He called me Lee-Lee then.

I loved him.

He loved me too.

I hated him.

He never hated me.

I tried to make life miserable for him.

He tried to make life easy for me.

I feel like a sadistic shrew for what I did to him.

He is eternally mortified by the pain that he caused me.

I know it was not his fault.

He wishes I could admit that it was not his fault.

I hated him.

He never hated me.

I still love him.

He loves me too.

He calls me Leah now.

“Leah?”

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt my mom’s hand on my shoulder. Guilt flooded over me when she took three quick steps backward. “I’m sorry, Mom. I was daydreaming. You startled me.”

“I did knock,” she told me, “and I thought I heard you answer. I guess I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

I crossed my tiny bedroom in two steps and wrapped my arms around my mother. “Stop apologizing. I promise that I’m not going to freak out and phase or leave for good. No matter what, Mom, I promise you that you will always know where I am.”

She stood up on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek. “Thank you, honey, you don’t know how happy it makes me to hear you say that.”

“Even if I am a moody pain in the ass most of the time?” I asked cheekily.

“Even then,” she laughed. “Now, are you absolutely sure that you want to go to the wedding? No one would think anything if you backed out.”

The breath that I exhaled was much deeper than I’d expected that it would be. “No. I’m going. Emily was my best friend in the world until two years ago. I’ve missed her and I want to try and get back some of what we lost. And, even with all that’s happened, she still wants me to be her maid of honor. I can’t refuse that.”

Ever understanding, my mom nodded before looking hesitant. “And Sam?”

I looked past her, out the window and into the horizon. “Sam will always be part of my life. He was a part of the happiest years of my life. So far. I know now that he never meant to hurt me, that hurting me broke him a little bit every time he thought about it. And, now that I’m part of what took him from me, I see how it works. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, it does, but it does mean that I can learn to live with it.”

My mom sat down on the edge of my bed and patted the spot next to her. “I like this new, healthy attitude, Leah,” she told me honestly. “I hope I don’t upset you by saying so, but I was worried about you. I didn’t want you to be angry for the rest of your life. I wanted you to decide to make yourself at least content if not happy. You don’t know how happy I am to hear you say even that you can learn to live with the past. Remember, though, that I’m always here for you, no matter what.”

I curled my legs up and laid my head in her lap, allowing myself a few minutes of quiet innocence as she threaded her fingers through my now longer hair. She’d done that when I was little, massaging my scalp and calming me down from anything and everything. I missed it more than I’d realized.

Too soon, after ten minutes or so, I forced myself back into the moment. “I want to stay here all day, but I’ve got to get ready for the wedding,” I sighed petulantly.

“Need any help?” she asked as I stood up and stretched. “Or are you going over to Emily’s now?”

“Rachel and Kim are doing the setup and stuff,” I reminded her. “I think Emily didn’t want to ask me to do too much. Aren’t you supposed to go over and help?”

“Well, yes, but I wanted to know what you’re going to do if you’re getting ready already and you aren’t going there yet.”

I took a deep breath and centered myself, noting that I’d put her on the defensive with three sentences. Going with the flow and trying to act naturally, I stripped out of my tank top and denim skirt and reached for the flimsy pale blue summer dress that Emily had chosen for me. “I have an errand to run and then I’m supposed to pick Emily up from her hair appointment in Forks. Don’t worry,” I laughed in what I dearly hoped wasn’t as hysterical a voice as I heard in my own ears, “I’m not running away or chickening out.”

“Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you if you did,” she told me as she opened the bedroom door to leave. “Oh, while you’re in Forks, can you make a quick stop at the police station and remind Charlie what time to be here? He had to cover a shift this morning and I’m sure he’s forgotten what time.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Since his daughter had married the most eligible bachelor in vampire-land, given birth to an admittedly cute and addictive freak of nature and become a ridiculously tame bloodsucker herself, Charlie Swan had been spending all his free time with my mom. She, being a worrier by nature, worried constantly that me and Seth were upset by the relationship since it had only been a year since our dad died.

We weren’t upset. What she’d gone through with my dad’s sudden death, becoming part of the council and having her only remaining family turn into werewolves because there were vampires in the area was enough to break anyone’s spirit. And, even though I’d been fully engrossed in myself and my own problems, I wasn’t blind to her loneliness and sadness. Charlie changed all that. She laughed and smiled again when she was with him. She was just a little bit like she used to be.

Neither Seth nor I nor my dad would ever deny her that. And Seth and I both knew that our dad wouldn’t have rather had anyone but Charlie Swan take care of his wife. As much as we tried to tell her all of that, she just kept worrying.

I was scared, though, scared for my mom and her happiness. Charlie knew that Jacob could turn into a giant wolf, he’d seen it, and we were pretty sure that he’d guessed that me and Seth could do the same thing. The problem was Bella. Charlie knew, thanks to Jacob and his big fat mouth, that what happened to him was loosely, at the very least, related to the changes that were so blatantly obvious in Bella. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to make the connection that we, if not my mom, knew the details of the new and improved or new and downgraded, depending on how you chose to look at it, Bella.

I didn’t want my mom to be constantly worried about spilling the secrets of bloodless Bella during casual dinner conversation or even pillow talk. It wasn’t fair to her. Not a bit. And I knew that she wasn’t going to be able to lie and keep secrets for long. She’d break up with him first. I would do everything I could to keep my mom’s heart from breaking like mine had.

Which is why I was now almost late for part one of my plan for the day. “Sure, Mom,” I promised lightly as I kissed her cheek. “I’ll remind Charlie to be here no later than 5:30. See you later.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I pushed my battered but beloved green 1997 Chevrolet Lumina to the limits of its speed as I ventured east toward Forks. The first stop on my itinerary was the Forks Community Hospital and it had absolutely nothing to do with the wedding. I drummed my crossed fingers on the steering wheel and sang along with Lady Gaga about keeping a poker face as I tried to distract myself from what I was about to do.

It was hard to decide if Dr. Cullen walking through the parking lot when I pulled in was a good omen or a bad one. Either way, it meant that I didn’t have to track him down in the hospital. And that, I suppose, was a good thing.

“Good morning, Leah,” he said calmly as I parked next to his shiny black Mercedes, loving my imperfect car all the more for it’s personality. “Can I help you with something?”

I took a deep breath and wondered if I was, in fact, losing my mind. “Yeah, maybe. I just need to talk to you for a minute if that’s okay.”

“Absolutely,” he agreed easily, maybe too easily. “Would you like to go somewhere to talk or shall we just stay here?”

I stared at him across the top of his car and, on an impulse, pulled open the passenger side door of the Mercedes and slid into the seat; he quickly slipped in next to me. “It’s about my mom,” I blurted out. “And Charlie.”

As part of an unspoken agreement, he copied me in staring silently out the windshield at the brick hospital.

He didn’t say anything and I realized that, even if he knew what I was intended to say, he was going to wait for me to spit it out. “My mom knows everything about everyone,” I said with a sigh; I hated restating the obvious and wasting time on it. “Charlie knows three-quarters of the story. I’m worried about that.”

“About the last quarter of the story?” he guessed.

“Yep. It’s kind of a big thing,” I said, trying to reign in my usual sarcasm. “My mom, she’s really happy with Charlie. Most of the time. I don’t think he’s asked her about her wolf children or his sparkly daughter and mysteriously advanced in more ways than one pop-up granddaughter but I know that she’s worried he will. She hasn’t said it to me exactly, but she doesn’t think she can lie to him. She’ll opt for cutting ties to him. And she needs him.”

Seconds of awkwardly painful silence passed as I tried not to breathe in the enclosed car, saving my nostrils from the burn of bleach. I was pleased to note that Dr. Cullen wasn’t really breathing either.

“What are you asking me, Leah?” he said finally. “Please just tell me exactly what it is that you want.”

As best as I could figure, there was a fifty-fifty chance that he’d just lean over and bite me, poisoning me instantly. But, almost never the optimist, I also realized that the other side of the coin was that he would agree to my request. Then again, maybe it was a three-sided coin and he’d simply tell me no. That seemed to be the most likely option given what I knew of the vampire surgeon extraordinaire. And I could live with that, I suppose.

But I had to ask, so I tossed the mythical three-sided coin into the air and prepared to let it fall where it would. “I want Charlie to know the last quarter of the story,” I stated simply with a confidence that both surprised and pleased me. “I don’t want my mom to lose her chance at happiness because she knows what Bella is and, when Charlie inevitably asks her, she can’t answer him.”

He unfroze himself long enough to turn his face to me. “Have you spoken to your mother, Sam or Jacob about this?”

“No. No way am I mentioning this to my mom until I know someone’s answer. But, if you’re willing to consider it, I will talk to Sam myself.” I was staring directly into his golden eyes, silently pleading that the compassion I’d seen in him when I was in the pack of three to be real and come now.

His next words shocked the hell out of me. “Alright, Leah,” he agreed. “I will speak to my family about your request. If we all agree, we can discuss allowing Charlie to know the entire story. But I won’t allow him to know anything more than he already does if Sam and the rest of the council don’t agree.”

“Seriously?” I said, blinking in surprise. “You’d agree to Charlie knowing that his daughter’s a leech, sorry, vampire?”

He smiled and let my slip pass, something which didn’t irritate me as much as it usually did. “Yes, I would. I’ve been wondering about the effect the secrets would have on Charlie and Sue’s relationship. And, given that Charlie’s closest friends seem to be those who know about the supernatural world we share, I think it would be safe for him to know the truth. But the decision is, in the end, up to Bella. From our side at the very least.”

Bella would agree to telling Charlie in an instant. Even I knew that much. But I had to cover all the bases. “Thank you, Dr. Cullen. And I do mean that,” I told him honestly. “But if she doesn’t want him to know and, for my mom, I do, what would happen?”

“I’m not going to order my family to attack you and your brothers over that, Leah. I promise you that. I only ask that, should Bella decide against telling her father the complete truth, you allow your mother to be part of the decision to tell him. For our part, we would answer any questions Charlie might have. But the bonds that my family and your pack have formed are far too valuable to throw away for something like that.”

For some strange reason, I believed him.

I put my hand on the door and prepared to leave, all but desperate for fresh air. “Thanks, Dr. Cullen. I really do appreciate your open-mindedness about this.”

“Anyone can see how much your mother and Charlie care for each other, Leah,” he told me quietly. “I believe I would feel differently if she didn’t already know our secrets but she does and that changes things. I haven’t stood in the way of my own love or the love that the ones I call children have been blessed with and I won’t, I can’t, stand in the way of the love that exists between Charlie and your mother.”

It was becoming increasingly hard to hate vampires.

I opened the door and took a deep breath. “Well, I don’t want to take up any more of your time so I’ll say thanks once again and be on my way.”

“You’re very welcome, Leah,” he said, startling me when he reached out and lightly touched my arm. “But if I may have a moment of your time to ask you something?”

I settled back into the plush seat. I didn’t have a clue what he could want to ask me. “Sure, what is it?”

“It’s about the wedding today,” he said with a uncertainty in his voice that I hadn’t expected, “I realize that, because of Jacob, Nessie and her parents were invited. But I must admit to being a little surprised when Esme and I received an invitation. Jacob told us that we should go and we responded as such but I’d like to know what you think. Do Sam and Emily really want us at their wedding?”

“Yes,” I answered without a bit of hesitation; I’d talked to Emily about just that and I’d seen it in Sam’s mind. “They do want you there. Our two groups, families, whatever you want to call them, are much closer to friends now, even without the Nessie factor. And Sam respects you a lot. We all do. And we know that things could have gone very differently when the Volturi came if it hadn’t been for you.”

“You wouldn’t have been there at all if it hadn’t been for me,” he countered tightly. “You wouldn’t have half your tribe turning into werewolves. And you wouldn’t be on the Volturi’s radar now.”

“All that’s true, of course,” I admitted, “but the fact remains that we could have all died that day and we didn’t. Not only did we not die, but you actually asked Sam to keep us back and out of the way in case there was a fight and/or we’d end up on the Volturi radar. Sam respects that a lot, so does Emily. It’s sort of how Sam hopes that we see him, a leader with violence and needless death as the absolute last resort. We do, but he doesn’t believe it so much. Either way, Sam and Emily want you at the wedding. You can argue about who’s more to blame for what with Billy and Old Quil there.”

He’d watched me closely as I spoke and, for once, it didn’t bother me. “Very well, Esme and I will be there,” he said, smiling more honestly. “And I will have an answer for you then.”

We said our goodbyes with much more casualness than I ever expected to have with a vampire and I set off for the police station. Jacob had been right when he’d broken away from the pack when Sam was planning which of us would kill which Cullen after we found out that Bella was pregnant; killing certain vampires was wrong. Killing someone like Dr. Cullen would be murder. And I’m no murderer.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Charlie was frantically searching through a drawer in his desk when I walked in to the police station. “Lose something?” I asked absently.

“Geez, Leah, are you trying to give me a heart attack?” He went completely still then, obviously remembering how my father had died. “Sorry.”

I closed my eyes and centered myself, yoga classes were really paying off. “Don’t worry about it, Charlie,” I told him. “Really.”

He dropped his eyes from mine, his face still paler than normal, and went back to scouting through the drawer. “Sorry,” he mumbled again. “Did you need something?”

“Just that Mom wanted me to remind you to be at La Push by 5:30 at the absolute latest,” I said, trying not to laugh when he immediately stopped looking for whatever it was that he hadn’t lost. “She thought you might forget since you had to work early. Did you lose the note that she wrote you with the time on it?”

The tension was broken, and we both laughed freely and easily.

“Yep,” he admitted as he relocked the drawers. “Sure did. I also lost your cell phone number which I was going to call to ask that very question.”

I grabbed his phone and saved my number in the contact list. “If I’m phased, I won’t have it with me, you know?” I reminded him. “Why didn’t you just call Billy?”

“He’d just rat me out to your mother,” he muttered irritably. “Just like the other day when she miraculously knew that I had four donuts for breakfast when I just happened to have had breakfast with him. Not like he doesn’t have bags of sugar laden candy stashed around his house.”

“Mom’s not dating Billy,” I pointed out, still trying not to laugh. “She’s dating you. So it’s you and your health that she cares most about. I’ll tell Rachel and Paul that Billy’s hiding candy again; they’re living there, they should take care of him.”

“Yeah, they should,” he agreed, “especially since Jacob can’t seem to be bothered to pull himself away from the Cullens. Not that Billy complains about it. He’s seems just as pleased as pie that his only son barely ever shows his face.”

“The Blacks are strange,” I said with a shrug of my shoulders, trying to move past things I couldn’t talk about. The idea of Charlie finding out that Jacob was already in love with his kinda-sorta granddaughter scared me enough to worry for Billy’s safety for not having told Charlie anything. “You know that some of the Cullens are going to be at the wedding, right?”

He nodded and sighed. “Carlisle and Esme are going, right?”

I would have expected him to be more concerned about Bella and Nessie and his question about the Cullen “parents” momentarily threw me. “Uh, yeah, I just ran into Dr. Cullen and he said they are,” I told him as I tried to keep the curiosity out of my voice. “Just them and Edward, Bella and Nessie.”

“And Jacob,” Charlie added with a distinct grumpiness in his voice. “I’m sure he’ll be coming with them, not meeting them there.”

I had a few minutes before I needed to pick up Emily and her mother at the hair salon so, bearing in mind that I was a dog and not a cat and therefore immune to curiosity killing me, I flopped casually into the closest chair. “Did Jake do something to bug you, Charlie?” I asked as nonchalantly as possible.

“He spends too much time with them,” he admitted bluntly. “I get that he loved Bella too but she chose Edward. I don’t particularly like Edward, he’s obviously the reason that she’s so different now and can’t or won’t tell me why, but she still married him. Not Jacob. It’s creepy the time he spends over there. Edward should stand up for himself.”

“Oh, believe me, Charlie, Edward knows exactly why Jacob’s hanging around like a lost puppy and he’s good with it.”

“More stuff I can’t know the details about?” he guessed correctly.

“Yep. But I thought you didn’t want to know details.”

“I didn’t. But it’s too much. I’ll find out what it is they’re hiding, Bella included, if it kills me.”

I took that as much cue to go. He couldn’t know just how close he was to the point of all the lies and sneaking around. “You should talk to Billy,” I told him as I headed for the door. “Or Dr. Cullen. But Emily’s waiting for me so I gotta go.”

“Sure thing. Thanks for the reminder. Oh, and Leah? You look really nice.”

I winked at him and murmured my honest thanks.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I practiced my deep, calming breaths on the short walk to the hair salon. I probably shouldn’t have told Charlie to talk to Billy and Dr. Cullen but I didn’t really care. Bella was, in her own little brand of utter selfishness, dangerously close to ruining the lives of too many people. It irritated me to no end that she couldn’t have been a normal newborn vampire if she had to be a vampire and they’d had to take her away, leaving Charlie to think that she’d died in some horrific accident. At least that way, he’d have some closure.

I would have to avoid her at all costs at the wedding. I wouldn’t ruin Emily and Sam’s day.

By the time I was finished having my short but growing hair styled into soft waves, I had a pounding headache. Hair spray always did that to me. By the time the stylist, one of a whopping two in Forks, had finished applying my makeup, my head felt like it had a meat cleaver wedged directly in the center.

But I ignored all that and smiled my politest of smiles as Emily’s mom cooed over the dress that her daughter had chosen for me to wear. Emily would get dressed back at the rez and I was most excited by the fact that she’d chosen blue for me and green for Rachel and Kim. I’d originally second guessed her and wondered if it was a pity slash peace offering, letting me stand out, but I was tired of doubting everything and anything that happened by.

So, with my car filled to bursting with Emily, her mom, and flowers from the florist to compliment the mangy few that the rez had to offer, we set off for home with Emily’s mom doing almost all of the talking.

When we got home, I was trying to not dread following Emily into the house for more hair styling and makeup applying. When she grabbed my hand and stopped me, I knew I’d done a bad job of it.

“I know you need a break, Leah,” she whispered to me, “so you don’t have to come inside now. Get some air but don’t get your dress dirty or shred it, okay?”

I hooked my pinky around hers and grinned. “Pinky swear,” I vowed before starting my beeline for Billy’s.

Luck was on my side and not only was Billy there but Old Quil and Sam had both joined him at his kitchen table. I didn’t know if it was a rite of passage talk or something equal old-fashioned and, frankly, I didn’t care. “Looking good, Sam,” I said to break the ice, taking stock of his black jacket and pants.

“Thanks, Leah,” he replied, seeming just a little surprised by my apparently better than usual mood.

“I would’ve figured you to be over with Emily and the girls,” Billy commented perceptively.

“Oh, you don’t know me at all then, Billy,” I chided him teasingly, determined to keep up the good mood until I absolutely had to get serious. “Hairspray and flowers make be break out in hives. By the way, Mom had me stop and remind Charlie about what time to be here. He plans to rat out your stash of candy to Rachel and Paul in retaliation for you telling Mom about some donuts or something.”

Billy grimaced and waved at Sam. “Hide the candy for me, won’t you, Sam?”

“Alpha outranks chief, old man,” Sam laughed. “And as your son managed to refuse alpha, I outrank you and I say I’ll tell Rachel about the candy unless you go in for a check-up and get it doctor approved.”

“All the way to Hoquiam?” Billy yelped. “Are you volunteering to drive me?”

He turned his best, if weak, puppy dog eyes on Old Quil who only shook his head regretfully. “Sorry, Billy. Sam’s right. You’re too important to this tribe. And don’t be dense. You don’t need to go to Hoquiam. The vampire doctor owes us a checkup or two after our boys standing with his family, don’t you think?”

“Boys?” I scoffed irritably. “But, yes, Billy, I agree. You should have Dr. Cullen give you an exam. He’s coming to the wedding, maybe he could do it afterward. Which brings me to the point of my visit to this boys club. I want Charlie to know what the Cullens are, what his daughter is, so that my mom doesn’t have to lie anymore. It’s breaking her heart and I can’t have that. So I need you three to approve it from our side.”

“What about the Cullens’ side?” Sam asked quickly, falling into alpha mode automatically.

“I know I probably broke the treaty but I met Dr. Cullen at the hospital and asked him already. He said that, as far as he personally was concerned, it would be fine with him. And he promised to talk to his family before the wedding. But he said that Bella will have final say and, if she doesn’t want her father to know, they won’t tell him.”

“And they’ll attack us if we tell him?” Billy asked.

“No. I asked him that specifically and he said that he would not lead an attack against us so long as my mom is part of the decision to tell him. He promised to answer questions Charlie is bound to ask and deal with any repercussions on his own. But he even said that he’d been thinking about the possibility of cluing Charlie in since his closest friends and his girlfriend are all in on the secret.”

“You’ve really covered all the bases, haven’t you?” Old Quil said quietly. “I never thought you’d approach a vampire on your own.”

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” I replied evenly. “And I can’t watch my mom be hurt again. If that means making nice with vampires, I’ll do it.”

“I gather you’d rather Sue not be a part of this discussion until we hear Bella’s answer?” Sam said evenly. “But you want us to decide our answer?”

“Yes and yes. Listen, Sam, I’m really sorry to do this on your wedding day but if Carlisle, Bella and Charlie are all going to be here I couldn’t think of a better day.” I exhaled in relief when he shrugged off and, in his own way, accepted my rare apology.

“Alright, Leah,” Billy said in the timbre of a chief. “Make your case.”

I clasped my hands behind my back to keep from swinging my arms like I usually did when I was nervous and took a deep breath. “My mom is in love with Charlie. We can all see that, I think. I don’t think she meant to fall in love with him. But, when Bella got married, ‘sick’ and then so very different and my mom knew why, I think she felt like she had to take care of him. Maybe protect him from the new reality of his world, a world that he couldn’t know about. But she fell in love with him along the way.

“I’m worried now that she’ll break her own heart and break up with him because she can’t live every day with him knowing something so huge and not being able to tell him, even if he asks. And he will ask. I think we all know that he will ask, eventually.

“So, as I see it, if Charlie knew and knew that mom, Billy and Old Quil all know, he could safely know without running the risk of him telling anyone outside La Push or the Cullen family. He could talk it out, have his questions answered and learn to live with it. He’d even get to know Bella longer.

“I’m truly sorry if I broke a rule by going to Dr. Cullen by myself without telling anyone. But I’d do it again. And, if anything bad happens as a result of this, I’ll put myself on the front line and take full responsibility.

“I’m not asking this for myself and I know that probably surprises you. There’s nothing in this for me expect for my mother’s happiness. She’s done everything she possibly could to give me as much happiness as possible and I owe her the same. She deserves it.”

The three of them sat there in stunned silence. I wasn’t sure if it was my apologies, the fact that I’d said more words in those few moments than I’d ever said at once or something else entirely.

I was about to leave them alone when Old Quil held up his hand to stop me. He looked slowly, purposefully, at Billy and then at Sam. Both nodded as the corners of their lips twitched.

“Sue is an important member of this tribe,” Old Quil declared in his grave but papery voice. “Even though she only become a member of the council when Harry passed away, she has given much to our rich history through you and your brother. To deny her happiness and love would be disrespectful to her, to the memory of our friend Harry and to the honor of this tribe.

“Charlie has long been a friend to all of us, an extended part of our tribal family, and there is no reason to suspect that that would change. It may not be easy at first, but we are willing to work through it.

“However, we do not see Bella as the leader of the Cullens. Carlisle is. His word is final with us. We will speak to him at the wedding. If he tells us what he told you, we will go along with that. If his word has changed, we will make our own decisions and trust the promise he made to you. Is this satisfactory to you?”

In reply, I did the most un-Leah things. I flitted around the table and kissed each of them on the cheek. “You don’t think he’ll break up with her over it, do you?” I worried aloud as I backed toward the open door.

Billy, Charlie’s oldest friend, shook his head. “No, Leah. He won’t. He knows so much already that, as his friend, I think can safely say that he’ll just be relieved to know.”

“What if he’s mad at her for not telling him sooner?”

“If he is, it won’t last long,” Billy assured me. “And I’ll sit him down and explain just why she couldn’t say anything. If I have to, I’ll make sure he blames me. But he forgives easy.”

I wasn’t going to admit it, but I was nervous about the plan that had once seemed so flawless. Maybe it was because it was so close to coming together. I silently said a prayer that Dr. Cullen would give his permission, regardless of what Bella said, and that Charlie could forgive and love my mom.

Sam followed me outside and stopped me from walking away.

“Am I in trouble for talking to Dr. Cullen?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“No, not at all,” he assured me as he led me into the trees that ringed Billy’s house. “I’m proud of you for doing it on your own. Are you okay, Leah?”

“About the wedding? Yeah, I’m fine. I get it all now, Sam. I get why you fell in love with her and I get why you couldn’t love me that way. I’m sorry that I made it so hard for you for so long.”

He shook his head and sighed. “You’ve apologized too much today, Leah. I forgive you and I don’t blame you.” He laughed and shook his head again. “All this apologizing, I’m starting to wonder if you’re really Leah at all.”

“I feel like I’m having an out of body experience,” I admitted, laughing along with him. It felt really, really good to laugh with him. “But maybe I’m just growing up after all, despite my very best efforts to remain a selfish, moody shrew.”

“Stop being so hard on yourself,” he ordered me, smiling just the same. “You got dealt a crap hand. Maybe you could have handled it just a little better, but you’re not a shrew. Not at all.”

“Is that an order, alpha dog?” I countered jokingly to lighten the moment before it got too heavy.

He laughed and went along with my mood swings. “Yup. It’s a total order. But when I asked if you were okay, it was really my roundabout, half-assed way of thanking you for being Emily’s maid of honor today. So, thank you.”

“You and Emily are my best friends,” I told him honestly, giving into the inevitability of a deep conversation. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be today.”

He knew me well enough to see that I would have qualified that sentence if I could have. Today was going to hurt, I knew that, but I also knew that it would only hurt as much as I let it hurt.

“Thank you,” he said again, taking a step backward. “And now I’ll let you go before you get fed up with talking about all this, phase and ruin your dress. Emily will kill me if you do.”

“She’s already threatened me about it,” I laughed. “But she released me from the girl stuff, do you need me to do anything?”

“Round up the boys?” he suggested, laughing as I groaned. “Make sure they have long, black pants on. No shorts. And white shirts. They don’t have to wear jackets if they don’t want to, but black pants and white shirts are a must.”

I punched him in the shoulder as hard as I could without damaging my dress. “Fine,” I huffed with overdramatic irritability, “I’ll go dress the little boys while I try to figure out when you became a fashionista. But you owe me. Big time.”

“No patrols with Paul for a month?” he offered, rubbing his shoulder and grinning.

If there was something nearly as bad as being in your ex-fiancé’s mind when he thought about your cousin/best friend in all sorts of compromising positions, though to Sam’s credit he was very good about guarding his thoughts, it was being in the mind of the biggest perv in the pack when he thought about your other best friend in much dirtier positions. I’d known Rachel was a free spirit but I never knew just how free spirited she was until Paul imprinted on her.

“It’s a good thing Jake doesn’t phase much and he can block everybody but you when he does,” I snickered as I held out my hand to shake and seal the deal. “He’d murder Paul for thinking that crap. But make it six months and you have a deal.”

We shook hands and he walked, laughing, back to Billy’s while I set off to dress my mutt brothers.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Seth, the least mutt-y of the bunch, was already dressed so I promptly shirked nanny patrol and easily talked him into putting his tail on the line and convincing Embry that black denim shorts didn’t count as proper wedding attire.

I, meanwhile, hiked up my full length dress and, carrying my shoes, walked to the cliffs that overlooked the Pacific. I’d never kept it together this long without blowing even the smallest of gaskets and I needed a little time to keep everything in order for the wedding.

If today worked out as I planned and hoped it would; Sam would marry the woman he was destined to spend his life with, my mom would be able to share everything with the man she loved and she would be happy with him, and everyone, aside from Billy, Embry, Seth and me would go home with the people they loved. Billy seemed entirely content with his life, watching others love and love fervently. But Seth and Embry were going to imprint on someone someday, that was a given. It was hard not to wonder if I was meant to spend my life alone.

I sat alone on the cliff, trying not to hyperventilate at the idea.

I sat there until Brady thudded through the tree line and whistled to get my attention. I think I scared Brady for some reason; he never had any real thoughts when we were phased at the same time and now, when he’d obviously been sent to get me, he just whistled and ran back into the woods. I looked around and realized that the sun had just begun to set. I’d been on the cliffs for two and a half hours at least and the hardest part of the day was only just beginning.

When I got to the field where the wedding would take place, my mom literally ran over to me. Her smile was wide enough and her eyes were sparkling enough to make me happy in spite of my inner demon that desperately wanted to be angry and sullen.

“Leah! Bella and Edward told Charlie everything!” she told me breathlessly. “Can you believe it?”

They hadn’t told her that I’d asked them to tell her. Damn vampires, making me respect them even more. “Really?” I gasped, silently praying that my acting skills had improved. “Are you okay with that?”

“Yeah, I am.” She seemed kind of overwhelmed by the idea but also seemed incredibly happy about it. “I was thinking that he had to know or we couldn’t keep going where we were going. So, yeah, I am more than okay with it.”

“How’d Charlie take the news?”

My mom shrugged and hugged me, it was a strange combination. “He seems a little shell-shocked but he says he knew something strange was up. He’s happy they told him and trusted him enough to tell him. I tried to apologize for not being able to tell him but he wouldn’t let me.”

“He wouldn’t let you?” I felt stupid just asking the question but I was slowly and surely learning to read people and she wanted me to ask.

She smiled, happier than I’d seen her in a long time. “No. He told me that he would get the answers he needed from Bella, Carlisle and Billy. And then do you know what he did, Leah?”

She’d stopped talking so I shook my head, waiting with as much excited anticipation as I could muster. “What? Tell me,” I demanded when she hesitated. “What did he do?”

Her voice dropped to a whisper when she told me what he did. “He told me he loved me.”

I blinked at her, just a little bit shocked. And then I collected myself and did what seemed right and what was very honest. I squealed happily and hugged her tightly. “I’m so happy for you, Mom!”

“Thank you, sweetheart,” she whispered, hugging me just as tightly. “Are you really okay with Charlie and I being together? It hasn’t been that long since your dad passed away.”

“I know, Mom. But Charlie makes you happy and, if there’s one thing Dad taught me and Seth it was that you should never, ever stand in the way of someone else’s happiness. Not if you didn’t want someone to stand in the way of yours. And, Mom,” I saw Rachel waving me closer and switched to a one-armed hugged to guide her to the chairs, “you don’t really think Dad would object to you and Charlie, do you? I don’t. Neither does Seth. So be happy loving Charlie. Please.”

She reached up and tucked a wayward curl behind my ear. “Okay, Leah, I believe you,” she said softly. “And I love you very much. You look beautiful today. But you always look beautiful to me.”

“You’re my mom, you have to say that,” I teased her. “But I gotta go before Rachel drags me over. Love you, too.”

I walked past the wedding guests; four vampires, one half-vampire, four so-called ‘pale faces’, half a dozen Makah guests and the entire town of La Push. Emily wasn’t doing the whole ‘slow procession of bridesmaids down the aisle’ thing so all I had to do was go stand between Rachel and the spot Emily would take. I mouthed my thanks to Dr. Cullen as took my place, he flashed the slightest smile and nodded his head in acknowledgement.

Emily was radiant as she walked down the aisle. I couldn’t help but be happy for her. But I pulled my gaze from her and watched Sam, the man I’d loved and wanted to marry. He looked, watching her, like the carefree boy I’d known so well. He wanted to run down the aisle to meet her, to hold her in his arms forever. It was beautiful in the most painful, bittersweet of ways.

Sam Uley, alpha male in a pack of shape-shifting, vampire killing werewolves, became just Sam once again as he promised his life to her. In that very same moment, I stopped trying to reclaim Lee-Lee. He got younger and I grew up.

I expected it to hurt. It didn’t. I expected to fight back tears. They didn’t come. I expected to have to fight back the urge to run away. I wanted nothing more than to stay.

The pain hadn’t miraculously disappeared. It would always be there. But I could live with it. I could be better for it. It was time to make amends to myself, first and foremost, for the last two years. When I healed that, healed me, as much as I could, I would make amends to those who care about me, love me even, for the way I treated them for the last two years. I owe them that as much as I owe it to myself.

I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of being childish. I’m tired of being unhappy. I’m tired of trying to be what I can never be again. Lee-Lee is gone. I’m someone else now.

I can’t help but wonder when someone will recognize the new me.

“Are you going to stand there all night?” Sam’s deep voice brings me back to reality. The ceremony is over, but I haven’t moved. He touches my shoulder. It is so very right for him to be the first to truly see me. “Leah?”