My family loved her. In the time we had been together she had become as one of our own. My mother was a domestic goddess in so many ways, but now she had someone to cook for. My father had a family member that could actually benefit from his centuries as a physician. My sister had a real life doll she could dress and spoil. My little brother finally had someone to tease and pick on.
They all missed her. Most of all, they missed who I was without her. I truly became a shell of the man I was. Even more introverted than the Edward I was before her light shone in my world. After we moved from Forks I left my family for months at a time. I knew they were tired of seeing me wither away. My body of course did not falter, but my personality was not anything to be desired. I only hunted when absolutely necessary. I did not engage in any of my former outlets. I just...was.
When we were no longer together for about a year, my family urged me to move on. How could I even think of doing such a thing? Bella was not just some woman I dated. She was my life. My whole existence. However, the reason she was gone was of my own doing. I knew he had only had a lapse in control. I knew we could prevent him from ever truly harming her. Yet I was afraid. Afraid that she had finally seen me for exactly what I am. A monster.
How could she truly want to be with me, be like me? Only another creature like myself would be a sane decision for me to be with. Another vampire would not be able to be crushed by a runaway vehicle. She would be able to hold her own in a dark alley. She would not be able to get a damn paper cut! I did not like the idea of trying again. Of starting over. But I felt I owed it to the people that mattered to me most. That is how I ended up in a romance with Sandria.
She's perfect
So flawless
Or so they say
She thinks I can't see
The smile that she's faking
Poses for pictures
That aren't being taken
I did not go looking for someone to be with. I really did try to avoid it with much effort. But there was this woman I could not shake. Not that I was drawn to her. No one, especially after being with Bella, could capture my attention. She was just everywhere. I literally could not shake her. Sandria had been a newer addition to the Makeda coven, having been a nomad for 150 years. We first came across them while vacationing on the Canary Islands. My mother had convinced me to accompany the family just this once.
Sandria was beautiful, no doubt. No matter how deep my depression, I could not deny she had a certain something. What, I am not sure. Dria reminded me of my sister in that she was physically attractive, but held little else. Little compassion, little intelligence, little patience. But she was what I needed at the time. Or so I thought. I was always drawn back to her. Always drowning in my thoughts and memories of Bella. Our relationship was complex, yet so simple. It was just love and so...comfortable.
I wished that it was a simple case of heartache, puppy love. I wish it were that we just broke up. That one of us had cheated, changed our minds somehow. Fell out of love. That way I would have a chance at my sanity. A chance to truly move on.
Can't remember
What went wrong last September
Though I'm sure you'd remind me
If you had to
He did not hurt her. But he could have, easily. If I was not naturally quicker than him, my beautiful Bella would have been slain before my eyes. It would have been fast, but not painless. The look in his eyes was that of pure carnage. As much of a loving gentleman he is most of the time, there was only an animal in his eyes and mind that afternoon. Only the thought what that of feeling her blood course through his body. I could not lose her. Not that way. Not after months of loving her with all that I had. I wanted her, forever.
The days following I could not focus on anything but what I almost lost. My best friend, my love, my life. If I had known those were going to be our last days together, I would have loved her even harder. If that were possible. She implored me over and over to shake it, forget about what almost happened. I felt careless, helpless. So instead of loving her harder, I did the exact opposite. I pretended to let go. I took every reminder of me from her, foolishly thinking that would make it easier for her. I did not ask my family for their advice. I specifically asked my sister not to focus on what I was about to do. The events of the day that was even more horrible than what my brother had attempted.
The day I left my love. He almost took her life, but I took her essence. She was so broken, weak at my feet. My body felt as if I still had insides, as it twisted and burned into nothing. I could not take it, the look in her eyes as what I was saying hit her. I wanted her to believe me, only enough for me to be able to walk away. But never to believe that I did not care. That I no longer loved her. As if that were even possible. She was the very breath and blood I lost so many years ago. She was my life.
Bella gave me more than I ever knew I was missing. She radiated a warmth I did not know possible. When I was around her my body drummed as if with a pulse that was long gone. Bella quickly reawakened in me urges, thirsts and hungers that were present in my human existence. But these were so much more. I never knew the sensation of pressing my fingertips into the curves of a woman's body. Never had I nuzzled in the sweet scent of freshly cleansed hair. I didn't need to kiss her deeply, caress her breasts or anything overtly sexual. She could just bite her lip or look up at me through her lush lashes and I would be aroused. Her eyes seemed to peer past my cold hard exterior. When her scent invaded my senses it made me fly, faster than I could actually move. There was no flower, food or any other specific fragrance that could give me a fraction of that high. And how she reacted to my words, my touch. Gah...there were no words known to man that could express what she did to me when her emotions played across her body in that tempting rouge. My Bella's beautiful blush.
Our love was
Comfortable
And so broken in
What she did to me physically was overwhelming, but only a portion of my attraction to her. I was torn, only for a short while, between feasting on her blood and getting to know this intriguing creature. The more I had the privilege of being in her company, the more I yearned to just be near her. Listening to her talk, chat, ramble. Anything to get to know her mind more intimately. She was such a joy to observe. She was self-conscience and bold at the same time. Bella would nervously hide her face in her luscious chocolate locks in one moment, and round her shoulders and take a stand against an adversary in another.
Life of the party
And she swears that she's artsy
But you could distinguish
Miles from Coltrane
I was passionate about literature and music and she could keep pace with me. She was not simple or close-minded when it came to the arts. Bella knew artists and authors most seventeen year olds would scoff at. And she loved them, just as I did. There was no one I had met in all of my years, human or vampire, that held my attention and attraction the way she could. It wasn't until I was overwhelmed that one beautiful, almost tragic day.
The day I was first assaulted with the sweet scent of my beautiful Bella. The urge to partake of human blood was always there, but had not burned within me before like in that moment. I had never been consumed by fire but from this lone feeling, I could imagine it. And yet it was not a morbid fear or lost feeling, this raging fire. It was exciting. I needed her. Not to drink her blood. No. I needed her alive. To hear her heartbeat and the melodic thrumming of her inner workings. The more I was around her, the more I wanted to hear her speak. I wanted to know everything about her, I couldn't get enough.
For decades upon decades I filled my time with many distractions. It was not lost on me how everyone else in the world seemed to be paired off with their respective partners. I wished for this too, but in the meantime there was literature. And music, theatre, sports, medicine, teaching and philanthropy. There was no mate for me to honeymoon with, so travel did little for me. I had entertained the idea many times, mostly through other peoples thoughts and fantasies. I had no true sense of how wonderful it would be to be committed in a loving relationship. More than brotherly love, more than I loved my parents. Someone to share your most intimate secrets, desires, passions, dreams and hopes. Someone to hold and be held by. A love that surpasses all others. A partner that matches you emotionally, intellectually and physically. The person you would rather die for than live without.
I had that feeling. That was my Bella. There was nothing more or less that she could have done to encourage my desire for her. My need for her. I lost that. Not because she no longer loved me, or I her. But because of my fear. I have Sandria now but she does not have all of me.
Only Isabella Marie Swan holds my heart. I left it with her.
I love you
Grey sweat pants
No make up
So perfect
Our love was
Comfortable
And so broken in
She's perfect
So flawless
I'm not impressed
I want you back
