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Summary:

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Hypothesis: Vampires are capable of vertical inheritance.

 

Objectives:

 


  1. Get Jasper knocked up at least three times in one story. Why? Because it is not nearly as funny to knock up any of the other vampires. And since female vampires are just as hard to knock up as males, might as well go all the way and choose Jasper.

  2. Knock up all the other Cullens while I am at it. Why? Because I can’t think of a good reason why Jasper would be any more knocked up than the rest of them. Maybe Emmett would be… but Emmett is not as funny.

  3. Accuse Edward of having a sexual relationship with his piano and bring up this accusation as many times as possible without Bella finding out.

  4. End in a war between the Cullens and the Volturi, because the Volturi think Carlisle is lying about vampires laying eggs. Why? Because it is the funniest reason for a war I can think of.

  5. Explain vampire genetics, using plasmids, in a way that is one hundred percent compatible with everything ever said by Stephenie Meyer about vampires.

  6. Explain how vampires can reproduce vertically without violating the “vampires cannot change” law of vampiredom.

  7. Make entire story one hundred percent biologically accurate, despite the vampires. Why? Because I’m a biologist.

  8. Tell a bunch of Cullenesque stories and make it funny, because that which is funniest is best.


Recently nominated for a hidden star award.

The award nominations keep coming: now nominated for multiple  iSparkle Awards including the You'll Quote Me Later Award for the thing with Edward and his inappropriate relationship with his piano. Please go vote now!

Also nominated for an Eclipse award for best vampire!

Photobucket

 

 


Categories: Post-Breaking Dawn, Crackfic Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jasper, Rosalie
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 48 Completed: Yes Word count: 188366
[Report This] Published: July 30, 2010 Updated: February 18, 2012


Summary:

Full Moon Rising

"What was I thinking? What was I doing? I knew what my next course of action would be, what it had to be, and it was horrifying. A tiny portion of sanity fought to stop me. But the rest of my mind was no longer in my control. A few more moments and I came upon a small tent with a smoldering fire out front, two adults sleeping inside. Nobody else was in sight or hearing.

It all happened very quickly. In less than a second I was the only one in the tent breathing. The tiny portion of sanity in the corner of my mind was nowhere near strong enough to stop me from quenching my thirst.

It wasn't until after I was finished – my scorching need faded but not completely satisfied – that I fully comprehended what I had done. Though I still didn't know who I was, I now knew what I was.

I felt sick at the thought."

Full Moon Rising follows Alice as her human life ends and her vampire life begins. Each chapter gives a new glimpse into her history, from her family life with her parents and sister, through the dark years at an insane asylum, to finally meeting Jasper and travelling with him to meet the Cullens.

Kept as canon and historically accurate as humanly possible. Rated R for sexual content, dark themes, and violence.

Eternal Hope Contributor


Categories: Pre-Twilight Characters: Alice, Carlisle, Charlotte, Edward, Emmett, Esme, James, Jasper, Peter, Rosalie
Challenges:
Series: Eternal Hope: The Alice and Jasper Archive, The Stories Behind The Story
Chapters: 43 Completed: Yes Word count: 164460
[Report This] Published: October 26, 2010 Updated: February 16, 2012


Blood is Thicker by katmom Rated: PG-13 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 31]
Summary:

What if Edward didn't skip blood typing that day in Biology class? AU

 

 

Entry in the TWILIGHT ROUND of THE CANON TOUR


Categories: Twilight, AU Characters: Bella, Edward
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 4 Completed: Yes Word count: 8985
[Report This] Published: November 05, 2011 Updated: February 15, 2012


Summary:

An except from Bella's diary, a hundred and fifty years after her death:

I can't remember my human life, but I remember the first day of my immortality. I remember it with perfect clarity, just as I remember every day that I have lived since. I remember the sights and smells that assaulted my vampiric senses as I opened my eyes to this brave new world. I remember his blood red eyes.

But I don't mean for this to be a story of my early years. I mean for this to be an explanation, a justification. Maybe if I write it all down, I can figure out where this went so terribly wrong. I didn't have a choice about my change. Fate had destined me to live out eternity among the undead. But I had been the one to love two men. I had been the one to break both their hearts and to destroy my own happiness. They couldn't live with what I had done, and neither could I. My family was gone...because of me.

How do you go on, knowing this?

 

A companion story to The Sun Refused to Shine.


Categories: New Moon Characters: Bella
Challenges:
Series: The Diaries of Woe
Chapters: 3 Completed: No Word count: 2091
[Report This] Published: August 04, 2011 Updated: February 15, 2012


Summary:

Bella was all set to marry Edward. Her makeup & hair were done. She was in her wedding dress. The guests had all been seated. The music was already playing. Everyone was waiting on her. Then Alice handed her a mirror as instructed by Edward. That's when everything changed.

In a moment of panic, Bella runs to her best friend, Jacob, who just got home but he has some issues of his own. Can they both work through their pain to be each other's happily ever after? And how will Edward react? What will they do when unexpected truths and outside forces try to destroy the solid relationship that they've built?

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Note: This story is in canon (with the exception of Bella & Jacob ... because, yes, this is a B/J story) & is AU because if it weren't, I'd be writing Breaking Dawn. This story starts during Breaking Dawn, right before the wedding (obviously) and continues past it. It's rated NC-17 for later chapters (& some stuff that leads  up to it).


Categories: Breaking Dawn, Post-Breaking Dawn, AU Characters: Bella, Edward, Jacob
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 12 Completed: No Word count: 37680
[Report This] Published: September 26, 2011 Updated: February 14, 2012


Summary:

Mary Alice Brandon awakens alone as a vampire. She is first taught by two nomads before her visions show her a way of life she would much prefer. Can she find the golden-eyed vampires of her visions on her own?

adeste fideles

 

Excerpt:

 

"Who are they?" she whispered as the vision let her go. Her recovered present-awareness had her stiffening – the other vampires were now all but touching her. Oddly, she felt no threat. They could answer her questions, she was sure. "They have gold eyes. Two of them. The third has red. Like ours," she added, confused. "Gold? Golden eyes?"

Charlotte met Peter's eyes. "We've met one of us with golden eyes. About ten years ago. Have you seen him? Was he your sire?"

Peter held up a hand. "No way in hell Carlisle Cullen would turn someone. And if he did, he wouldn't let her go rogue."

 


Categories: Pre-Twilight, AU Characters: Alice
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 3589
[Report This] Published: February 13, 2012 Updated: February 13, 2012


Summary:

Banner made by Frozen Soldier

Alice Brandon has always wanted to be a professional ballet dancer, ever since she was three years old and saw the nutcracker for the first time. Her mother enrolled her in lessons and it was soon discovered she had a true gift. Alice is now eighteen and working for the American Ballet Company, and is making her way to become a principal dancer. Now that she is making her way to the top, dance director Jonathon Reeves is telling her she needs to loose five pounds. How far will Alice go to make it to the top?

As Alice tried to desperately shed the pounds to become on top, she meets and falls in love with another dancer, Jasper Whitlock.

WARNING: Story deals with eating disorders.

Forum topic for sneak peeks http://www.twilighted.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=44&t=21849


Categories: AU-Human Characters: Alice, Jasper, Other Character
Challenges:
Series: Eternal Hope: The Alice and Jasper Archive
Chapters: 1 Completed: No Word count: 965
[Report This] Published: February 11, 2012 Updated: February 12, 2012


Summary:

Twilight Canon Tour entry. A mother's work is never done, even when her son is a 107-year-old vampire. Did Esme just stand by while Edward went all emo? A day in the life of a mommy vamp. Rated M 'cause hey, Carlisle's there, too.

 

Warm Rain banner


Categories: Twilight Characters: Carlisle, Edward, Esme, Rosalie
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 3581
[Report This] Published: February 11, 2012 Updated: February 12, 2012


Summary:

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Photobucket" alt="" />

 

After years of marriage and four kids, Esme thinks her life with Carlisle is just fine. But when she overhears the glamorous Tanya make a play for Carlisle, she starts to see things in a different way.


Categories: AU-Human Characters: Carlisle, Esme, Tanya
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 5523
[Report This] Published: February 11, 2012 Updated: February 11, 2012


Summary:

 

Written for the Twilight Canon Tour, New Moon Round.

Edward left Bella in the forest and she went catatonic.  Her parents got her to therapy and her therapist has told her she has to "write out her pain" to process it. Reluctant at first, Bella gradually finds strength and confidence in her online anonymity.

Until she realizes that, having crossed a line, she wasn't so anonymous after all.

Excerpt:

Did Edward ever look that happy with me?  Or did my blood always cause him so much pain?  He said he’d always love me...in a way. But it must not have been that way...  


Categories: New Moon, AU Characters: Bella
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 10056
[Report This] Published: February 08, 2012 Updated: February 10, 2012


Summary:

 

Inner Fire Rekindled banner

 

Mass executioner is no job for an empath. As the decades passed, Jasper's duties as part of Maria's army wore him down. Briefly revived when he left her to live as a nomad with Peter and Charlotte, he soon left them, too, and his melancholy grew. Then, when he least expected it, a spark in the form of a tiny dark-haired vampire changed his life. Rated M for violence, references to sex and adult themes (but no lemons).

Banner by fallanydeeper

 


Categories: Pre-Twilight Characters: Alice, Jasper
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 4394
[Report This] Published: February 10, 2012 Updated: February 10, 2012


My Impotence by SqueakyZorro Rated: PG-13 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 7]
Summary:

My Impotence banner

 

 

As Forks' police chief, Charlie was used to being in charge. While he loved having Bella with him, he'd experienced a rude shock when he realized that a father can't truly be “in charge” of his teenage daughter. During the ups and downs of Bella's relationship with Edward, Charlie understood for the first time the true meaning of impotence.

Banner by vbfb1 

 

 


Categories: New Moon Characters: Bella, Charlie
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 2168
[Report This] Published: February 10, 2012 Updated: February 10, 2012


Summary:

LfE

This was my entry in THE CANON TOUR—NEW MOON ROUND

PROMPT/summary:

A mother's love (and meddling) knows no bounds. Unbeknownst to Edward, Esme stays in touch with Bella.


Categories: New Moon Characters: None
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 2546
[Report This] Published: February 09, 2012 Updated: February 09, 2012


Summary:

If you faced losing everything…

Would you trade your mortality to keep just a part of what you have? Count the cost before you decide.

One year after BD and all is not well. Bella's newborn year was way too easy. The newest Cullens are much harder to handle-both of them. Jasper has a tough year ahead dealing with these two! Flashes of human memories add to the tension and mystery.   

Once the venom courses through your veins it’s too late to change your mind.

New banner by Sunray16!!!

New NWB banner

 

NWB banner

 

Carlisle Cullen considers himself a doctor first and a vampire second. His focus is to protect life. What he finds at a fatal crash seen causes him to break the treaty his family has honored for over 80 years. The entire Cullen family will face the consequences of his last minute decision. Now the wolves are pissed and the Volturi are getting nervous.

Scott and Diane started out on a family vacation they would never finish.  After losing their lives and children through the fires of transformation, can they still hang on to each other?  Diane's human memories, once thought lost, are slowly breaking through in the strangest of ways.  Why does she recognize the vampire in one of Esme's treasured albums?  By the time the Cullens figure out what's going on, all they can do is prepare for the inevitable.

This is a story of love, loss, and picking up the pieces. Even for immortals time only moves forward. There really is no way back.

Award

 Aug. 2011 Nominated in the best Angst/Drama Category

 


Categories: Post-Breaking Dawn Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jacob, Jasper, Nessie, Other Character, Renesmee, Rosalie
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 30 Completed: Yes Word count: 162730
[Report This] Published: February 02, 2011 Updated: February 09, 2012


Summary:

These are a collection of outtakes and deleted scenes from my story, For Whom the Bell Tolls.  There will probably be around half a dozen chapters in this submission, including Alice and Jake POVs.  And some vampy lemons.


Categories: AU Characters: Jacob
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Completed: No Word count: 6456
[Report This] Published: February 11, 2011 Updated: February 08, 2012


Invidia by jakeward Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 25]
Summary:

invidia

invidia (latin): jealousy, envy

Jealousy (jalousie / jealousy): "A sentiment which is born in love and which is produced by the fear that the loved person prefers someone else" (Littré).

RPF one-shot

 

 


Categories: Other Characters: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson
Challenges:
Series: The Robsten Files
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 10400
[Report This] Published: February 08, 2012 Updated: February 08, 2012


Summary:

A Twilight fairy tale.


Categories: AU Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jasper, Rosalie
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 1653
[Report This] Published: February 04, 2012 Updated: February 07, 2012


Summary:

Journey Home banner

Prequel, that can stand alone, to my story When It Rains.

The Cullens were never really free of the Volturi. In Breaking Dawn, Carlisle and Siobhan discuss the imminent return of the Italian vampires. In this story, they've returned and Alice didn't see it. She was killed in a surprise attack.

This is the story of how Jasper dealt with the loss of his mate and how he decided to go on living ... for her.

Banner by the uber talented FrozenSoldier.


Categories: Post-Breaking Dawn, AU Characters: Alice, Jasper
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 6989
[Report This] Published: February 01, 2012 Updated: February 06, 2012


Summary:

 

 

Isabella Swan's battle with a near constant illness baffles doctors. Can anyone find the cure before it's too late? E&B, canon pairings, lemons to come


Categories: AU-Human Characters: Bella, Edward
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 4 Completed: No Word count: 5713
[Report This] Published: November 16, 2011 Updated: February 05, 2012


Summary:

Banner by MegsD. Thanks!

 

For All You Wolf Lovers! What happens when a wolf is separated from his imprint?

Jacob knows that Nessie is his eventual future. He attempts to live without her and the Cullens after selflessly agreeing to give her uniquely short childhood to Bella and Edward. Racked by boredom and loneliness, he meets and befriends a girl who has an abusive and controlling step-father. Will another heart be broken? And what sinister forces are stalking Jacob and the other wolves, and why?

Keep reading and you'll discover who Embry's father is, if Leah ever finds happiness, and how Sam and Jacob deal with having two separate packs. 

He Never Suspected...


Categories: Post-Breaking Dawn Characters: Jacob
Challenges:
Series: The Wolfpack Chronicles
Chapters: 21 Completed: Yes Word count: 58052
[Report This] Published: August 01, 2011 Updated: February 03, 2012


Summary:

There's a dusty old bookstore in Seattle where the proprietor keeps odd hours and knows the location of every book in his stock.  What surprises hide in its stacks?

 


Categories: AU Characters: Alice, Bella, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jacob, Jasper, Rosalie
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 48 Completed: Yes Word count: 122523
[Report This] Published: August 13, 2010 Updated: February 01, 2012


Summary:

Bella's first encounter with Edward instantly leads to a mutual dislike. She is the new girl in town that has attracted more than one admirer and he's the boy who usually gets what he wants. So how will one evade when the other is set to conquer? AH

banner

Banner made by the amazing ms_ambrosia


Categories: AU-Human Characters: Bella, Edward
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 10 Completed: No Word count: 85062
[Report This] Published: February 15, 2010 Updated: February 01, 2012


Summary:

Life is never perfect, the cracks always appear. "My Polaroid would show the face of a girl who has forgotten how to truly smile." Even the strongest of dreams can fail to become enough.

CitP    

Thank you to the incredibly talented timelights for my banner.


Categories: AU-Human Characters: Bella, Edward
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Completed: No Word count: 9903
[Report This] Published: December 02, 2011 Updated: January 30, 2012


Summary: Rachel Black has always avoided La Push since the death of her mother. As soon as she graduated from high school, she took the opportunity to go to college when offered a scholarship. Now that Rachel has graduated from Washington State and returns home, she is instantly imprinted on by Paul. Rachel refuses to have anything to do with Paul after she caught him doing something unexplainable the previous year. Will Rachel allow Paul to be a part of her life or refuse the imprint magic that is drawing her towards her soul mate?

forum topic for sneak peeks
Categories: Breaking Dawn, Post-Breaking Dawn Characters: Bella, Billy, Brady, Carlisle, Charlie, Claire, Collin, Edward, Embry, Emily, Esme, Jacob, Jared, Jasper, Kim, Leah, Other Character, Paul, Quil, Renesmee, Rosalie, Sam, Seth
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 2 Completed: No Word count: 8687
[Report This] Published: January 08, 2012 Updated: January 30, 2012


Summary:

Post BD. What would happen if Jacob never imprinted on Nessie? And what would happen if, after Jasper's almost attack on Bella, his relationship with Alice was never same? With all the talk of singers and imprinting, they're missing the bigger picture. Danger is on the horizon.OC AU Jacob/OC/Jasper

 

Northern Lights by pprMACHEheart 


Categories: Post-Breaking Dawn Characters: Jacob, Jasper, Other Character
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 9 Completed: No Word count: 26210
[Report This] Published: July 30, 2010 Updated: January 29, 2012






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