Reviewer: Trillion (Signed) · Date: January 27, 2013 07:47 AM · On: Chapter 18 - Debriefing

Well, this chapter RUINED your whole FLOW. Too bad, it looks like I won't bother myself to read the rest. Shameful really, you had something. Then you ruined Jane/David relationship by adding in that he is a bad drunk and an asshole. You know do don't have to watch military movies to know what a solider is all about. They don't all turn to bottle just to have a conversation. And you had esme get the drink after she was beaten by a drunk???, FOOOOLISSSHHH. Making the Jane/David relationship into you atypical drunken boyfriend/husband returning from war, with fake pstd shows a poverty of creativity. This chapter/story get a "0". Ltr

Reviewer: Trillion (Signed) · Date: January 27, 2013 12:51 AM · On: Chapter 8 - First Sergeant Cain

What a dumb story line, they can't go to military school. This isn't like high school where they could say they can't come out today, they have to go on a family camping trip, and enjoy the sun. What are they going to do on the sunny days?. It makes no sense for them to be there or even consider it an option. Surely their vampire brains figure that out before your human one dimissed this obvious error in judgement.

Reviewer: xanath (Signed) · Date: December 25, 2012 11:03 AM · On: Chapter 28 - Reunion

I have finally caught up!  This is a great story and I hope that you decide to finish it.  It is such a different take on Jane and I really like it that she found David.  I realize from your author's notes that you do not write on a regular schedule, but I was wondering if you have posted this story on any othersite that may be further along that it is here.

Thanks for all you work on it - Xanath

Reviewer: JasonCulhane (Signed) · Date: October 16, 2012 09:21 PM · On: Chapter 25 - New Blood

Oh, wow, I wonder what this Salem guy can do, and you did a real good job of making him sound creepy and sinister.

Reviewer: JasonCulhane (Signed) · Date: October 16, 2012 08:42 PM · On: Chapter 23 - One Tenth of One Percent

Brilliant chapter and nice twist at the end.

Reviewer: JasonCulhane (Signed) · Date: September 09, 2012 08:35 AM · On: Chapter 21 - Getting a Little Crowded

An excellent chapter and Tanya's rage was very believable as was Jane's. P.S. I really liked the author's POV!!!

Reviewer: Costa (Signed) · Date: August 04, 2012 07:11 AM · On: Chapter 28 - Reunion

  "You know how it is, Jackson," he said with a smile, as he lifted the rope. "Same shit, different day."        Huh, Jackson?        :-T

  '"So, what do you do at these places?"        "Drink."        "And if we don't drink?"         "Well.  You could fight, fuck, or pick up a hooker."        Edward scoffed, but I meet his eyes with dead seriousness.        The smile fell.        "Wait, what?"'        HAHAHAHAH!!  So easy...        X-)

  '"Horatio, everything Aro told us is a lie! There's another way. A better way. No-one has to die."        I smiled at her heartfelt conviction and even the Cullens seemed to sway.'        And to think eight years ago she was so diabolical.        ^_^

  '"Yeah, sit! Get comfortable! You've done nothing but bring the Volturi down on us, so please, make yourselves at home!"        "Do you need help with that?"        "Help with what?"        "Help getting the stick outta your ass."        The snickering had just started when Rose flew around the table.        "You worthless little-" she shouted as she dived for me.'        First: unless I'm mistaken, they're at home.  Second: David have some guts (if not sense) provoking Rose like that.  Third:  will she ever ease up on them?  Hmm, I almost feel like the third one is a rhetorical question...        :-)

  "You forget everything else, and all you know is the scenario he's playing for you.(...)  And there's a visceral feeling of fear.(...)  He almost...pushes fear into you."        "So?" Jake asked. "We've got Bella!"        "Emotions are more than just thoughts Jake," Jasper explained. "It's why she can't shield against my abilities."        "And Jake, this is more than just an illusion. This is nearly mind control. I believe this man is psychically gifted to a degree we have not seen before."        So, even if Bella can shield against the dream, or rather, nightmare, the panic will sent them all running for the hills.  And of course, they will be caught before getting there.  Crap!        :-[

  "All we knew was that you couldn't see hybrids or the shapeshifters, and you could only see what decisions people made."        Alice nodded. "But this is more than people putting off decisions. There is definitely something blocking me."        "Joham!" Renesmee blurted out. "What if the Volturi are using hybrids?"        Ahh, Aro, you crafty lunatic...

  "Jane, before you left... Was Aro truly considering an unprovoked attack against my family?"        "Yes. Carlisle, you're a threat to Aro. The way you feed, the way you treat the other covens, and the power of your family. I can see now that it's not your intention, but you can bring down everything the Volturi have been building for thousands of years. It's not about justice, and it hasn't been for a long time."        I suppose the other covens would be more sympathetic to Carlisle's gentleness than to the Volturi's whip.  But the answer to that question should be clear since the non-battle in Forks.  Poor Carlisle.  I will never understand what a good man like him saw in those creeps.

  Good chapter, Tony.  And I want to see how you will respond to Carlisle's prayers.        P-)

Reviewer: RedPenWriter (Signed) · Date: July 29, 2012 09:57 AM · On: Chapter 19 - Confusion and Conference

To hell with the Volturi! I say let the veggie vamps be in charge!

Reviewer: RedPenWriter (Signed) · Date: July 28, 2012 10:20 PM · On: Chapter 16 - Where Do Crazy, Evil, Sadistic Vampire Witches Come From? (Part 2)

I wonder if Jane can still heal people...

Reviewer: RedPenWriter (Signed) · Date: July 28, 2012 10:27 AM · On: Chapter 11 - I'm a Soldier, Not a Diplomat

Ya know, David's attitude reminds me of me when I'm pissed at something...

Reviewer: RedPenWriter (Signed) · Date: July 28, 2012 09:34 AM · On: Chapter 6 - So Early, So Early, So Early in the Morning

JANE went vegetarian? OMG! See what love does to people?

Author's Response:

It's really something, isn't it?

Reviewer: RedPenWriter (Signed) · Date: July 28, 2012 08:23 AM · On: Chapter 2 - Monster House

Jane Volturi in love?! Gasp!