A/N: Hm, will I ever start working on the full-length stories I have planned out? Probably not… I have serious issues when it comes to completing a project, so I guess I should just stick to one-shots for now!
Nightmares
By: the brilliant dance x
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(Takes place in New Moon, sometime before the cliff-diving incident)
I am sooo bored. Bored, bored, bored, boreddd. Bored with a capital ‘B’.
I mentally sighed as I passed the same meadow I had passed an hour ago, and an hour before that… and an hour before that. My paws padding on the ground echoed in the night, mixing with the chirping of crickets and other sounds of the forest. Although it was pitch dark, the light from the moon blocked by the tall canopy of trees, I could still see perfectly clear, as if it was mid-noon. There were definitely quite a few perks – such as enhanced eyesight, hearing, and smell - to being a werewolf…
But patrolling a forest by myself at two in the morning is definitely not one of them. I thought miserably as I finished my wide circle around Bella’s house. I came to rest at a boulder a few feet from the edge of the forest, where Bella’s backyard and the trees merged. From this particular spot I could just make out Bella’s bedroom window through the trees, which reminded me exactly why I was out here, walking around a forest by myself in the middle of the night. To protect Bella… no matter what.
Just a few weeks ago, a red-headed vampire had gotten close to Forks – too close. Unfortunately, despite the pack’s best efforts, she escaped. It wasn’t until a few days later when I mentioned the incident to Bella that we found out that the vampire was not just passing through the area like we initially concluded. Bella instantly paled when I told her about the encounter, and her face filled with terror. She explained to me that the vampire’s name was Victoria, and, much to my mortification, Victoria was probably out to kill her. Apparently last year, before me and Bella were Bells and Jake, Bella had been pursued by James, Victoria’s vampire mate. Edward had killed James – ripped him to pieces- and now Victoria wanted to do the same to Bella. As the old saying goes, an eye for an eye, I guess you could say.
With a crazed, vengeful, inhumanely strong and fast vampire out to end her life, Bella obviously required extreme protection. That’s where the pack and I came in. There was no doubt in any of our minds that Victoria would be back for Bella sooner or later, so we assigned somebody to watch Bella’s house every night, patrolling the surrounding area to make sure Victoria didn’t come near. If she did, Bella would be safe with one of the pack member’s right outside her house. Despite Bella’s doubts, any one of us could quite easily take down a vampire… it was what we were born to do.
It was my turn to patrol tonight, and although nothing was more important to me than Bella’s safety, patrolling was just so boring. With only my own thoughts to keep me company and nothing to do but stare at the same dreary scenery for hours on end, it wasn’t exactly my choice of an exciting evening activity. The only things I had seen for the past four hours were trees, grass, raccoons, and deer. Maybe a few rare possums if I got lucky…
Tired of being in my wolf form, I decided to phase back. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the cracking and reforming of my bones, for the unsettling feeling of my entire body reshaping itself. No matter how many times I phased, I would never completely get used to the feeling of transforming from wolf to human, and vice versa.
After my transformation was complete, I stretched languidly, reveling in the feeling of being in my human body again after hours of being a wolf. I quickly untied the rope around my ankle securing my clothes to my body and put them on. I had no qualms staying naked until I phased back into my wolf form, but I didn’t want to risk anybody accidentally stumbling upon a naked teenage boy in the woods outside of Chief Swan’s house . I’m sure that wouldn’t go over too well with any of the residents of Forks… especially Bella’s dad…
I laid down on my back, my arms and legs splayed out on the cool, damp grass. Through the branches of the tall trees that surrounded me, I caught a brief glimpse of the cloudless night sky, speckled with hundreds of bright white stars. Just a few seconds rest won’t do any harm… If Victoria comes within a mile of Bella’s house, I will be able to sense her, whether I’m in my wolf form or not.
As I lay there, my mind began to drift to what my thoughts always drifted to… Bella. No matter how hard I tried, I could never get her off my mind. And believe me, I tried, not only for my own sanity, but for the pack’s as well. I felt bad for them: because of our telepathic connection when phased, they had to deal with my constant obsessing over Bella. I tried so hard not to think about her every second of the day, but that was like trying to stop breathing. It was impossible. Fortunately, I was alone tonight, and my thoughts were exactly that: my thoughts, not susceptible to anyone else’s snide comments or judgments. So I closed my eyes, and fantasized for about the millionth time what it would be like to kiss Bella. The image of Bella’s beautiful face danced on the inside of my eyelids, and I imagined it inching closer and closer to my own, her lashes fluttering shut as she prepared herself for-
My day-dreaming was suddenly interrupted as screams pierced the air, my heightened senses increasing the sound tenfold to the point of pain. My hands flew up and pressed hard against my ears to try and drown out the terrible sound, but to no avail. The screams continued to stab my eardrums despite my futile attempts to muffle them with my hands, and I swore my ears were going to start bleeding any second.
Once I got past the initial shock of having my superior hearing severely assaulted, a terrifying realization slapped me right in the face.
The screams… Bella… Oh god.
Without a second thought, I sprinted towards Bella’s house, my mind racing. Did Victoria get to Bella while she was asleep? How did she get past me…? Why didn’t I sense her, god damn it?!? Am I too late to save Bella? I was only paralyzed by the screams for a few seconds at most… But was that enough time for Victoria to kill…?
An image of Bella’s broken, mangled body flashed in my mind, and the stab of pain in my heart that accompanied it was nearly crippling. I felt extremely nauseous, and I resisted the urge to lean over and hurl my dinner into the nearest bush. Instead I shoved down the feeling of fear and kept on running, praying to God – or whatever higher power was up there- that Bella was still alive, that I still had time to save her…
I made it to Bella’s house in record time. I easily scaled the tree outside Bella’s room, pushing off the side of her house and grabbing onto the lowest branch. I swung myself up, kicking off the tree and propelling myself through Bella’s open window (why the HELL didn’t she ever close the damned window?!). I landed with a heavy thud on Bella’s bedroom floor in a defensive crouch, a low growl rumbling in my chest as my eyes, ears, and nose scanned the room for the red headed vampire out to end the life of the girl I loved.
It only took me a few seconds to realize that there was no one else in the room besides Bella, who was asleep in her bed, and me. The room was heavy with silence, the only sound Bella’s labored breathing. Everything was pristine, organized, not a thing out of place… Just the way Bella’s OCD tendencies preferred. Bella was very much alive, there was no sign of anybody in the room… So where did the screaming come from? I sniffed the air once, twice, just to make sure I wasn’t mistaken and Victoria wasn’t sneakily hiding in a corner, ready to pounce on me the second I let my guard down… Nope, nada. Crazy bitch definitely wasn’t in this room.
Sweet relief swept over my body when I realized Bella was not in danger, and the tension in my muscles instantly dissolved. I straightened from my crouching position and scratched my head in confusion. I knew it had been Bella that screamed… or did I just imagine it? Were my heightened senses just extremely out of whack tonight, causing me to hear things, or what?
Another scream interrupted my musings, a scream that I definitely didn’t imagine and that definitely came from Bella in the middle of the room. I was by Bella’s bed-side in an instant, ready to defend her against whatever terror was trying to cause her harm.
But nothing was attacking Bella. Much to my bewilderment, there was still nobody in the room besides me and her. As I observed Bella more closely, I realized that she was still asleep. Her eyes were scrunched tight, her face contorted in pure pain and anguish as a deep frown tugged at her lips.
It was then I smelled the tears – the wet, salty scent slammed into my face, and I noticed Bella was shaking with uncontrollable sobs. They tore out of her throat, deep, low, guttural sounds, accompanied by small pained whimpers. She was tossing and turning wildly, the covers a tangled mess around her limbs, and it was at that moment that I finally realized what was going on.
Bella was having a nightmare. A really, really bad one at that…
Charlie had briefly mentioned Bella having nightmares to me, but he had been rather elusive on the subject. It wasn’t too long ago – about a month. I had come to Bella’s house just to hang out and see how she was doing, and when she opened the door, my eyes were instantly drawn to the dark circles underneath her eyes. Of course when I asked her what the hell happened to her she simply played it off as nothing, that she just hadn’t slept well. Later that night when she went upstairs to the bathroom while I paused the movie, Charlie took that moment to pass through the living room on his way to the kitchen. When I asked him about Bella’s exhausted appearance, all he had said was that Bella hadn’t slept well because of nightmares. At the time, I was a bit concerned, but I brushed it off as hopefully a one-time occurrence and didn’t bother interrogating Bella or her dad for more information.
Even though Bella constantly looked haggard and worn-out even after that day, I had never connected the dots. I never suspected her nightmares had continued – I simply deemed the cause of her weary appearance stress and emotional exhaustion. And I never, ever suspected her nightmares were this bad. The screams, the thrashing, the agony and torture that rolled off her in waves… It literally broke my heart to see her like this, and unwanted tears suddenly sprang to my eyes.
Get a hold of yourself, Jake. I thought to myself as I quickly wiped my eyes, taking a deep, shaky breathe to pull myself together. I was grateful that no one was around to witness my moment of weakness. I had only cried for one other girl in my life, and that was for my mom when she died when I was just a kid…
Bella whimpered again in her sleep, and I instinctively knelt down beside her bed.
“Oh, Bells…” I sighed quietly. I cautiously brought my hand to her cheek and wiped away her tears with the pads of my thumb, unsure of whether or not I should wake her. I knew Bella inside and out, and I knew she would be mortified if she knew I witnessed her having one of her nightmares. And then she would distance herself from me for a few days, causing her to backtrack after months and months of me cajoling her out of shell and coaxing her to open up… No, I couldn’t wake her. But I couldn’t let her continue to suffer like this either… I had to do something to comfort her. Plus her screams would no doubt wake Charlie sooner or later. I was surprised he wasn’t already out of bed with a shotgun in his hand…
Another scream filled the dark room, and this time it didn’t stop at just one. Bella began thrashing about even more violently, her body practically convulsing as cries of pain left her lips. I did the only thing I could think of… I quickly climbed into bed with her, ignoring her flailing limbs, and pulled her into my arms, flush against me.
“Shhhhh. Bells, honey… It’s okay, everything’s going to be okay,” I whispered into her ear, gently running my hands through her tangled hair to try and soothe her. After a few minutes, it seemed to work. Although she continued to tremble in my arms, her screaming gradually stopped, fading away into subdued, muffled cries. I continued whispering in her ear, tracing small circles on her bare arms with my fingertips, noting how soft her skin felt underneath mine.
“Shhhh, Bella. Shhh, its okay honey. I’m here. It’s okay…”
Eventually her body tremors ceased, and only the whimpering remained. I continued my comforting ministrations, hoping that I was doing the right thing by holding her and consoling her like this. If her dad walked in right now or she woke up, I don’t know how I would explain myself…
Bella’s whimpers suddenly became coherent, her nightmare beginning to articulate through her sleep-talking. I perked up, straining to hear what she was saying and give me insight into what was causing her such distress in her sleep. I could only make out a few words… such as “forest”, “dark”, and “leave.” But none of it held any meaning to me. Finally, a word slipped out of her mouth that I was able to discern, and I instantly wished I hadn’t heard it. My movements stilled, and the breath was knocked out of me, as if someone had just punched me in the gut.
“Edward.” She whimpered again, and at the mention of his name, I felt white hot fury shoot through my veins. “Edward… don’t go… Please… No…”
It finally all made sense.
She was having nightmares about him… the day he left her in the woods.
A snarl formed deep in my throat, but I managed to bite it back, still aware of the fact that Bella was sleeping. I possessively pulled her closer, a low growl humming in my chest as she continued to murmur his name. Each time his name left her lips, it felt like someone was taking a sharp knife and stabbing me right in the heart, twisting and turning it painfully for emphasis. Knowing that she was still having nightmares about that day, about losing him, forced me to face what I had been trying to deny for months now…
She still loved the leech, Edward Cullen. Despite all my efforts to heal her, fix her, there was still a gaping hole in her heart. All because he had left. She had loved him unconditionally, with all her heart and soul. She loved him in a way I don’t think she could ever love me, and he had left her, throwing it in her face.
I continued to hold her close, my heart aching with every second. Even after her sleep-talking died down and she fell into a peaceful slumber, her words hung heavy in the air, haunting me. Edward… don’t go. Please… No… Edward. Edward. Edward.
I couldn’t decide if I was more angry or more hurt by my unexpected insight into her unconscious. Both emotions swirled around in my head, my thoughts an indiscernible whirlwind of rage and anguish. I couldn’t tell where one emotion started and where the other one ended.
Edward, Edward, Edward. The more I thought about what I had just heard, the further I felt myself slipping away. I was so angry, so hurt, because I just loved her so fucking much but yet she couldn’t see that, couldn’t understand… She was too blinded, blinded by her love for a monster that abandoned her… She still loved him instead of me, me, her best friend who picked up the pieces of her shattered heart… Who worked so fucking hard to bring her back to life, who loved her so much, but yet she still loved him.
Bella started shaking again, and it took me a few minutes to realize it wasn’t Bella shaking… It was me. I was so angry and hurt and my body was quivering dangerously, a sign I was minutes away from phasing. I took a deep breath, trying to get a grasp on my control, but all I could think of was her whimpering his name in her sleep and how much he had hurt her, and how it was painfully obvious she still loved him, not me. New waves of rage and hurt rolled over me, each one stronger than the last.
I was slowly losing control, and I needed to bring myself back down to reality fast, before I phased right in Bella’s bed, no doubt causing her bodily harm. I did the only thing I could think of… I buried my face in Bella’s hair, inhaling deeply, the scent of vanilla and strawberries- Bella’s scent- wafting into my nose and consuming me whole. I instantly relaxed, and after a few minutes, I felt the tension seep out of my muscles and the anger and hurt subside to a dull sting. I was in control again...
Now that I was calm and a haze of red was no longer clouding my vision, I gazed down at Bella’s now peacefully sleeping face. All the pain and heartache was gone from her features, and as she shifted lightly in my arms, curling more into my embrace, locks of her hair fell over her cheek. My heart throbbed painfully in my chest as I tenderly brushed the hair back and tucked it behind her ears.
Even though she still loved him, and that angered me and hurt me more than anything… I still loved her. I loved her more than I could even comprehend, and now that my own selfish feelings had subsided, I hurt for Bella. I hurt because she was hurting… I hurt because of the heartbreak she had gone through, and the aftermath of it that she had to endure. I hurt because Bella was irrevocably changed because of what he did to her, and she would never be completely whole.
But that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to try. Now that I knew how deeply she was still hurting, I would work harder than ever to put her back together. I would do everything in my power to fix her, to make her as whole as possible again.
“It’s okay, Bells,” I gently whispered in her ear, my breath fanning out and causing wisps of her hair to blow in. “I’m not going to leave you or hurt you. Ever. No matter what. I’ll always be here, honey, I promise.”
The truth of my own words hit me hard. As I pressed my lips against her hair in a chaste kiss, I realized I could never leave Bella, even if I wanted to. The thought of leaving her or hurting her physically made me ill. Even if she didn’t ever learn to love me back… Even if she forever pined away for the leech… I would never, ever leave her. I would always be there for her… I would always be what she needed me to be, even if I would always hope for more. A best friend, a lover, someone to listen, someone to hang out with – whatever. For the rest of my life, my entire existence would revolve around making Bella as happy as possible… no matter what that meant for me.
I don’t know how long I stayed in Bella’s bed. Long after her nightmare ceased and she fell back into a peaceful sleep, I remained right where I was, not moving a muscle. For hours I simply listened to her even breathing, the steady rhythm of her heart… relishing the feeling of having her in my arms, holding her so intimately. As night faded into day, I gazed at Bella’s serene face, realizing I would never love anybody else in my entire life like I loved this girl sleeping in my arms.
By the time the sun’s morning rays filtered in Bella’s window and she slowly opened her beautiful chocolate brown eyes, I was long gone.
