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Reviewer: antipyro (Signed) · Date: March 30, 2009 10:08 AM · On: Chapter 8: Accident Magnet

If Bella's head cracked open, that's a serious injury.  No mild concussion from that blow, especially if she was out 2 hours.  Mussing her hair is out too.  Head movement = back/muscle movement - ain't gonna happen!

Regardless, I liked the chapter;  restraining Edward - Ha ha ha ha!



Author's Response:

When I say, "cracked open," I mean broke the skin a bit.  The mussing was very, very mild, like touching her bangs or something.  If I get all hung up on technicalities, it takes away my muse.  Sorry.  Thanks for the kind words.

Reviewer: antipyro (Signed) · Date: March 30, 2009 09:42 AM · On: Chapter 7: Making Out 101

I hope Bella isn't too hurt; I can't take Edward crying.....   :(

Did Rose actually hit Lauren with the volleyball??   Please?? Just a little???

Reviewer: antipyro (Signed) · Date: March 30, 2009 09:13 AM · On: Chapter 6: Afterglow

I'm thinking Bella will discover Edward's past history and what he is very soon.  She's already noticed his coldness and lack of appetite for food, but nothing on his speed, strength, eyes, and sleep.

Love the slow pace, Hmmmm! 

Reviewer: antipyro (Signed) · Date: March 30, 2009 07:43 AM · On: Chapter 5: Seventeen

I can tell that you're progressing things along quite quickly.  Currently, you have 26 chapters and I hope that they are all as long as this one.

Now, I'm waiting for some drama. Please?  ....and what about that beautiful crooked grin of Edwards??? Hmmm???

Hoping this is encouraging you to write more.  Back a bit, you replied to my review and asked about 'power play' as being more of a challenge between Mike and Edward.  Yes, that's what I intended to mean.  Now though, it might just be a moot point.

Reviewer: TwilightDiva (Signed) · Date: March 30, 2009 06:10 AM · On: Chapter 23: Resolutions

why wont they just go somewhere else thats the smart thing to do



Author's Response:

But that would be too easy.  Plus, they are in Aspen and want to stay in the chalet. 

Reviewer: antipyro (Signed) · Date: March 30, 2009 06:09 AM · On: Chapter 4: Truth or Dare

First kiss for both of them???  What about Tanya?

You write Edward as not being the threat so much as just being lonely.  Nice touch.  His status as unattainable to the female population of Forks High seems diminished, and as such, this union is more of a power play on Edward's part than a shock to the student body.  A great little twist!

Loved the kiss.



Author's Response:

Tanya wanted him, but he didn't want her.  They never kissed. 

I'm not sure what you meant by "power play".  Are you referring to his rivalry with Mike?  I'm really confused by how you said that.

Thanks for reading.

Reviewer: antipyro (Signed) · Date: March 30, 2009 05:46 AM · On: Chapter 3: Thwarting Mike

I'm wondering why the guys went shopping with the girls, and actually hung around the stores while doing so??  Not likely for men.

Will next Friday's date actually happen?  I can't wait...

Great story, love the reading format, and your words are easy to understand, no confusion there.



Author's Response:

They wanted to all hang out with Bella as a family, so everyone went.  Yes, typically guys don't like to shop, but this is my story, so once or twice, the guys go shopping.  It's more for social reasons.  I'm sure they hit a few of the "men shops" along the way, but that wasn't important enough to mention.

Reviewer: antipyro (Signed) · Date: March 30, 2009 05:19 AM · On: Chapter 2: New Arrival at Forks High

Much better reading format, and a nice long chapter too!

Mike's thoughts of Bella have always been edgier than his outward appearance suggests.

I was wondering, if the Cullen's have already made their presence known in Forks, and Edward is just starting High School, what preceded this?  I can't see Edward going to junior school.  Was he just waiting for this year to start?

Lovely writing.



Author's Response:

It says that it was the first day of his junior year at Forks High.  He'd already been in school a year.  Sophomore year preceeded Junior year.  Next year, he will be a Senior.  Hope that answers your question.

Reviewer: antipyro (Signed) · Date: March 30, 2009 04:54 AM · On: Chapter 1: Glimpses

Nope, never took Edward as stalkerish and got your point.  The recording of Bella's earlier life, will that be a factor later in the story?  I hope so.

Great story.  One comment, could you not leave so much space in between paragraphs?  That and possibly breaking up your existing paragraphs, the long ones, into shorter sections.  Just a suggestion.

I'll keep reading, I've got a lot to catch up on.



Author's Response:

The spacing is something that happens sometimes when I post.  I think it's some sort of communication problem between computers.  My original doesn't have all the spaces.  Drives me nuts too.  Sorry, but it takes forever to fix the spacing manually.  Thanks for reading anyway.

Reviewer: brookie (Signed) · Date: March 30, 2009 04:02 AM · On: Chapter 26: The Meeting

Its' really good, and i like it heaps. There are allot of gramatical errors though.



Author's Response:

Really.  I edited the crud out of it.  I'll recheck.  So sorry.

Reviewer: Pumpkinette (Signed) · Date: March 29, 2009 10:48 PM · On: Chapter 5: Seventeen

Awsome story, I keep reading the chapters so fast tho haha I cant get enough of them. I like the way you are making this story flow and move along, much like Twilight but still very much not like it aswell.

Bahahaha An I am ashamed to say but I was reading this chapter so fast that when I got to the bottom and read "I felt human.  I felt young again.  And I felt whole." I about pissed myself because I thought it said "I felt human.  I felt young again.  And I felt like a whore.", yea my lack of sleep is starting to effect my reading HAHA! I re-read it twice before my brain registered that it didnt say whore an then came the *facepalm* for my ReeReeness. Please dont make fun of the retard haha.

Anywho its amazing so far and like I said I love how its all going, and I'll forsure keep reviewing.

Angel...



Author's Response:

Thanks Angel.  I'm glad you like it.  Get some sleep girl!

Reviewer: Mazzakenzie (Signed) · Date: March 29, 2009 08:14 PM · On: Chapter 26: The Meeting

I love this chapter! It's great! Keep writing!
-Mazzy

Reviewer: eclipsedawn (Signed) · Date: March 29, 2009 06:35 PM · On: Chapter 26: The Meeting

Ah! I read all of this at once. So please forgive me for not reviewing every chapter. I didn't want to stop! I'm really enjoying this alternate universe you've created. It's an original twist that maintains interest and the characters' true form. I can't wait for more!

Author's Response:

Thanks for the kind words.  I'm glad you like my twist.  Thanks for reading.

Reviewer: agiismsxx (Signed) · Date: March 29, 2009 05:15 PM · On: Chapter 26: The Meeting

amazing =] haha. I loved it.

i think it served Jake right to mess up so badly. He really screwed up and I'm sincerely hoping that he'll pay for it.

Reviewer: TwilightDiva (Signed) · Date: March 29, 2009 03:05 PM · On: Chapter 22: Changes

GOOD

Reviewer: kay321 (Signed) · Date: March 29, 2009 02:13 PM · On: Chapter 26: The Meeting

This chapter was good, I hope it set the tone for a Charlie/Bella reunion soon.  Although, she should just get bit & live at the Cullens from now on at this point! :)

Reviewer: TwilightDiva (Signed) · Date: March 29, 2009 02:11 PM · On: Chapter 21: Sentimental Reasons

im kinda confused but i think i got it a little

Reviewer: FearlessNot (Signed) · Date: March 29, 2009 01:40 PM · On: Chapter 25: Telling

Loved the Edward speech.  Loved Rosalie threatening Lauren with a butt kicking.  Loved huge intimidating Emmett, practically causing Lauren to wet her pants with one single word.

Super job.

Reviewer: Almis (Signed) · Date: March 29, 2009 08:32 AM · On: Chapter 26: The Meeting

I finished reading this yesterday and I just wanted to come back and review.

I love it. You've found the perfect balance between angst and fluff. I like that you don't drag out the angst for longer than necessary, but I also like that it's not all good times and sunshine.

I love how you've got her changing in a different way than usual. It's interesting. I love how you have her changing in a subtle way, bit by bit. I think it's fantastic.

Keep up the good work, because I adore what you have so far. 

Alice.x



Author's Response:

Thank you, Alice.  I couldn't stand Edward being gone for NM.  It killed me to see Bella with Jake, so I try not to draw out the suspense too much.  Thanks for the kind words and for reading.

Reviewer: ladybri (Signed) · Date: March 29, 2009 07:44 AM · On: Chapter 26: The Meeting

hurry with the next one please!!! I need to know what happens next!!!!

Reviewer: ladybri (Signed) · Date: March 29, 2009 07:32 AM · On: Chapter 25: Telling

someone needed to tell her off!!!!

Reviewer: ladybri (Signed) · Date: March 29, 2009 07:10 AM · On: Chapter 24: Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful

OH the torture!!!!!!! I am enjoying your different scenarios!!! What a cliffie!!! Oh my, what is going to happen?! The wait is unbearable!!!

Reviewer: ladybri (Signed) · Date: March 29, 2009 06:48 AM · On: Chapter 23: Resolutions

That was sweet!!!! :)

Reviewer: The Wicked One (Signed) · Date: March 29, 2009 06:40 AM · On: Chapter 26: The Meeting

it was nessasary but well done... I like that Bella stood up for herself.

I cant wait to see the things that happen...

 

Reviewer: ladybri (Signed) · Date: March 29, 2009 06:30 AM · On: Chapter 22: Changes

I was taken by surprise! That was a good idea, never thought of something like that before!!!!! GREAT chapter!!!!!!!!

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