"Jacob! Jacob!" I yelled into the dense wooded forest; the air cooled my breath as I exhaled. I began to run toward a dark figure that I could not yet make out. As much as I ran, I never seemed to reach the figure. Calling his name out over and over; tears streaming down my face. I felt as if I was beginning to forget something important.
My eyes opened and I was lying on my back in my bed. I heard the door to Charlie's cruiser slam shut, he was off to work. My clock read 6:32am...time to get up. I sat up and suddenly felt overwhelmingly sad. Jacob was constantly appearing in my dreams lately. Yet I never could find him. It was always the same dream, running and calling out his name. It had been 2 months since the last time I saw him. Lying in his bed, where we said our goodbyes.
I quickly threw some sweats on and ran a comb through my hair. Downstairs I searched the fridge for something to eat but ended up with just a glass of orange juice. My stomach was so twisted in knots, nothing seemed appetizing. I sat at the dining room table over analyzing my latest dream. The dark figure was new, but I couldn't remember what it was. I thought about calling Seth and checking in. It was a bit early for that though. For the La Push boys, 10am was too early; noon was normally their get up and go time.
I spent most of my morning doing chores. Edward, Jasper and Emmet were out hunting and Alice had begged me to come up to the house, but I had to convince her I was feeling ill and not up for it. That wasn't an easy task.
It was around 9:30 now, still too early to call Seth. I had finished cleaning up the house and decided I would try and take a nap. I lay on the couch and positioned a pillow under my head and under my feet. It was drizzling outside and no amount of sunshine was apparent.
I started to drift off turning to face the back of the couch when suddenly a loud rap came from the front door. I opened my eyes and sat up. I looked at the clock and I wasn't even out for 5 minutes. I strode to the door and looked through the peep hole. It can't be! I must be dreaming this has to be a dream.
Jacob Black stood outside my door; his hair stringy and loose around his face. He was so tall, if anyone had been standing behind him you wouldn't have been able to tell.
I slowly opened the door, waiting for him to disappear and for me to wake up. I opened the door and there he stood. His eyes were cold and concentrating. He looked paranoid and angry.
"Jacob? It that really you?" my voice cracked and I felt the urge to cry. He looked over his shoulder twice and then back to me again. All the while it seemed he was focusing on something else, somewhere different. He abruptly grabbed my arm and forced me out into the rain. He was walking fast and squeezing my arm tighter and tighter.
"Jacob! What are you doing? STOP! Please Stop!" I yelled at him and tried to free my arm without success.
We were heading toward the darkened forest across the way from Charlie's house. The houses and familiar streets were disappearing behind us ever so quickly. Just then Jacob stopped and turned about face towards me.
"Jacob, please you're hurting me!" I motioned toward my arm.
"Oh, sorry." He let go at once and I recoiled my arm in pain. It was sure to leave a bruise.
"What are you doing here? Why did you just kidnap me?" I shouted at him, my eyes filled with anger.
"Don't be so dramatic! I didn't kidnap you, I just needed to be alone with you away from prying ears." He said annoyingly.
"You could have said something first or called that might have been nicer!" I yelled at him.
"OK. I'm sorry. But I knew once I spoke to you I would lose my concentration. I was trying to block my thoughts from Sam on my way up here. The pack will definitely know I'm here by now so I have to make this quick." His voice was strong and powerful. He really was beginning to look more and more like a man than a boy.
His russet skin glistened with fresh rain. He of course wasn't wearing a shirt and his shorts were frayed with holes all over them. I hated how good he looked in my eyes. I worked hard against my urges to touch his hot skin and hold him.
"Stop ogling me Bella, you're making me blush." He teased brushing my hair off my forehead with his burning touch.
"I'm not ogling you. I mean, what do you expect when you walk around with no shirt on all the time." I tried to sound angry. He smiled to himself.
"I should be talking with Sam right now, but I had to see you first." He began more serious now.
"Do they know you're here?" I asked him.
"Well, they probably do now. I just got back a few minutes ago. I had to stop here first."
He said this as he pulled me over to a nearby tree log and we sat down together. "As soon as I received your wedding invitation," he rolled his eyes as he said this, "I was so angry and lost. So I just took off, I went as far north as I could. I ended up somewhere in Alaska." As he said this I visualized him in his wolf form running in the woods like in my dreams.
"So, what, a change of heart or something?" As I said this his jaw clenched.
"Bella, I imprinted!" he sounded horrified by this.
"Oh Jacob, that's good right? I mean, wow, who's the lucky lady." I tried to sound excited for him. It was hard knowing how jealous this made me feel.
"That's complicated. I really should talk to Sam first. It's not good either, this means that I can never see you again ever." He was looking in my eyes, desperate for me to free him from this.
"Well, I thought that was how it was going to be anyways?" I reminded him of our last encounter.
"Yeah, you couldn't see me anymore, but now I have a reason not see you. And it hurts to know this. Bella, I love you and I want to ask a favor of you." His face was so close to mine I could feel the temperature of the air change just from his body heat.
"Sure Jake, anything." It pained me to see him hurting like that. I knew I was agreeing to something I probably wouldn't like but I couldn't resist him.
"This goes against everything my people believe in. The pack will be furious with me but I don't care." He laced his fingers between mine and proceeded to ask me his favor.
"Kiss me." He asked me softly. "Kiss me because you want to. Like you love me and only me. I know I asked you to do this as a favor but I don't want you to do it if you don't want to." He looked away from me and lowered his head like a dog would if you yelled at him for getting in the garbage.
We sat there for a moment in silence. I didn't know what to do. I was about to marry Edward and give my life to him. But there was something inside me that urged me to fulfill Jacob's favor. I loved Jacob and we both knew that this could possibly be our last time together. Our fingers were still locked together when Jacob turned to me.
"Be my Bella again. Be the Bella who isn't in love with a vampire and is only in love with me. No vampires, no wolves just us." His eyes were filling with tears.
My heart broke to see him cry. I grabbed his face with both my hands and moved the hair from it. I thought of our last kiss, seeing our whole life together, us loving each other with nothing to stand in our way. Was I strong enough to see it again and walk away afterward?
I noticed his bottom lip quiver as a single tear streamed down his cheek. I leaned in toward his face and pressed my lips to his. He gasped and put his arms around me. We had kissed before, but never like this. I actually welcomed it this time. I was the one kissing him. His lips were hot and wet. He was much more forceful than Edward.
Jacob stopped kissing me and put his head on my shoulder. "Thank you Bella, you mean so much to me."
My lips felt numb and they foolishly wanted more. I lifted his head and pressed my body against his kissing him deeply and more sensual. He started to give in but then suddenly stopped.
"We can't Bella. Don't do that anymore. I don't know if I can keep myself from jumping you right here right now." He clenched his hands into fists and stood up.
"What is it with all these leeches in my life!" he shouted above me.
"What are you talking about?" I asked perplexed.
He turned toward me and examined my face. "The love of my life is not only marrying a vampire but wants to be one. And now I imprint on a stupid.....never mind!" he shook his head and looked away from my face.
"Wait, you imprinted on what, on whom? Jacob, talk to me. What is it?" I placed my hands on his shoulders and pleaded with him.
"A vampire!" he yelled at me turning his back on me.
"What? You mean you imprinted on a vampire. Is that even possible?" I asked him while his back was still facing me.
"Apparently it is! I came across another family of vampires in Alaska. I tried to leave before they knew I was there but something kept me around. There was a scent that hit me whenever I came close to them. It wasn't as disgusting as usual. It was intoxicating leaving me drunk with interest. Her scent was inviting, I didn't want to desert whatever it was that was reeling me in." He was excited again and waving his hands every time he talked.
"OK, OK! I get it." My jealousy was winning the battle against my good natured side.
"Well long story short, they are like your vampires here. They claim to only hunt animals and they didn't seem to have a problem with me roaming around. They had never seen one of our kind and they were intrigued." He had turned to face me now and was holding my hands.
"Her name is Tanya, and it just happened. The moment I saw her everything made sense. I saw our life together, being with no one but her. When I realized she was a vampire I knew something was different because I didn't care." He was looking in my eyes examining my expression.
"Wait, back up. What was her name? Did you say Tanya?" I couldn't believe it. The same Tanya who tried to take Edward before me and now she was taking my Jacob. My knees started to buckle.
"Yes, do you know her?" he asked me.
"I know of her. I can't believe this Jake. A vampire? It is a little ironic if you think about it." I tried to lighten the mood.
"I could think of nothing but her my whole way back but then as soon as you opened that door and looked at me with those eyes." He trailed off and looked away from me.
"You just feel guilty that's all. I'm glad for you. How is this going to work? I mean your pack and all." I sat down on the mossy ground feeling sick.
"Well that's why I came back; I need to talk to Sam about this. And it's not guilt, Bella. I love you and when I'm near you I'm just Jacob. Nothing else matters." He was close to my face again staring me down.
"Well I'm marrying Edward and you have Tanya now!" I said sharply, stepping back from his face.
"I know. But I'll always love you. I wish I had imprinted on you. Even if you still married Edward I'd always be waiting." He pulled me into his bare chest and held me tight. His arms wrapped around me as his head rested on mine.
"You're so grown up Jake." I squeezed my arms around him as well.
"Hmm." he scoffed
"What? What are you thinking?" I asked looking up at him.
"The pack doesn't understand how I could have imprinted but still have feelings for you." He stated.
"But I thought you haven't seen them yet."
"Not yet, but they heard why I wanted to see you. As soon as I got close to Forks they were in my head pleading with me to just come home." He said annoyed.
"Oh, will they be angry I kissed you?" I wondered.
"Not really, just glad that I'm back. Sam has lots of questions though. They don't believe I really imprinted, Sam does but the others don't." He seemed content so I didn't move at all.
"Do you think your feelings for me could just be friendship?" I asked him.
"Bella, if you only knew the things my mind was thinking of doing to you right now you wouldn't ask me that." He coyly smiled and tightened his arms around me.
"Jacob Black! I'm almost a married woman." I said acting irritated.
"So why were you kissing me then?" he was serious.
"Jake, you and I both know when we are alone, only the old Jacob and Bella exist, nothing else matters remember." I heard myself say this and felt disgusted. What was I doing to Edward? He doesn't deserve a two timer who loves werewolves. He deserves a loyal wife. I knew tonight when Edward came back would be hard; I had to tell him everything.
"If only in a different world, Bella, you would be mine and only mine." He grasped my face in his hands and kissed my lips softly. Jacob then dipped me over his arm and kissed my lips forcefully. He was so strong and smooth in his movements lifting me back on my feet again.
"I always wanted to do that, I'm glad it was you that let me." He smiled with exuberance.
"I think we should let that be our last kiss." I said ending his smile.
He looked down and sighed. He wrapped his arms around me again, his chin on the top of my head."Alright." He said this under his breath but I sensed it wasn't directed toward me.
"Just know we'll always have our year we shared together." He let go of me and started to walk into the forest.
"Good bye Bella." He said as Jacob the man.
"Where are you going?" I called after him, he didn't look back, he just kept walking. He broke into a run and then he was gone. I fell to my knees and started sobbing. Not again, not like this I can't take another one of these moments.
Jacob was gone, my friend, my love. Why did I have to love him? I knew I would never see him again. I picked myself up off the ground and stood there looking in the direction of where he left. I was hoping he would change his mind and come back.
Several minutes passed and nothing just the wind in the trees. I knew this was for the best, I knew I couldn't see him anymore. What was I going to tell Edward? The truth. That Jacob was the love of my human life and Edward was the love of my eternity. If Edward leaves me too, I'll be sick with pain.
Moments later I walked into Charlie's house and went straight to the couch, falling into it, tears running down my face. I couldn't move, my body was limp. I'd cried over Jacob so many times, I hoped this was the last time like our kiss.
"Bella?" I heard his voice and opened my eyes. He stood in the doorway looking completely flawless. My body seemed to shiver with his arrival.
"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry. Jake came back and we kissed and he imprinted and..." I was shaking and stumbling over my words. He floated over to me and picked me up in his arms putting his icy finger to my lips.
"Bella, don't say anything else. I understand. You don't have to explain." His words were smooth and comforting.
"No I'm horrible, how can you still want me?" I demanded with tears in my eyes.
"I belong here with you Bella. Nothing changes that." He held me against his chest and whispered in my ear, "I love you and I'm here for you always. Do you still want to be my wife?"
"I never stopped." I said back to him. He leaned down and kissed my lips. It felt as if his touch brought me back to life; surging my heart with blood again.
"I won't be the one to come between your human life and the love you lost." He said lovingly.
"And it's not horrible, you're only human. I can't blame you for that." He stated.
I nestled my head into his chest and breathed in slowly.
"Though I am glad he finally said goodbye, sharing you has been quit hard." He began to admit.
"I'm so sorry Edward. I never meant to hurt you." I closed my eyes and wished for death.
He lifted my chin and smiled, "It's ok, and you have the rest of eternity to make it up to me." He laughed and then kissed my lips.
"By the way you stink." He curled up his nose jokingly and then smiled again.
"Jake imprinted on Tanya." I stated abruptly hoping to shock him. It didn't.
"I know. We heard. How ironic for the boy." He lay me down on the couch and cuddled up with me. I wanted to tell him how much of a boy Jacob was not.
"How is that even possible?" I was asking with true fascination.
"It's very surprising to us as well." He raised his eyebrows and shrugged. Even when he did this he looked like a model. "It's all very interesting and I'm curious to see how it plays out." His hand stroked my arm and I could feel nothing else. I slowly drifted off to sleep, while Edward continued this.
I didn't dream.