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Reviewer: RebeccaJ1973 (Signed) · Date: August 02, 2017 05:03 AM · On: Chapter 10
I was very glad to read this paragraph "Bella's happy with him. They love each other, and I can finally be happy for them...I wasn't being fair to her. Just because she didn't choose me, didn't mean I couldn't just be her friend. That was what she always wanted, and I just couldn't let it go...until now. She deserves a happily ever after too...and she has it, with him." because, despite your earlier claim to the contrary, the dialog from so many of your charachters was coming off as very much a "Bella-hater." While I am all for everyone having a right to his or her own opinion ('to each his own' and all that), I do generally skip the fanfics that are anti-Cullens (they don't have to be about the Cullens, per se, but if they dog on them, I prefer to just skip the story entirely. LOL I just caught the pun there - "dog" on the Cullens. :D Wouldn't it be more appropriate for people to dog on the Pack?). That final paragraph where you have Jacob's dialogue portraying a much more accurate assessment of his relationship to Bella saved this story for me (or at least made it more palatable to finish). ty! ;)
Reviewer: RebeccaJ1973 (Signed) · Date: August 01, 2017 10:54 PM · On: Chapter 7
Going way against my norm, I'm actually stopping mid-chapter to write a review. I do this because this paragraph is simply making me nuts arguing the case in my head (lol):
"According to Embry, Jacob and Bella hadn't really ever been together. He gave me the short version of their not-so-much love affair. Basically before Bella became a vampire, she fell in love and dated a vampire, and then her vampire boyfriend left her. She went into this several month long horrible funk, full of nightmares, malnutrition and intense depression. Jake essentially came in and rescued her from herself. Even though he had been crushing on Bella since they were kids, she never returned his feelings. Anyway, to make my twin's long and convoluted story short, Bella used Jake because he made her feel better, and then when her leech (which is wolf pack speak for vampire) came back, she dropped Jacob like a bad habit. The two times she kissed him while back with the leech meant nothing to her and neither did the huge epic battle the wolves fought alongside the bloodsuckers in order to protect her. She married the vampire and was turned so she could have her happily ever after - forever. Their whole relationship sounded like some messed up supernatural soap opera to me. What a disaster. No wonder Leah had wanted to punch Bella in the throat; I kind of did, too."
When you did the scene earlier where Leah gave her views on Bella and her relationship to Jake, I could buy that because Leah's dislike of Bella would have skewed her take on the whole thing; however, Embry never had those negative feelings for Bella (in fact, it seemed to me that out of the wolves, it was Quil and Embry - and later Seth - who most liked Bella. So, Embry wouldn't have those negative feelings that might have altered his perception of what happened from the time Edward left (in New Moon) until the confrontation at the end of Breaking Dawn. I'm just having trouble seeing that this opinion would have come from Embry because this paragraph is really rather harsh (overly so) on Bella (and not even remotely close to the reality of her relationship to Jake - for example, Embry saying she "used Jake" and then threw him aside when Edward returned when, in fact, she only ever wanted to be friends with Jacob and wished to continue that friendship even after the Cullens' return. Plus, she did, actually, love Jacob... she just loved Edward more. That doesn't equate to "using" a guy, in my opinion, at least).
I also felt like this portrayal of events puts Bella in a no-win situation... if she keeps up her friendship with Jacob (as she tried to do) then she is seen as two-timing and greedy (wanting both guys' love and attention). On the other hand, if she severs their relationship upon Edward's return, then she is said to have used Jake to make her feel better while her lover was away only to drop him like garbage when he was no longer needed to ease Bella's depression. Actually, thinking about it now, she really did try do walk both of those paths - first she tried to continue the friendship and then when she saw that this was only causing Jake continued pain, she told him she'd walk away so he could heal and (eventually) be happy. Jake was the one to veto that idea. :/
Reviewer: RebeccaJ1973 (Signed) · Date: August 01, 2017 09:07 PM · On: Chapter 5
I don't normally leave individual chapter reviews (one of the benefits of reading only completed fanfics is that I don't have to wait at the end of each chapter for the next one to be posted); however, since you did actually ask for our opinion, I'll take a minute before jumping into the next chapter...
First I'd like to say that your writing is well-developed - I'd have never guessed this was your first attempt had you not said as much (and I read all the time - I don't watch tv and am disabled, so I read for entertainment. Because I've read so much, I have become a bit... hmm... sensitive, maybe? to variances in writing, and I've absolutely become discriminating - I can't stand to read anything that is not well-written!). There have been a few minor things that I felt didn't quite mesh with SM's Twilight world (I know you said this was AU but the only difference was supposed to be that Jacob never imprinted on Ness). For example, when Bella went into the diner to talk to Leah, Cass was thinking about Bella's unusual eye color. However, if Bella was to go into a place in Forks where she was likely to run into people who had known her when she was human, she would have put in the hated contacts so as to not raise questions about the altered color of her eyes (and the diner was a place she would certainly be likely to run into those who knew her before since she and Charlie ate there at times). Another example of something that didn't quite mesh for me was the portrayal of Mike Newton. Yeah, he's a rather annoying and overly-persistent guy in the books, but he was never portrayed as the total creep we saw in the grocery store...he also had very little male confidence (as we know from Midnight Sun - like Edward's thoughts about Mike's waiting until the Girl's Choice dance rather than asking Bella out on a date so that she would have to be the first one to make her interest known). On the other hand, I feel you've done an excellent job of capturing the "feel" of the pack -- the way they taunt and tease each other but also protect each other... like the family they are!
Second, specifically adressing the issue of the action scene in this chapter... The build-up was great! I noticed the tension had notched up quite a bit in my own body while reading it, so I'd say you portrayed the nervous tension beautifully! The only real issue I had with that scene was the realities (okay, so none of this is remotely realistic...lol. I just mean as compared to SM's Twilight reality). For starters, Cass heard the last of the howls as she awoke. Add up the time it took for her to wake, stumble out of bed, go to the window to look for the wolf, realize the damage to her arm, go to the bathroom to treat the wound, get dressed for her run, get her hair and teeth brushed, leave Embry a note, and then do her stretches and the actual time it would take for her to jog far enough to be where she is when the vampire encounter occurred would surely have allowed enough time for the wolves to have traced the unfamiliar vampires' scents to their sources (I'm going with the assumption that the howls she heard were alarms because a patrol ran across one or more vampire scent). I know in the books the pack is most protective of La Push, so it is difficult for me to buy that one vampire - much less two - could have been on their rez long enough for all of the things involving Cassie to transpire without being hunted down by the wolves. I also kept thinking that even vampires unfamiliar with the wolves would be more likely to head into Forks rather than hunt at La Push simply because the wolf-scent that the vampires find so unpalatable would be strongest at the rez. Why not go where the smell would be weaker? In the stories we hear during the bonfire scene in Eclipse, there were vampires who came onto their lands, but that was back when the lands of the Americas were still sparsely populated. If you only have a single brand of beer on the shelf, you buy that brand of beer if you want a drink; yet if the store offers a wide range, you have the freedom to select the beer you like best... or the cheapest if that is what is most important to you. So, if a vampire was in the area around the reservation in the times prior to the 19th or 20th centuries, then s/he had no choice but to find their food there. But with the enormous variety available to a vampire in 21st century Washington, why choose food from a place that smelled bad? (Maybe I shoud have used fish instead of beer in my analogy...lol. Why eat the smelly fish when you can pick one that's doesn't stink?) All that said, however, I will allow that it is possible you might be going somewhere with this story that would explain the vampires specifically targeting humans connected with the wolves which brings me nicely into another (related) issue to the traditional vampires' trespass. Without knowing from which direction these two vampires approached Cass, it is hard to say for certain, but I kept thinking that surely Alice would have seen that other vampires were going to be in the area. I know she can't see when the wolves are involved and so would not have been able to see any of the events that transpired around Cassie in this chapter, but wouldn't she at least be aware that there strange vampires in the area (unless those vampires had no intention of interacting with the Cullens. I suppose, in that case, it would be more like Riley's visit to the Swan house). This last bit might just be some fluke of my own imagination, but I also can't help but wonder who there could be any vampires who wouldn't be aware of the Cullen-pack alliance and know to steer well clear of that area after the events at the end of Breaking Dawn. The grapevine being what it is, I would thinking the story of the events in the clearing that day would have sped through the vampire world like fire.
Third, and this is really just nit-picking, I'm having a bit of trouble following the timeline of this story in comparison to the books. BD ends less than two years after Twlight begins, and Jacob is 15 when Bella first meets him (I keep thinking he had recently turned 15, but I can't be certain if that was in the books or something I read in a fanfic). So, Jacob would have been 16 or possibly 17 when the books ended. If I am not mistaken Quil and Embry are about Jacob's age, so I'll give Embry the age of 17 at the end of BD. In this story, he is at least 21 since he is able to buy alcohol (plus there is the time needed for the boys to finish high school and then for Jacob and Quil to complete some business classes in college and for them to open their garage and then do well enough to add on extra bays). That would mean this story is at least 4 years after BD ends. The Cullens had already been in Forks at least a year when Bella arrived (I'm trying to recall the info Jessica gave Bella during lunch on her first day, and I'm thinking she said the Cullens moved to Forks "last year"), so, doing the math: a year (at least) before Bella arrived, a bit less than 2 years for the events between Bella's arrival and the confrontation in the clearing with the Volturri, then at least 4 more years before this story begins makes the Cullens stay in Forks to be at least 7 years. That would be pushing it, I would think, since Carlisle has to already pretend to be older than he looks in order to be a doctor. Plus, some of the "kids" look fairly young (especially Edward and Alice), and they would still look as young 7 years later as they did when they arrived in Forks. Being from a small town myself, I know full well how much people gossip, and I would think there would be a great many starting to wonder about the already-mysterious Cullens and how they all still look so young!
Anyhow, as I said, that third issue was mostly just my own issues with timelines. Other than the few small inconsistencies, I feel you are doing a great job thus far!!!
Reviewer: Trillion (Signed) · Date: February 22, 2014 10:16 PM · On: Chapter 12
And with this one chapter, you have reenderdd your story as trash!.
Reviewer: dbg (Signed) · Date: December 05, 2012 08:03 PM · On: Chapter 6
I can really feel Cassie's confusion and pain. It doesn't help that she figured out Bella part of this too.
Author's Response: I'm so glad the emotions bled through. This was a pretty charged chapter. Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to review! I really appreciate it! *wolfy kisses*
Reviewer: dbg (Signed) · Date: December 05, 2012 07:51 PM · On: Chapter 5
Great fight scene. Casey acted smartly and helped herself stay alive. She is smart to figure things out.
Author's Response: This was my first fight scene and it was a tough for me to try andmake it exciting and somewhat realistic. Glad you approve of Cassie's actions. I have a soft spot in my heart for her! Thanks for reading
Reviewer: dbg (Signed) · Date: December 05, 2012 06:46 PM · On: Chapter 1
Wow, great first chapter.
Author's Response: Thank you! I look back on this and it was so long ago. I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter :)
Reviewer: gothic_hands (Signed) · Date: February 25, 2011 03:28 PM · On: Chapter 14
lovely story.
Author's Response: *blushes* Thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to read my fic and review!
If you're interested the Jake/Cassie OS lemon I wrote is up now, you can find it linked off my profile if that sorta think interests you :) Thanks again!
Reviewer: MeaningOfLife42 (Signed) · Date: February 14, 2011 01:18 PM · On: Chapter 14
Not often I review but thought this deserved it! Very well written, good storyline, kept the plot going well...all round fantastic story, well done. Thanks :)
Author's Response: Your welcome, and it was my pleasure!
Thank you for taking the time to read and review! I really appreciate your kind words - They made my day!
Reviewer: 53baby (Signed) · Date: February 01, 2011 10:49 PM · On: Chapter 14
Thank you SO much for the happy ending! So many people have been doing the 'alternative' endings with everything ending so sadly, but I can only love a story for it's great ending! Perfect ending to a perfect story! Thank you! And congrats :D
Author's Response: You're very welcome for the happy ending! Real life suck enough as it is without FF ending badly too. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review, each review means so much to me!
It seems like forever ago I started this story, but I have learned a lot and come along way :)
I'll send you a message with a teaser from my up coming lemon! *wolfy hugs*
Reviewer: Phoenix Rising (Signed) · Date: February 01, 2011 10:21 AM · On: Chapter 14
Aww! What an awesome ending. You know I'm a big fan of HEA's, and I'm very happy that Jake and Cassie got theirs. I'm even kind of glad Bella had the balls to say goodbye to Jake in person...at one point they were actually friends.
Excellent job on your first story, my dear! I'm glad you wrote it...it was very enjoyable. :-)
xoxo Sarah
Author's Response: Thanks, Sarah! I was happy with my HEA too :) Glad you enjoyed my story! Thank you for all of your encouragement through the process!
*hugs* Tracy
Reviewer: Pikapuff (Signed) · Date: January 31, 2011 03:59 AM · On: Chapter 14
Aww...over already? I thought this fic was really cute - and I'm glad that Jake got a happy ending with a real wolf girl!
Author's Response:
Yeah...it's over. I didn't want to drag it out any longer than necessary. A HEA was what I set out to write, so I didn't want the fic itself to be too heavy and angsty ;)
I'll send to a message with a snippet of the outtake I'll be posting later in the week. It'll be uplaoded as a OS, so I don't have to up my over all story rating.
Thanks again for taking the time to read and review!
Reviewer: Filippanna (Signed) · Date: January 30, 2011 11:36 PM · On: Chapter 14
Great ! I love that she was a girl that could, and had taken care of herself, that could match him.
And that beachscene ? oh, what I wouldn´t give to be Cassie in that moment.....
Author's Response: Thank you! That means a lot! It was my plan to create a character that would be more of Jake's equal and who an imprint would make sense with.
I was worried the beach scene would be too fluffy, but I liked it. I'm glad you did too!
I'll send you a message with the snippet of my lemon out take to come. I'll be posting it up as a OS on here.
Thanks again for reading and reviewing!
Reviewer: wordslinger (Signed) · Date: January 30, 2011 01:09 PM · On: Chapter 14
Aw, what a nice ending! I'm so happy! :) *sniffle*
Author's Response: Thanks, I was going for fluff and mush, so I'm happy to get a *sniffle* :)
Reviewer: NOXY (Signed) · Date: January 14, 2011 05:11 PM · On: Chapter 1
I absolutely love 'After the Rain', a great job you have done. I just love how you potray the chemistry between Jacob and Cassie. I could picture how everything goes in my head. I would love to give the ratings more than a 10, cause it worth more than that. But sadly, I can't. Do continue updating as I will be looking forward to every chapters :)
Cheers
Author's Response: Noxy - Thanks for your wonderful review! It made my weekend :)
I'm about halfway done with the final chapter for After the Rain, and I have my outtake lemon mostly finished. My hope is to get the last chapter uploaded by the end of January.
Thank you again for taking the time to read and review - I really appreciate it! *wolfy hugs*
Reviewer: leelator (Signed) · Date: January 03, 2011 06:07 AM · On: Chapter 13
Btw, congrats on passing 100 reviews!!
Reviewer: leelator (Signed) · Date: January 03, 2011 06:04 AM · On: Chapter 13
Wow! A terrific action chapter. LOVED it! I hate to hear that this is coming to an end. Are you going to start something else? I sure hope so. This is such a fun story. Many wolfy hugs and kisses!
Author's Response: LOL! Thanks for being my 100th reviewer! ;) You're awesome!
Squee! You liked my attempt at action? *happy dance* Woot!
I've been struggling over the final chapter for this, and I'm back to a blank page. I have the start of a lemon, but ugh *cringe* they still make me nervous. >.<
I think if I do write anything after this it'll be short. The pressure of a multi-chap that isn't written ahead of time takes some of the fun outta it. I'll probably stick with OSs and little short fics if I do write anything. Speaking of writing *nudge* ...
Reviewer: leelator (Signed) · Date: January 03, 2011 05:51 AM · On: Chapter 12
Great chappie, sweetie! Oooooh, love me some jealous Bella. Don't you just want to beat the crap out of her? Me too.
I really liked the way you handled the scene between them. VERY well done, I thought. Can't wait to read more. :)
Author's Response: Thank you! This scene is what got me to write this fic. I did have trouble with it a bit. I'm not a Bella hater, but writing it from Cassie's POV...I did kinda wanna kick her butt!
Oh well, that means a lot that you thought I handled it well! It cost me a few readers, but oh well - that's the fandom, right? ;p
Reviewer: leelator (Signed) · Date: January 03, 2011 05:38 AM · On: Chapter 11
How fun was that to read Cassie and Carlisle's interview! Too cute! Sorry I've been such a slacker recently. Thank God Christmas is over and I can have some me time to read some of my favorite stories. I'm so glad you didn't give up on this story. I love it. Many hugs sent your way. :)
Author's Response: Thank you! Carlisle's voice was a bit awkward at first, but after a half a dozen re-writes I was happy with how it turned out!
I appreciate the hugs too! You can never have too many of those ;)
Reviewer: Phoenix Rising (Signed) · Date: December 08, 2010 05:21 PM · On: Chapter 13
Whew, another action-packed chapter. I really like the way you wrote this, especially with the emotions between Jake and Cassie. You can really feel the concern Jake has for her. Excellent job!
xoxo Sarah
Author's Response: Why thank you, lady! This will be the last "action-packed" chapter, heh. My last chapter will be a -in theory- a nice warm and fuzzy HEA. I do really appreciate you taking the time to read my stuff, I remember when I sent you chapter one for a look-sie!
I hope all is going well for you! <3
-Tracy
Reviewer: Tysonlane (Signed) · Date: December 08, 2010 07:58 AM · On: Chapter 13
Schew! Close one! Being a J&N fan, I usually don't read stories when they're not together...but your story is the exception and I am always happy to see an update! I know I've probably said that before, I'm just repeating to show what a great original character/plot you have in Cassie/After the Rain.
I hope they get their happy ending and frolicking on the beach!
Author's Response: Oh, well I can't thank you enough! This review was the bright spot on a rather crap day, so THANKS! I did think my face might crack with the effort it took to smile! I've been frowning and scowling all dang day, it was a very pleasant change.
Jake/Cassie will get their happy ending, you don't have to worry about that :) Again, thank you for reading/reviewing!
*wolfy hugs*
Reviewer: wordslinger (Signed) · Date: December 02, 2010 01:01 PM · On: Chapter 13
I'm not sure if I could have forgiven you if Cassie had been permanently harmed. I'm also glad Jake didn't have all kinds of angst about Bella leaving either. That would have been really annoying. Great chapter!
Author's Response: You'd be upset if I killed off Cassie? Hummm...I'll file that away, there goes my last chapter. I had a huge funeral planned...Oh well :p I'm not that burnt out on this story anymore! heh
It'll be awhile before I get the last chapter written at this rate, but I have already started the smut outtake. Once I get that ironed out a bit more, I'll send it over to you. So maybe...before xmas.
As always, thank you for reading and reviewing, lady! It is very appreciated! :)
Reviewer: Pikapuff (Signed) · Date: December 02, 2010 03:55 AM · On: Chapter 13
Poor Cas! Getting a vamp smackdown does not seem like fun. Fortunately she's got a hottie to take care of her!
Author's Response: It is a very good thing that Cassie does have Jake and the Pack to take care of her. She seems to find trouble pretty easily :)
Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review :) I hope you have a wonderful day!
Reviewer: Filippanna (Signed) · Date: December 02, 2010 12:45 AM · On: Chapter 13
Ok, I just used 3 hours at work to read this great story ! I already want more. Lots more.
It´s fantastic, and if I could wish - happy things for Leah and Em too ?
thanks for letting me read! Going to find that one shot of Em you promised a coulpe of chapters back.
Author's Response: lol! That's wonderful *blushes* Thank you for your kind words!
That is funny you mention it I was toying with the idea of doing a Em/Leah Christmas OS ;) I may really have to thinking about that now.
If you haven't found it already here's the Embry lemon - http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6256296/1/Happy_Birthday_to_Me -I'd love to know what you think. Writing a lemon for the first time was very challenging!
Thank you again for the review! I really appreciate it! It makes my day knowing that someone else out there enjoys my story! :)
Reviewer: MissDarcy (Signed) · Date: October 19, 2010 09:22 AM · On: Chapter 8
Still the best story...darcy
Author's Response: Thank you, friend! That means a lot to me to hear someone say that! :) Have a great day!
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