"Jake, please slow down!" I asked him, gripping my boyfriend even harder than I already was. "You are going way to fast! We're going to crash, and I will never let you live that down if we do!" I couldn't even focus on the trees that we were passing. Everything around us were blurs.
He wanted to take me on a ride on his newly acquired motorcycle. Jake was so enthusiastic about it, and his happiness had rubbed off on me and eventually I caved, letting him take me. But now I wish I never even came with him. His speedometer was passing a hundred, and we weren't even close to slowing down. We just kept going.
I was so scared. I didn't know if it was me, or the motorcycle, but my vision was blurred from shaking. I am pretty sure I'm the one that's shaking though. He doesn't know how afraid I am for the both of us. If we crash, I don't want him to get hurt. Please don't let us crash.
"Why, Ness? This is fun. Don't you feel the freedom, the wind blowing through your hair?" Jake's smile grew bigger as he spoke.
This wasn't freedom. I wouldn't mind the wind blowing through my hair if we weren't passing the speed limit. "No Jake, slow down! We're going too fast and you know it!"
Seconds tick by. I could feel the wind raking against my body, and my shaking kept getting worse. I couldn't calm down. I had this feeling that something bad was going to happen if we didn't. Jake sighed, long and deep.
"If you really want me to slow down, can you give me the biggest hug you can muster?" Something was off in his voice. I couldn't pin point it, but the usual cheeriness wasn't there. It's probably because he was starting to see my words of slowing down. If a hug was all it took to get us to slow down, I would hug him his whole life.
I pulled my arms, traveling up his body so I didn't have to let go, and put one around his shoulder. My left arm went around his waist, and I pulled myself as close to him as I could. Even in our situation, the closeness of our bodies gave me sparks. I could feel the electricity running through him into me, giving me a warm feeling inside. "Can you slow down now?"
"I'll slow down if you tell me you love me," Jake added, pushing his back closer to me. I hope he doesn't risk it by putting his arm around me, it would be too dangerous.
I don't know why he kept asking me to do these things, but I didn't object. I pulled out all of the emotion I could, wanting to put it in my sentence. "I love you so much. I would die for you, I hope you know that."
His frown turned into a sad smile. "I love you too. Just do me one more favor, okay?" I nodded my head in response. Even though he couldn't see me, I know he could feel my nod since my head was pressed up against his neck. "Take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's really bothering me."
"Wh-"
"Don't ask, just please do it. You know how I am." And I did know. I took off his helmet, and placed it on myself. Taking my grip off of him was hard. It felt like I was going to fall off, and lose him right there. That feeling was terrible.
"I love you," I repeated, to make sure he was going to slow down. But as I detected before, something was wrong. The atmosphere around us changed. All I could see was him. All I could hear, and smell, and think of was him. My Jacob.
The electricity around us changed. It seemed to charge, like a battery, getting bigger and bigger. I could feel the tingling on my skin on every part of me. I could feel it in my heart and it made my head dizzy, but not in a bad way. It didn't falter, or change. It just kept adding on. The feeling was amazing.
It had been the strongest emotion I had ever felt. I had been with Jake for a while, and emotions such as these had never surfaced. Why were they coming up now? But this feeling had a name. Love. And ours was as strong as ever.
Something was wrong. My eyes widened as I blinked back tears. We still continued speeding down the road.
--
Motorcycle Crash Is Fatal
I could barely read the headline through my tears and denial. Everything from yesterday felt like a dream to me. It didn't happen! Anything that happened yesterday was all lies. But I knew I was telling myself a lie that I didn't even believe.
I couldn't bring myself to take in what I read on the paper. They didn't know anything. Only I really knew the whole story. The only thing I believed on this paper was the brake failure. I knew I could tell that something was wrong. Why did I agree to let him ride on that thing anyways?
Only I knew the real story. And our last moment together kept playing in my head over and over again, like a broken movie reel. He told me to hug him. He told me to tell him that I loved him. He told me to take his helmet for a reason. I regret taking the helmet now, but my sorrow filled tears can't change what happened in the past.
He told me to tell him I loved him. I wish I knew to do it myself, or even to change things. I would have told him so much more. He didn't even get to hear half of it. He was my life. My other half. With out him, everything felt empty and gone. I didn't want to exist anymore with out him. He was the reason I got up in the morning to face another day.
Why did I have to take the helmet from him?! Why? Why? Why? The last thing I had ever given him was a hug. The last thing he had ever given me was my life. In that conversation I told him I would die for him. But instead he turned it around and died for me. Our last moment together in this life, and he did it by asking me to do those things for him.
He gave me his helmet so that I would live even if he died.