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Reviews For Halo
Reviewer: BlackCullen13 (Signed) · Date: July 11, 2010 12:54 PM · On: Chapter 6

It's amazing!

Reviewer: dennisgirl (Signed) · Date: June 15, 2010 01:37 PM · On: Chapter 6

like the story!

Reviewer: dkgors (Signed) · Date: May 21, 2010 08:54 AM · On: Chapter 6

Well ok, that was…. Suprising I didn’t realize Jin was so…so…adventurous! Lol Ok, she's not his mate in the conventional sense.....interesting. So he’s tried to see Lys but Jacob stopped him...I'm surprised Jacob didn't kill him when he saw him.

I'm really like your story, update as soon as you can!

Dixie

Reviewer: kycz (Signed) · Date: May 19, 2010 01:22 PM · On: Chapter 6

Okay soo... I really really like the concept!  The characters and plot are very intriguing and I can tel that you are excited to be writting the story however... your excitement is efectivly cutting the story short and I think that you may loss some readers. 

I get the sense that you really want to get your plot on paper and that you want to show us where you're taking the story - but in rushing to it you are missing the opportunity to really develop your characters - and you are not allowing your readers to develop a deep relationship with your characters.  As a writter, I believe, you should be true to yourself and your characters, however you should also remember that some of your readers want to get involved with your charaters!!! And you need to expand your story so that they can become involved!!

I wanted to know what happened in the time that Jin was seducing/falling in love with Lys, what were the conversations that they had before they met and he drank her blood?I feel like too much is missing.

I really really like the ideas that you have and I want to see where you are going to take the story, but I would also like to believe more in the feelings that they have.  As you strive to capture your audience, remember how Twilight made you feel.  Did your heart race when you read the conversations that Bella and Edward had? Did you yourself have moments that you actually felt scared? upset? happy?  That it what the Twilight Saga did for me, and I really think that you can do the same here.  From my prespective, you need to take it a little slower and give the reader more details.

This is only my point of view, I know the type of characters that I want to get to know better, and I really want to get to know yours!!

As you can tell I want more!! Aside from that - I also want to add that I like your writting style, you have some great lines in every chapter!

I hope that my review is helpful. I will totally be following your story!  I really want to know what happens!!



Author's Response:

hi thanks for taking the time to really review :)) I guess as writers we can only learn through positive and negative feedback so I appreciate that thank you. Its my biggest writing fault - I get so carried away with the story and I tend to go too fast :O so I totally get what you are saying, I am aware of it :) I acutally wrote chapter 3 first which prob doesnt help lol. I will look into how I can expand the story :)) Thanks again

Reviewer: vampiremom1221 (Signed) · Date: May 18, 2010 03:17 PM · On: Chapter 6

Damn, horn dog much.  I can't believe that he is drowning his sorrows in another woman when he truly wants Lys.  He is being unfair to himself and her (both women).  The poor boy needs to get a clue.  Great chapter.

Reviewer: viclea (Signed) · Date: May 18, 2010 07:31 AM · On: Chapter 6

Well Jin is a wild one isn't he? Lys is so innocent too, so this should be interesting. It's good to know he really does care for Lys though. Sounds like between Jacob and the Cullens it's going to be hard to get anywhere near her. Please update soon!



Author's Response:

Thanks so much for taking time to review :)) glad you are enjoying - I can't seem to leave this story alone right now so should be updating soon. Thanks again!

Reviewer: dkgors (Signed) · Date: May 10, 2010 06:24 AM · On: Chapter 5

Oh my I didn't expect him to have a mate. How sad for Lys. I have 1 question..Lys is 100% human? She has no vamp/wolf in her what so ever? So does that mean she will grow old and die? I'm having a hard time believing that she doesn't have any supernatural in her given her parents....may it just hasn't kicked in yet? Just wondering....

Dixie

Author's Response:

Hi Dixie thanks for the review :) As far as Lys knows she is 100 % human - after all Nessie and Jacob are both half human too....But without spoiling the plot....Lys's 'Heritage' will become apparent later in the story and is actually quite central to the plot -hope that answers question. Thanks again, hope u are enjoying :))

Reviewer: vampiremom1221 (Signed) · Date: May 10, 2010 04:26 AM · On: Chapter 5

That two timing jerk!  I can't believe he lied and used her like that.  Well I can seriously say now that she needs to totally forget the loser and move on with her life.  How come I got a feeling that is not going to happen though.  Can't wait to see what is in store.

Reviewer: meli24 (Signed) · Date: May 09, 2010 08:06 AM · On: Chapter 5

oh noo I wanted JIN and Lys together, but i am loving the story please hurry up and give us some lovely dovely mushie-ness plezzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Meli 24

Reviewer: viclea (Signed) · Date: May 09, 2010 05:40 AM · On: Chapter 5

What! He had a mate! Uh oh poor Lys, this is gonna hurt bad. I love how protective Jacob and the pack are of Lys. Can't wait to read more.

Reviewer: miaokuancha (Signed) · Date: May 09, 2010 04:59 AM · On: Chapter 5

“Lys, he has gone back to his friends...... Back to his mate.”

Uh-oh ...

Reviewer: LaBellamora (Signed) · Date: May 06, 2010 12:00 PM · On: Chapter 4

Okay now I am pissed of...but..um I am not sure at who..   LOL!  :o)

great stuff...ready more whenever you want to share more.

thanks!



Author's Response:

Hi, thanks so much for the great reviews! :)) More coming very soon, its about to get really interesting, lol! Thanks again :)

Reviewer: LaBellamora (Signed) · Date: May 06, 2010 11:55 AM · On: Chapter 3

Oh Snap!  Here soes the wolfpack & Big Daddy.  I am really into this and can not wait for more.

:O)

Reviewer: LaBellamora (Signed) · Date: May 06, 2010 11:45 AM · On: Chapter 2

You have the beginnings of an excellent story!  You certainly have my attention.  I cna't wait to read more.

Thanks!

Reviewer: LaBellamora (Signed) · Date: May 06, 2010 09:54 AM · On: Chapter 1

Wow ~ you got my attemtion.  Nice writing style and I am loving your originality.

:)

Thanks!

Reviewer: dkgors (Signed) · Date: May 05, 2010 11:48 AM · On: Chapter 4

What? how heart breaking is that?.......poor Lys :( Damn I wouldn't want to get on Jake's bad side. At least he let him live..... Dang, I wasn't expecting that. This is a very interesting story that's for sure!

Dixie

Reviewer: meli24 (Signed) · Date: May 05, 2010 11:07 AM · On: Chapter 1

Has Lys imprinted on Jin. Also I am loving this story, keep up the great work. I cant wait for the next chapter. Meli24

Reviewer: viclea (Signed) · Date: May 05, 2010 10:59 AM · On: Chapter 4

This is really good, can't wait to read more!

Reviewer: TheJodine (Signed) · Date: May 05, 2010 07:44 AM · On: Chapter 4

Love it dearie! I can't wait for more.

Reviewer: miaokuancha (Signed) · Date: May 05, 2010 07:09 AM · On: Chapter 4

Very interesting story.   So, did Jin become young again or was his aging just halted at the stage he had reached so far?



Author's Response:

Thank you so much for the great reviews! I hope it will become clearer in subsequent chapters - the idea that Jin's aging has been stalled rather than reversed. Lots of interesting twists in that dept.   :) thanks again

Reviewer: miaokuancha (Signed) · Date: May 05, 2010 07:05 AM · On: Chapter 3

Uh oh!!

Reviewer: miaokuancha (Signed) · Date: May 05, 2010 06:58 AM · On: Chapter 2

A very believably teenage character you have created here.

There was no fear; only a sense that at last, she might get to be a part of her family's world, and that finally, gloriously, she was special.

Quintessential.

Reviewer: miaokuancha (Signed) · Date: May 05, 2010 06:52 AM · On: Chapter 1

"He's aging."   Interesting premise.

"Do all the waifs and strays end up at the Cullen’s?”

I liked that one, too.

Reviewer: dkgors (Signed) · Date: May 01, 2010 05:55 PM · On: Chapter 3

OMG Whats Jacob going to do?  Update soon!  I'm hooked, I have to see what happens!  I Like these two!

Reviewer: dkgors (Signed) · Date: May 01, 2010 05:29 PM · On: Chapter 1

What!  This is interesting...I must read more! lol

Dixie

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