?” She asked as she stole a bite of my sandwich.

“You know I can’t tell you, federal law, doctor patient privilege…” I scolded her.

She rolled her eyes, “Sorry Doctor Dover, didn’t mean to pry…”

I chuckled when she referred to me as ‘doctor’; she only did that when she was truly annoyed. “Well, I did talk to someone today who told me his son-in-law is a vampire…”

May’s head snapped around to look at me, here eyed wide in amusement. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, the poor guy’s daughter just got married and moved away with her new husband and he isn’t coping well. It sounds like the son-in-law might be connected to the mob or something; a group of Italians came to their wedding and made a scene…”

“The mob…” May nodded her head in agreement.

“The story gets better, apparently this guy is also friends with a pack of werewolves, one of whom his daughter might have had feelings for, but in the end, she chose the vampire.” I ate the last bite of my sandwich and headed for the sink to wash the dishes, May was right behind me.

“So, is he crazy?” She asked as she began drying the plate I had just rinsed off and set it on the counter in front of us.

“No, he’s just a dad, who isn’t happy with the guy his daughter married, and he’s having trouble dealing with the fact that she is growing up, and moving out of his house. The newlyweds went on their honeymoon and moved away to start a life of their own and he won’t be seeing his daughter very much anymore, so he's sad, and lonely. This whole vampire story is just a way to vilify his son in law and in his mind, turn him into something truly evil.”

I reached up and put the now clean dish and glass back into the cabinet. “As a matter of fact, I’ve met the ‘vampire son-in-law’, and he’s a very nice kid. A bit stiff, but otherwise harmless.” I looked down at my precious daughter, a smile creeping onto my lips. “And he never once tried to suck my blood…”

May wrapped her arms around my waist. “Will you go crazy when I get married someday, daddy?”

I laughed, “No, I think I’ll be fine, just don’t go marrying a vampire ok?”

A horn beeped from the driveway.

“Oh, I gotta go daddy, my date’s here!”

I glanced out the kitchen window and saw a blue truck in the driveway, a very large arm hanging out of the window was waving at me. I gave a quick wave in return, as I opened the door for May, then paused and closed it before she could walk out.

“Daddy? I have to go…”

“Honey, tell me more about this date of yours.” I peered out the window and saw May’s date getting out of the cab, running his fingers through his hair as he made his way to the porch.

“Dad…” May started but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Hello sir. I’m sorry for honking, that was rude of me,” he thrust out his hand. “My name is Seth, and I’m here to pick up May for our date.”

I shook his hand and was impressed with the way he carried himself and how he came to the door and apologized. “Nice to meet you, Seth.” His hand grasped mine firmly, and with a flash of concern I wondered how old this guy was.

“Can we go now, daddy?” May hissed through clenched teeth, visibly embarrassed.

No, I trust my daughter. I smiled at Seth, then turned to May. “Sure baby, have fun!” I kissed the top of her head as she took Seth’s hand and made their way to his truck.

“Hey Seth, where are you taking my little girl tonight?” I leaned against the doorframe, watching May beam from the front seat.

She must really like this guy, I thought to myself, as Seth closed her door then made his way around the front of the truck to the driver’s side.

“I’m taking her to meet my family and friends….” He stepped into the truck. “Down in La Push! I’ll have her home on time, don’t worry!” He turned the key and the engine roared to life.

Before I had time to say anything, he sped down the driveway, turned onto the street, and was gone. I felt a gentle hand squeeze my shoulder, and turned around to see Eileen, smiling.

“Was that May’s date?” she asked as she led me inside.

“Yeah,” in a daze I made my way to the refrigerator where I grabbed a beer and twisted off the cap, taking an enormous sip. I snickered, thinking about Charlie’s wild fantasy once more. “Brace yourself Eileen, our baby, is on a date, with a werewolf…”


oxoxoxoxoxo
Chapter End Notes:
Hope you enojyed the silliness :) It was great to bring the clueless Dr. Dover back and introduce his sweet daughter MAY DOVER! Did you get the joke? heehee
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